[Back at the resistance camp, a meeting was being held inside a tree, with Shrek and Donkey, who were untied, looking from the outside through some holes in the tree. Fiona has gathered Brogan, Gretched, Cookie, and some other ogres to discuss a battle plan, which was set out on a rock table, with little model figures and everything.]
Listen up, everyone. Word has come from Far Far Away. Stiltskin is leading tonight’s ogre hunt himself.
O Ogres
He’s never done that before. What? Why?
I bet that’s because of us.
If that cupcake-eating clown finally leaves the safety of his filthy witch nest, he’ll be vulnerable.
The plan’s simple. If they follow the usual patrol route, they’ll reach the river by midnight. We’ll be concealed along this road, waiting for his caravan. Once they reach the clearing, I’ll give the signal. And then we attack!
[She raised her actual dagger and used it to slide the ogre models toward the witch models, knocking the latter down and off the table.]
And when the smoke clears... [noticed a model of Cookie with some sort of wagon.] Wait, what’s this?
That’s my chimichanga stand.
No, Cookie. We won’t be needing that.
Trust me, Fiona. Y’all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, okay? Go ahead and finish your little speech.
All right, as I was saying, when the smoke clears, Rumpelstiltskin is gone, and the chimichangas have been eaten. Far Far Away will finally be free.
Spread the word. We move out as soon as Rumpel leaves the palace.
[The other ogres chattered in agreement, while outside, Shrek and Donkey looked concerned.]
Man, this is serious!
[slumps back]
Tell me about it. How am I ever gonna get her to kiss me before sunrise?
Actually, I was talking about the revolution.
Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you are her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
[sarcastically]
Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire-breathing dragon, and you have little mutant donkey-dragon babies?
You saw what happened; she's gonna think I'm crazy.
Donkey [not listening] I'm a daddy?!
[spots the frog]
You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once... [blows into a frog's mouth, inflating it like a balloon] Then I can do it again.
[Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.]
Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. [rushes up to plate] Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!
Donkey! [Points Donkey] Don't eat that! [Donkey stopped and frowned.] There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious? [Donkey trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.] I’m just... What are you...? Bad Donkey! Mustn't--I said, don’t! Don't! No! Get away from it! [Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.] You did.
[Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.]
Uh-oh.
[The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out in the direction of the two.] [ducks]
Look out!
[But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifted the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.]
Donkey! Are you OK?
I'm fine. [But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.]
Donkey. [leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to army crawl through it.]
Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!
[Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool, and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.]
O1 Ogre #1
Watch your head.
O2 Ogre #2
[He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.]
Hey, it's a new guy!
O3 Ogre #3
Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.
He's really tiny, isn’t he?
[Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.]
Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!
O3 Ogre #3
[The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.]
Let's go, greenie.
Now, wait a minute! [He was placed in an armored vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.] Hey!
[An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witches' clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy and brawled with it. Shrek]
Welcome to the resistance.
[puts arm around Shrek]
We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere! [He then held his nose and started blowing a horn-like sound through his ears, and then all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.]
[about soldiers using their horn]
I didn't know we could do that.
Help! You can't eat me! I got the mange! I'm poisonous! I'm all poi...
I'll take him! This order's to go.
Hey! I haven't removed his giblets yet.
Trust me, you don't wanna eat this one.
I go down smooth, but come out fighting!
Your dinner is my friend!
I got to get the giblets out!
O Ogres
She's back. [Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad in a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet and revealed herself to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flair. When Shrek saw her, he grinned with such relief.]
[happily]
Fiona! [hands axe to one of the ogres, begins running up to her, Fiona spots him] I'm so happy I found you!
[Fiona kicks him in the jaw and sends him flying, yelling in slow motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced, while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up.] [walked up to him, handing her axe to Gretched.]
Maybe you missed orientation, [her helmet to Brogan.] but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.
[Shrek looked very worried at her] [confused]
You don't know who I am, do you?
No. [to Brogan] Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room. [Brogan agreed]
[to Gretched]
Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.
[turns on Shrek, annoyed]
What is it?!
[calmly]
OK, I know you don’t remember me, but... we’re married. [Needless to say, Fiona gave a confused look as he recapped the incident at the birthday party.] Hear me out. And at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, [As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.] and this boy kept saying, [as Butterpants] "Do the roar. Do the roar." Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate, and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole. [Needless to say as well, pretty much all ogres were completely dumbstruck, and so was Donkey.] Right? Who’s with me?
Wow, [chuckles a bit] I guess I must have kicked him harder than I thought.
[The ogres in the resistance laughed a bit.] [pleading]
Fiona, I need to...
[But Fiona held his hand up, as a lookout ogre was perched on a lookout, making "caw" sounds.]
Witches! All right, everyone, you know the drill! [She and the other ogres [except Shrek] went to their battle stations.]
Witches! Oh, no! Witches! Witches!
[grabbed Donkey and the sticks he was still attached to.]
Come on, now.
