Gentlemen, I'll be sending Pac-Man's current coordinates to each of your car's GPSes. Let's locate and eliminate.
[Pac-Man chases man on his bicycle. Ludlow is shocked.] [confused]
Pac-Man's a bad guy?
PI Professor Iwatani
[Iwatani sees Pac-Man eat man's bike.]
Pac-Man is not bad! I created him to bring joy to all the people of the world! They have brainwashed him! Deep down, he's kind, gentle. Someone you can tell your troubles to or grab a hamburger with.
PI Professor Iwatani
[Pac-Man stops in front of the Ghost Cars.]
You'll see.
[Iwatani exits his Ghost Car.]
Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!
Professor Iwatani, what are you doing?!
PI Professor Iwatani
I will talk to him. He's my son!
PI Professor Iwatani
[Iwatani walks up to Pac-Man.] [to Pac-Man]
Hello, my sweet, little boy. Look how big you've grown. I'm so proud of you.
It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
PI Professor Iwatani
But all these destructive things you're doing, it's wrong. I'm your father. I know, you're a good boy.
[Iwatani reaches out. Ludlow nods as if saying, "Go on." Suddenly, Pac-Man bites Iwatani's hand into pixels, and Iwatani screams in pain.]
NOOOOO!!!!
PI Professor Iwatani
SOMEBODY KILL THIS STUPID BITCH!!!!
[shocked and horrified]
That was some twisted Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there!
[Pac-Man runs away]
All right, losers! It's 3 on 1. Let's hit it!
[the Arcaders start chasing Pac-Man. During the chase, Pac-Man eats a fire truck.]
Pac-Man's faster than I remember!
Pac-Man's always been faster than the ghosts. We're gonna have to out-maneuver his ass. [he and the Arcaders sharply turn around a car.] Wonderfro, you and Silver Medal break off. [The Arcaders go in different directions.] I'll stay with Big Yellow.
[sees Eddie's car going another way very quickly.]
Whoa! Eddie, how did you do that so fast?
'Cause I'm the champ, Lieutenant Long Legs.
[Pac-Man eats an ambulance, but runs into Ludlow Lamonsoff.]
Nope!
[Pac-Man runs into Sam Brenner.]
What's up?
[Pac-Man tries to run away, but sees Eddie Plant about to kill him.]
OH, YEAH!
[Eddie kills Pac-Man]
Good one, Eddie.
Two to go! [the Arcaders go another way.] All right, Pac-Man Number Two just regenerated four streets away headed North Bound. Turn east at the next intersection. Brenner, go straight.
Ludlow, go left. [Ludlow does so] Eddie, at the next intersection, turn left.
We got him! He's got nowhere to go!
[Pac-Man eats a Power Pellet, thus turning all the Ghost Cars dark blue.] [shocked]
Oh, God. No!
He ate the Power Pellet! Pac-Man's got 10 seconds where he can eat us! [Pac-Man starts chasing Ludlow] Why me?! [Ludlow runs away] Oh, God, don't eat me, don't eat me, don't eat me. Please, please don't eat me. [Pac-Man starts eating Ludlow's Ghost Car, and he screams in terror] GUYS! HELP! I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN! [Ludlow barely escapes the Ghost Car before it gets eaten by Pac-Man. Then Pac-Man turns around and continues chasing Ludlow.] Why are you doing this to me? [Ludlow runs for his life.] YOU'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!
LUDLOW, RUN! PUMP YOUR LEGS! GO, BABY!
[Ludlow continues running from Pac-Man. Suddenly, Eddie appears and kills Pac-Man again.] [as the people in the office cheer]
ATTABOY, EDDIE!
[chuckles]
You just got fire-blasted, sucka!
[makes finger guns at Eddie.] [weakly]
Uh-huh. [faints from fear.]
How the Hell did he get over there so fast?
[to Eddie]
Way to go, champ!
Aren't you glad you sprung me, Second Place?
[sarcastically]
Yeah. Thrilled. [normally] One more to go and it's Happy Hour.
[Pac-Man Number Three regenerates where Pac-Man Number Two died, and Sam and Eddie chase Pac-Man leaving Ludlow laying in the street.]
So I, I guess they're just leaving me here.
[Pac-Man runs for his life as Sam and Eddie chase him.]
Now it's time for the hat trick.
[Eddie accelerates but Pac-Man turns right causing Eddie to fly off of the road, falling into the East River.]
Wow!
Brenner, it's on you. There are still 3 other Power Pellets out there, so stay alert.
I got this. If I don't, the world ends. Can't let that happen.
Come on, Brenner. Come on.
