Paul [talking to himself]
What are you trained to do? Nothing...
Most-quoted character in Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009): in 11 of its 19 quotes
Most scenes with: Maya (3)
to a villain] Hey You, Scuba-dooby-doo! [sends a scuba tank into a villain, knocking him out]
More lines from Paul
5 quotes Paul Paul [from trailer]
Nobody knows this mall better than I do.
Paul [from trailer]
Safety never takes a holiday.
Paul [after showing a Loch Ness Monster tattoo on his lower back that he got while drunk]
It's the Loch Ness Monster. I don't drink.
Paul [headbutts criminal, groans]
Nobody wins with a headbutt.
Scenes with Paul
5 scenes
Kent Blart! [sees Veck handcuffed] Oh, very impressive; Taking down an assailant without a gun. [pulls out gun] I hope you don't mind if I use one.
Paul Blart What? [Veck chuckles] Oh, no.
Kent Oh, yeah.
Paul I guess it's off to the Cayman Islands, then, huh?
Kent Soon as I get my money.
Paul Yeah, well, you'll be needing this. [shows cell phone]
Just give it to him, Dad.
Paul [to Maya]
Oh, I will. [to Veck] SUCK ON THAT!!! [smashes cell phone]
Kent Okay. [talking to police radio] Situation update.
Police Radio
We have seven assailants in custody, sir.
Kent [to police radio]
Great. Nobody talks to 'em, but me.
Police Radio
Yes, sir.
Kent [to Paul Blart]
You see, jackass, I don't need the phone. 'Cause I got all the access codes written on their arms. Now, if I kill you three, there'll be no witnesses. And since everybody thinks this was a bank rob-- [gun gets shot of his hand] OW! [He and Howard look in shock at Chief Brooks who shot him with Howard's gun. Howard retrieves his gun and cuffs Kent]
Howard I got a newsflash for ya. Your flight's been cancelled.
Brooks [looking at his notebook of comebacks]
That's better than anything I got.
Hey, Blart? I was hoping we could get an ETA of when you're going to give up.
Paul How about now? I'll meet you on the corner of "ne" and "ver". Yeah. You heard me. [in a growling voice mimicking Yzma from The Emperor's New Groove] NEVER!
Fat lady
[Paul arrives in Victoria's Secret]
I found it first.
Thin lady
No, you didn't.
Paul Ladies? Problem. What's the genesis?
Thin lady
She's trying to take the last push-up bra in this size.
Victoria's Secret cashier
There's gonna be a new shipment tomorrow. They'll be here by noon.
Fat lady
[to the cashier]
Well, I need this one now. I have a date tonight.
Thin lady
[condescendingly]
Really? Is he blind?
Paul [In frustration, the fat lady throws a soda on the ground. The thin lady and the cashier are disgusted] [startled]
Whoa! Waterproof shoes and Baggies on the socks. Not my first rodeo. Okay, ladies, need to see some ID.
Fat lady
No, you don't.
Paul [sternly]
Ma'am, I should warn you, I do have the authority to make a citizen's arrest.
Fat lady
So does anyone. I could arrest you right now.
Victoria's Secret cashier
[siding with the fat lady]
That's true. She could.
Paul Hey, not talking to you. Okay? [to the fat lady] Can I... uh... see you for a second, please, ma'am? [steps aside. The two ladies exchange looks. Paul signals for the fat lady to come to him. The fat lady obeys and approaches him] Look, I understand your sensitivity. I've had some issues with weight myself.
Fat lady
[taking it the wrong way]
Are you calling me fat?
Paul Oh, no! No, no, no, no. I'm just saying I've been down that road. I mean... I mean, I'm still on it. We both are, you know? Stranded. Let's face it, we eat to fill a void, right? But as soon as I started eating healthier, I noticed I wasn't so moody. And PS, your skin's gonna clear up.
Fat lady
[The fat lady pulls off her earrings and offers them to Paul]
Can you hold onto these?
Paul [his hand out]
Sure.
Paul [The fat lady hands her earrings to Paul before abruptly and brutally slugging him in the face, making him stumble into some nearby bra racks. The fat lady grabs Paul and throws him into some more racks, shattering them. The cashier, the thin lady, and Veck are appalled. As Paul gets up, the lady attacks him]
She's got tremendous upper body strength. BACKUP! BACKUP! She's biting my neck. She's biting my neck. BACKUP! [pushes the lady off of him. She bumps the cashier counter] BACKUP!! BACKUP!!! [the fat lady lunges at Paul and punches him in the chest one last time, knocking him to the ground]
Paul [after drinking Margarita, thinking it is lemonade]
That lemonade is insane.
Vijay Yeah, Paul. That's because it's a Margarita.
Paul No. I-I-I don't drink.
Paul Let's see. I know a lot about sharks.
Mom Let me stop you right there. [types something in] "Well-built, and a great hugger."
