Will Cooper Nobody's better at the Crane Game than me!
Played by Kevin James 
Pixels (2015) · 33 quotes
Pixels (2015) · 33 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in Pixels (2015): in 8 of its 33 quotes
Most scenes with: Sam Brenner (5), Violet (3)
And for the record, Hal, I happen to know what several of those big words meant. I drank a few cold sanguines on my last trip to México. Ha-ha-ha, bite on that, Hal! [his reporters start pointing at Hal and chanting "You! You! You!"]
More lines from Will Cooper
1 quote Will Cooper Scenes with Will Cooper
6 scenes
Oh, God.
I can't believe they even let you in here.
Right.
Jennifer Colonel Van Patten, you can go right into the Situation Room.
Yeah. See, they need me in the Situation Room, so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
Mmm.
Jennifer Mr. Brenner, the president is waiting for you in the Oval Office.
Sam
[falsetto voice, mockingly]
Somebody's more important. [moonwalks and addresses a member of the presidential detail while looking at Violet] [normal voice] Freddy, can you keep the riffraff outta here? [he moonwalks into the Oval Office] [to Cooper] Yo, wassup?
Will Cooper Oh, come on, you couldn't have at least changed?
You told me to rush right over. What's going on, man? Why's it so crazy out there?
Will Cooper Our Air Force Base in Guam was attacked.
By who?
Will Cooper I'm not sure. That's what I wanted to ask you. Come here. Check this out.
Me?
Will Cooper Yes, you. Come here. Listen to this. [he hits the space button on the keyboard, and deep whirring is heard.] Does that sound familiar to you?
Yeah. Where do I know that from? Can you freeze it?
Will Cooper Yeah, hold on. [he pauses the video.]
Go in tighter. [Cooper does so.] That can't be real.
Will Cooper Okay, so, you're seeing the same thing I'm seeing.
What kind of mushrooms did that guy put on our burgers?
Jennifer [enters the Oval Office]
They're ready for you, Mr. President.
Will Cooper Great. Now I gotta explain this to the National Security Council. Listen, do me a favor, Sam. Watch that again, okay? And just see if there's anything you can find to help us out.
Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?
Will Cooper No, you can't, and everything's recorded.
Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't. [he waves at the security camera, and sits in the chair anyway.] I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.
Gentlemen, I'll be sending Pac-Man's current coordinates to each of your car's GPSes. Let's locate and eliminate.
Will Cooper Come on, guys.
Professor Iwatani [Iwatani sees Pac-Man eat man's bike.]
Pac-Man is not bad! I created him to bring joy to all the people of the world! They have brainwashed him! Deep down, he's kind, gentle. Someone you can tell your troubles to or grab a hamburger with.
Professor Iwatani [Pac-Man stops in front of the Ghost Cars.]
You'll see.
Professor Iwatani, what are you doing?!
Professor Iwatani I will talk to him. He's my son!
No, that's a bad idea.
Professor Iwatani [Iwatani walks up to Pac-Man.] [to Pac-Man]
Hello, my sweet, little boy. Look how big you've grown. I'm so proud of you.
It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
Professor Iwatani But all these destructive things you're doing, it's wrong. I'm your father. I know, you're a good boy.
[Iwatani reaches out. Ludlow nods as if saying, "Go on." Suddenly, Pac-Man bites Iwatani's hand into pixels, and Iwatani screams in pain.]
NOOOOO!!!!
Professor Iwatani SOMEBODY KILL THIS STUPID BITCH!!!!
[the Arcaders start chasing Pac-Man. During the chase, Pac-Man eats a fire truck.]
Pac-Man's faster than I remember!
Pac-Man's always been faster than the ghosts. We're gonna have to out-maneuver his ass. [he and the Arcaders sharply turn around a car.] Wonderfro, you and Silver Medal break off. [The Arcaders go in different directions.] I'll stay with Big Yellow.
'Cause I'm the champ, Lieutenant Long Legs.
Will Cooper [Eddie kills Pac-Man]
Good one, Eddie.
Whew.
Two to go! [the Arcaders go another way.] All right, Pac-Man Number Two just regenerated four streets away headed North Bound. Turn east at the next intersection. Brenner, go straight.
Got it.
Ludlow, go left. [Ludlow does so] Eddie, at the next intersection, turn left.
We got him! He's got nowhere to go!
[Pac-Man eats a Power Pellet, thus turning all the Ghost Cars dark blue.] [shocked]
Oh, God. No!
"Oh, God. No!" what?