[Sam continues chasing Pac-Man]
Brenner, he leading you directly towards one of the Power Pellets. Get out of there.
[Pac-Man eats Power Pellet, turning Sam Brenner's Ghost Car dark blue, and starts chasing Sam Brenner] [with a game face]
1.
[confused]
What the Hell is he doing?
[angrily]
Damn it, Brenner, I have a son who I'd like to see grow up!
3. You'll see your boy grow up. [Pac-Man chases him into parking garage] 4.
[alarmed]
Brenner, get out; He's going to eat you!
[getting chased through the parking garage.]
5. 6. 7. 8. 9. [closes his eyes tight. The Ghost Car and Pac-Man fly through the air in slow-mo, and Pac-Man opens his mouth, about to eat Sam Brenner.] ...10. [barely kills Pac-Man Number Three. He lands on another part of the parking garage, and he breathes heavily, as Pac-Man powers down.]
[as everyone cheers wildly]
OH! OH! YOU DID IT! BRENNER! THAT'S THE ONE, BABY! [he and his wife hug. Two Admiral's shake hands. Violet sees Sam Brenner exit his Ghost Car and chuckles in disbelief.]
MI Man in Crowd
[Sam Brenner emerges from the parking garage]
He's over here!
WI Woman in Crowd
[Sam Brenner is greeted with thunderous cheers and applause. Eddie arrives on a fire truck, drenched, and gives the crowd a "Rock on!" hand gesture.]
Fire Blaster, I love you!
[Ludlow appears holding a blanket over something.]
Hey, guys! Sorry, coming through. I'm one of tonight's heroes, sorry. [to Sam and Eddie] Hey! [whispers] Hey. Check it out. I think I might have found our next trophy.
[uncovers blanket revealing Q*Bert mumbling] [intrigued]
It's Q*Bert.
[excitedly]
Yeah, I know! I know.
No! Let's get to know him a little bit. Ask him some questions. And then we'll kill him.
I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.
Most violent game I've ever seen. Eh-eh, I don't think it's healthy for ya.
It's fine, I can handle it.
No, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to homeboy.
QB Q*Bert
[shaking in fear]
So much blood!
Yeah. Hey, you know what'll cheer ya up? A cheese ball.
Huh? Come on, suck one up. [Q*Bert sucks up a cheese ball.] Take a handful. [throws a handful of cheese balls in the opposite direction, and Q*Bert sucks them in.] That was smooth. [chuckles] That was very smooth! [to Matty] You know, we should get him some exercise, maybe throw him on the trampoline for a little bit?
QB Q*Bert
[excitedly]
Trampoline! Trampoline! Trampoline!
Okay. How about me and him do that while you go ask my mom to the ball tomorrow night?
Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to your mother.
QB Q*Bert
[as his signature swear bubble appears]
Bullcrap!
[to Q*Bert]
You're right, I am. Okay. Here, finish these. [Q*Bert finishes cheese ball container] You gettin' chubby. [Q*Bert chuckles]
[watching Matty play "The Last of Us" on the PlayStation 3]
There's no rhyme or reason to this game. Where are the patterns? He just attacks out of left field.
Patterns? Is that why you were so good with Pac-Man and Centipede? You memorized the patterns?
Yeah. Only way to beat these things. Count the bullets, calculate the speed, crunch the numbers.
Oh, boy. Why? What do you do?
You gotta pretend you're the guy and you don't wanna die.
Yeah, that sounds cool, but it's not gonna work every time.
That's why you have your reset button.
Yeah, we didn't have those growin' up. [about "The Last of Us"] Most violent game I've ever seen. Eh-eh, I don't think it's healthy for ya.
[thinking Sam Brenner is talking to him]
It's fine, I can handle it.
[to Matty; clarifying]
No, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to homeboy.
QB Q*Bert
[shaking in fear]
So much blood!
Yeah. Hey, you know what'll cheer ya up? A cheese ball.
Huh? Come on, suck one up. [Q*Bert sucks up a cheese ball.] Take a handful. [throws a handful of cheese balls in the opposite direction, and Q*Bert sucks them in.] That was smooth. [chuckles] That was very smooth! [to Matty] You know, we should get him some exercise, maybe throw him on the trampoline for a little bit?
QB Q*Bert
[excitedly]
Trampoline! Trampoline! Trampoline!
Okay. How about me and him do that while you go ask my mom to the ball tomorrow night?
Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to your mother.
QB Q*Bert
[as his signature swear bubble appears]
Bullcrap!
[to Q*Bert]
You're right, I am. Okay. Here, finish these. [Q*Bert finishes cheese ball container] Your gettin' chubby. [Q*Bert chuckles]
