Chris Rock movie quotes

View Quote Alex, do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming. If a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.

View Quote (breaking the silence) It's the man!

View Quote I'm ten years old, my life's half over. And I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes.

View Quote His only real beef with mankind is the shit that gets carried out in His name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism. The big one though, is the factioning of the religions. He said, "Mankind got it all wrong by takin' a good idea and building a belief structure out of it."

View Quote White folks only wanna hear the good shit — life eternal, a place in God's Heaven - but as soon as you hear that you're gettin' all this good shit from a black Jesus, you freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior.

View Quote Hey, man, back in the old days with J.C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?

View Quote [Drix shoves his gun arm into the flu shot's mouth and Osmosis gets an idea] Uh-oh, you done done it now, brother. You had your chance with me but now you got Psycho-Cop. He's Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! He's going to go 'El Pueo Loco' on your crazy behind!

View Quote You see this badge? You see this gun? You see this white saccus membranous around my personhood? You're talking to a white blood cell here! I should be in the veins fighting disease, not up in the mouth on tartar control.

View Quote Osmosis Jones to dispatch. We got multiple germs coming down the windpipe and if these bad boys hit the blood stream, we're going to be illin'.

View Quote Hey Doc, why'd ya go and do that? Now, if he tries to eat me again, I'm gonna smack that mustache off ya face!

View Quote Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight!

View Quote Baby Alligator: Mama?
Rodney: Mama? I'm not your mama.
Baby Alligator: Mama?

View Quote Do you know that I came up with the idea for Sesame Street? I came up with it before PBS. The white man stole it. That's right. I was gonna call it "N.W.P." - ****z With Puppets. Catchy, ain't it?

View Quote Do you think "Fat Albert" had an inker? No, Bill Cosby did the whole thing with a roller and it was EXCELLENT.

View Quote Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here.

View Quote Etch A Sketch!

View Quote I'm gonna kill you, butt biter!

View Quote Right in the batteries!

View Quote Tiger Woods, Y'all, Tiger Woods, Y'all! Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger Woods, Y'all!

View Quote We're going in there. If you can walk, let's walk. If you can't walk, it's time to roll. If you have crutches, then crutch your ass in there!

View Quote I had a hard enough time trying to get this girl as a rich white man. Do you know how hard it's going to be to try to get her as a broke black man?

View Quote Forget about being part of the herd, I'm gonna be part of the flock. I'm gonna fly, baby!

View Quote Hey, be cool! Be cool. [turns to DuBois] Hi, officer! Is there a problem?

View Quote Ta-da! ♪ Da da da-da-da-da-da da, circus! Da da da-da-da-da-da-da, Afro! Circus Afro Circus Afro Polka dot, polka dot, polka dot, Afro! ♪

View Quote Butters: You have the right to remain silent, so shut the **** up! Okay!? You have the right to an attorney! If you can't afford an attorney, we'll provide you with the dumbest ****in' lawyer on Earth! But if you get Johnnie Cochran, I'll kill ya!
Waiter: Johnnie Cochran! He fight for me!

View Quote Murtaugh: "What you got got in hands there?
Butters: Uh-uh...a nut cup? I got some big nuts!
Murtaugh: "T-That's nitro...hmmm....oxide!
Butters: It's a laughing gas!
Murtaugh: W-W-We're stoned!

View Quote Butters: Your baby is having my baby!
Murtaugh: My baby is having his baby!
Butters: "And your baby? Whoa, baby!"
Murtaugh: "Whoa baby my baby!"

View Quote (sobbing) I tried to kick... but that shit just be callin' me man, it be callin' me, man... I just got to go to it!

View Quote (Pooky describing a room used for freebasing) They call it the "Enterprise Room", man, because it's for people who wanna be beamed up to Scotty.

View Quote [as Pooky peers into camera in despair] Scottie, help me - I'm gonna die!

View Quote [Acting on a tip from longtime inmate Skitchy, Caretaker, Paul Crewe and Nate Scarborough infiltrate the prison record room]
Nate Scarborough: [accessing main computer] Hazen has a rating system for every con.
Paul Crewe: [sees the three-star rating on Big Tony Cobianco's file] What's three stars?
Nate: The more prone to violence that the inmate is, the more stars he gets.
Skitchy: Five stars is the max.
Caretaker: I didn't know that.
Skitchy: Yeah.
Caretaker: Let's see how many stars my maniacal ass got. [Nate accesses file and sees Caretaker only had a 0.5 star rating]
Paul: Wow.
Caretaker: Half a star? That's gotta be a mistake. Check it again. Check it again.
Paul: You're about as maniacal as a boxful of kittens.
Caretaker: Come on, that's not funny, man. I'm gonna have to stab somebody or something. Get my rep up.
Paul: Why don't we have a maniacal pillow fight tonight. That could get it up some.
Skitchy: [overhears] Yeah. We can sell it to pay-per-view. Superstar Versus Half-a-Star.

View Quote [Paul approaches some black inmates]
Inmate: Hey, yo, check out this fake Slim Shady, man.
Cheeseburger Eddy: I knew you couldn't resist my shit. I got the shakes that will make you quake, I got the fries that will cross your eyes, I got the burgers that will... [Crewe shrugs head] I just got burgers.
Paul Crewe: I'm all right. Thank you. Just wanted to talk to you fellas about possibly joining the football team.
Deacon: The only game we'd play with you is "Slap the Point-Shaving White Boy Till He Cries Like a Baby-Back Bitch."
Cheeseburger Eddy: [makes a robot dance as his friends laugh] Baby-back bitch, baby-back bitch Baby-back bitch.
Caretaker: That's a big-ass robot.
Paul: Yeah.

View Quote [Having finished another practice session, Caretaker peps up the team]
Caretaker: Now who we gonna crush?!
Crowd: THE GUARDS!
Caretaker: Who we gonna kill?!
Crowd: THE GUARDS!
Caretaker: Who we gonna kiss?!
Brucie: THE GUARDS!
Caretaker: Gotcha. [everyone mocks Brucie]