Osmosis Jones You see this badge? You see this gun? You see this white saccus membranous around my personhood? You're talking to a white blood cell here! I should be in the veins fighting disease, not up in the mouth on tartar control.
Voiced by Chris Rock 
Osmosis Jones (2001) · 92 quotes
Osmosis Jones (2001) · 92 quotes
Most-quoted character in Osmosis Jones (2001): in 27 of its 92 quotes
Most scenes with: Drix (8), Mrs. Boyd (5), Leah Estrogen (3)
Uh-oh, you done done it now, brother. You had your chance with me but now you got Psycho-Cop. He's Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! He's going to go 'El Pueo Loco' on your crazy behind!
More lines from Osmosis Jones
13 quotes Osmosis Jones Osmosis Jones Osmosis Jones to dispatch. We got multiple germs coming down the windpipe and if these bad boys hit the blood stream, we're going to be illin'.
Osmosis Jones [The Chief asks Jones where he was in their conversation]
Uh, you were just talking about promoting me to head of brain security.
Osmosis Jones [Thrax demands to know who the undercover Jones really is]
Uh, "Bad Booty-Shaken Pickanosis", yeah, that's who I am.
Osmosis Jones Next time, I'll be the bad cop.
Osmosis Jones Money ain't gonna be your biggest problem if you don't tell me what you know about the sinuses.
Osmosis Jones Well, you dealin' with a white blood cell here!
Osmosis Jones You want Osmosis? You got Osmosis!
Osmosis Jones That's Chill. He's a flu shot.
Osmosis Jones Just as long as it doesn't hit 108 degrees, or Frank's daughter's an orphan.
Osmosis Jones Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.
Osmosis Jones It's just the way I like it: Extra disgusting.
Osmosis Jones Great, got me a college boy.
Scenes with Osmosis Jones
13 scenes Osmosis Jones Goodbye, Drips.
That's Drix.
Osmosis Jones Whatever.
Osmosis Jones In the words of the immortal James Brown, get down!
James who?
This thing is huge.
Osmosis Jones Don't be all impressed 'cause 99 percent of that, is just sugar, ya know.
Yeah, and 99 percent of you is just stupid.
Osmosis Jones I bet Johnny Streptoccocis in the Melanoma family would be very interested to hear about your flu shot work.
Flu Shot
You can't jack me on that brother. I'm in the Virus Protection Program.
Oh my, what big zits he has. How does something like this happen?
Osmosis Jones You wash your face with fried chicken, that's how.
Osmosis Jones Whoo-hoo! Next time, I'll be the bad cop.
You are a bad cop.
Osmosis Jones Yo, who ya calling "bad cop"?!
Attention, germs! You are surrounded! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, surrounded!
Osmosis Jones Yo, Hammer! You can stop dancing!
[deleted scene]
The eye? What are we doing here? Do I have to remind you that I am on a strict twelve hour time release program? First the throat, then the nose, then the aches and pains.
Osmosis Jones Yeah, I got it. Real important stuff. Now, get your butt out of my car!
Oh! I don't even have a butt. Officer, if I don't get to the sinuses, my entire relief mission could be jeopardized.
Osmosis Jones Yo, it's time we take a look at the big picture. See? The Big F. He's the one we're here to protect and serve. I mean, just look at him. Doesn't he make you want to be a better cell?
Osmosis Jones Hey, watch it! Show the man some respect! He's the reason all of us are here.
Take me to the nose!
Osmosis Jones Dude, just wait in the car. I got police work to do.
Osmosis Jones Baby, I always knew you and me were gonna hook up. I know this little spot right behind the eye, has the perfect view - perfect for a little rendezvous between me and you. You know what I'm sayin'? Do you know what I'm sayin'? 'Cause I been sayin' it a long time.
Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?
Osmosis Jones Whatcha talkin' about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me.
Oh, really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who most likely divides with himself.
Osmosis Jones Don't be all impressed, 'cause 99% of that is just sugar, ya know.
Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid.
Osmosis Jones Ooh, like I haven't heard that one before!
Osmosis So, where you from, tough stuff?
I was developed at the University of Chicago, where I graduated Phi Beta Capsule.
Osmosis Great, got me a college boy...
Where did you study?
Osmosis Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.
Oh...
Osmosis I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central.
Oh?
Osmosis No, it was in the crack. [Drix whimpers] Right in the stanky, puckered center. We were so poor, we lived off of peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
NO!
And who are you?
Osmosis Jones Who am I? Who am I? Uh, Bad Booty-shakin' Pickanosis. Yeah! That's who I am!
I never heard of you.
Osmosis Jones That's cause you just got here. You ask any of these suckers, when it comes to illin', Bad Booty-shakin' Pickanosis stands above the rest.
Dispatcher
[over radio]
Suspect is headed toward the uvula - repeat, headed toward the uvula.
Osmosis Jones What the heck is a u-va-la?
It's that little dangly thing that hangs down in Frank's--
Osmosis Jones [interrupting]
Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!
Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!
Osmosis Jones [Pause]
I knew that. I knew that.