He ate the Power Pellet! Pac-Man's got 10 seconds where he can eat us! [Pac-Man starts chasing Ludlow] Why me?! [Ludlow runs away] Oh, God, don't eat me, don't eat me, don't eat me. Please, please don't eat me. [Pac-Man starts eating Ludlow's Ghost Car, and he screams in terror] GUYS! HELP! I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN! [Ludlow barely escapes the Ghost Car before it gets eaten by Pac-Man. Then Pac-Man turns around and continues chasing Ludlow.] Why are you doing this to me? [Ludlow runs for his life.] YOU'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!
Will Cooper LUDLOW, RUN! PUMP YOUR LEGS! GO, BABY!
Will Cooper [Ludlow continues running from Pac-Man. Suddenly, Eddie appears and kills Pac-Man again.] [as the people in the office cheer]
ATTABOY, EDDIE!
How the Hell did he get over there so fast?
Aren't you glad you sprung me, Second Place?
[Pac-Man Number Three regenerates where Pac-Man Number Two died, and Sam and Eddie chase Pac-Man leaving Ludlow laying in the street.]
So I, I guess they're just leaving me here.
[Pac-Man runs for his life as Sam and Eddie chase him.]
Now it's time for the hat trick.
[Eddie accelerates but Pac-Man turns right causing Eddie to fly off of the road, falling into the East River.]
Wow!
Brenner, it's on you. There are still 3 other Power Pellets out there, so stay alert.
I got this. If I don't, the world ends. Can't let that happen.
Will Cooper Come on, Brenner. Come on.
[Sam continues chasing Pac-Man]
Brenner, he leading you directly towards one of the Power Pellets. Get out of there.
[Pac-Man eats Power Pellet, turning Sam Brenner's Ghost Car dark blue, and starts chasing Sam Brenner] [with a game face]
1.
3. You'll see your boy grow up. [Pac-Man chases him into parking garage] 4.
[getting chased through the parking garage.]
5. 6. 7. 8. 9. [closes his eyes tight. The Ghost Car and Pac-Man fly through the air in slow-mo, and Pac-Man opens his mouth, about to eat Sam Brenner.] ...10. [barely kills Pac-Man Number Three. He lands on another part of the parking garage, and he breathes heavily, as Pac-Man powers down.]
Will Cooper [as everyone cheers wildly]
OH! OH! YOU DID IT! BRENNER! THAT'S THE ONE, BABY! [he and his wife hug. Two Admiral's shake hands. Violet sees Sam Brenner exit his Ghost Car and chuckles in disbelief.]
Man in Crowd
[Sam Brenner emerges from the parking garage]
He's over here!
Woman in Crowd
[Sam Brenner is greeted with thunderous cheers and applause. Eddie arrives on a fire truck, drenched, and gives the crowd a "Rock on!" hand gesture.]
Fire Blaster, I love you!
[Ludlow appears holding a blanket over something.]
Hey, guys! Sorry, coming through. I'm one of tonight's heroes, sorry. [to Sam and Eddie] Hey! [whispers] Hey. Check it out. I think I might have found our next trophy.
Can I kill it?
No! Let's get to know him a little bit. Ask him some questions. And then we'll kill him.
Huh?
I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.
Bye.
Will Cooper [after saving Sam, Violet and Ludlow from being pixelated by Frogger, and takes off Chewbacca mask.]
Nobody's better at the Crane Game than me!
Chewie?! What's with the disguise, buddy?
Will Cooper They tried to take me to some underground bunker, so I went rogue. [reveals his Arcader uniform]
Donkey Kong.
Will Cooper The one game you suck at.
Yeah.
Jennifer [the President and his wife are decorating a cake with sprinkles]
Mr. President.
Will Cooper [gains attention]
Yes, Jennifer.
Jennifer We just received an alien transmission from the "Where's the beef?" lady.
Will Cooper What did she say?
Jennifer First of all, she asked where the beef was, then she said the next battle was on at sundown tomorrow. 5130'29" latitude, 09'42" longitude.
Will Cooper Where's that?
Jim Porter [storms through the crowd to Sam Brenner]
What did you do?!
I didn't do anything. I-I thought we obeyed every rule.
Jim Porter You thought wrong, civilian! We squandered our one chance on you, a hi-fi repair man.
Jim Porter [interrupts Sam]
But nothin'! You heard Hall & Oates! You blew it! I've seen your files. You never accomplished a darn thing in your entire life.
Jim Porter I wouldn't get smart with me, Colonel! You were all over the sideshow that did nothing but waste valuable time. Sometimes I wonder if you're not working for the Martians yourself!
Drop dead, Admiral!
Jim Porter [points at Violet]
You're done!
Will Cooper [breaks up the argument]
Alright, hey guys, that's enough! Listen, we tried something, it didn't work.
