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Rufus quotes

Oh, did that suck! [after falling out of the sky]

Hey! What just happened gave me a ****ing migraine! So if you don't pipe down, I'm gonna rip your sack off like a paper towel!

Death is a worry of the living. The dead, like myself, only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.

Rufus it is. Usually it's Long Rufus, but, uh, it's a little cold out here. You'd understand.

You know, Christ told me the secret to the Resurrection once. We were at this wedding in Cana, right? And I-I got drunk and forgot it.

Hey, man, back in the old days with J.C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?

White folks only wanna hear the good shit — life eternal, a place in God's Heaven - but as soon as you hear that you're gettin' all this good shit from a black Jesus, you freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior.

His only real beef with mankind is the shit that gets carried out in His name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism. The big one though, is the factioning of the religions. He said, "Mankind got it all wrong by takin' a good idea and building a belief structure out of it."

The nature of God and the Virgin Birth--these are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? That's just plain gullibility!

Come on, demon! Let me see you try that shit on somebody who's already dead!

Knew him? Shit! Nigga owes me twelve bucks. (when asked if he knew Jesus)

That's one way of putting it. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to shit by big ****ing rocks!

We were sent from Him who is called "I am"! (shrugs) It worked for Moses...

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