[Some ogres quickly cut ropes to seal the large hiding holes and dropped sandbags to extinguish the fires. They secured weapons in a net and a few concealed themselves in a hole underground. Others, wearing rocks and plants on their heads, submerged in the swamp water, while Fiona, Brogan, and the remaining ogres, disguised with bushes, crouched around Shrek’s hiding spot. Shrek covered the whimpering Donkey’s mouth as three witches flew overhead on broomsticks. The lead witch glanced down but saw no ogres or camp, then sneered and flew off to Rumpelstiltskin's castle. Once they left, the ogres emerged from hiding and murmured as they returned to their posts.]
Fiona, that's the third patrol today. We can’t hide forever.
Trust me, Brogan. After tonight, we won’t have to.
[Shrek and Donkey just sat where they were.] [to Shrek]
That's your wife?
Well, I see who wears the chainmail in your family! [Shrek gave a weird look at him.]
[Inside the castle, the citizens came with their prisoners, and none of them was Shrek, as the dictator pointed out while pacing and inspecting each one. One citizen even brought in a bag of flour with a scary green face painted on it.]
Not Shrek! That is not Shrek! Also not Shrek! [saw Butter Pants and his father with a big green creature they captured.] That's not even an ogre; it is a troll! Nice try. [sees that Wolf was wearing a Shrek head over his own, claiming to be captured by the pigs.] And that...
...is just sad. [spotted Pinocchio with his father, dressed in Shrek's clothes and fake ogre ears, with his face painted green and hands tied by a rope that the puppet was holding.] And what is that supposed to be?
G Geppetto
I'm just a frightened old man.
Don't listen to him! These ogres are crafty!
That is your father painted green.
No, it's Shrek! Honest! [his nose grew and hit Rumpelstiltskin in the face, making Rumpelstiltskin shout in pain as he swatted it out of his face.]
Oh! Aye! Ow! [to a witch] Take them away! [Witch takes Pinocchio and Geppetto away. Rumpelstiltskin went to his table, frustrated] Can no one bring me Shrek?! Where is he? How hard can it be?! [angrily pounded on the table in frustration] I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! [Then the door of the throne room slammed open]
[offscreen]
Stiltskin! [Rumpelstiltskin jumped up and looked back, seeing Shrek wander through the aisle] I hear you're looking for me.
All right! Finally! [calls out and looks around] Who turned him in? Who gets the deal of a lifetime?
[took the 'deal of a lifetime' contract out of Rumpelstiltskin's hand]
I do.
If I'm turning myself in, I get the deal of a lifetime. [He plucked a feather from Fifi and dipped it in the magic ink jar] That means you have to give me anything I want.
[leaped onto the table, stopped Shrek signing it]
No, no, no! Only true love's kiss can break your contract! So if you thought you were just gonna [mimics walking] doot-doot-doot in here and get your life back--
I'm not here to get my life back.
[with a glare]
Then what do you want?
[Outside the castle, Donkey and Puss waited when all the ogres of the resistance magically appeared, one by one, and dropped from the sky. Donkey saw Gretched falling towards where Puss was, so he used his teeth to pull the cat out of the way.]
The ogres, they're all free.
[They all went up to the gates, knowed Shrek was still inside.] [Long pause]
This is not good.
[Back in the throne room, the villagers have left, and Rumpelstiltskin was leading Shrek, who had his hands shackled, to a dungeon room, with four witches encircling the prisoner and pointing their brooms at him.]
I don't know. Not much of a storybook ending. [mockingly] The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres. [The witches trying to shackles Shrek with chains]
All that matters is that they're free, and Fiona is safe.
Awww, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that, but, hey, I guess you can tell her yourself. [He and the cackling witches turned to reveal Fiona, shackled as well, struggling to get out]
[Shrek and Fiona rushed to each other, but the weight of the shackles and chains held them back. They tried breaking free from them to no avail, and Rumpelstiltskin only cackled maniacally as he watched the two ogres struggle to reach each other in failed attempts to his pure wicked amusement]
Stiltstkin, we have a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!
[uncaring tone]
Oh, yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre, [slyly] is she? [He gave a smug, evil smirk. Shrek's face faltered as he looked over at Fiona worryingly.] By day, one way; by night, another. Blardy, blardy, blar. Ha-ha! [He skipped merrily out of the room in triumph and more triumphantly] Nobody's smart but me! [He and the laughing witches left the room, closing the doors and leaving the two prisoners alone. Shrek gave a solemn, sad look]
That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
[sullenly]
No, you were right. I wasn't there for you, and I'm not just at the dragon's keep, but... every day since.
[smiles softly]
Well, you're here now. [Long pause; Shrek grins at Princess Fiona]
[Outside the castle]
Let go of me; I have to save Shrek!
[angry]
DON'T BE A FOOL, MULE!
She's right. Rumpel's palace is locked up tighter than Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.
And that cupboard wasn't guarded by a whole bunch of mean, ugly, nasty witches.
PW Palace Witch #1
Hey! [The ogres, Donkey and Puss looks up at the two witches.] We can hear you!
Sorry! [Then the ogres, Donkey and Puss huddled.]
We must get into the palace.
Man, Shrek and I just busted out of that place!
[looks at a shield's reflection, confidently.]
The same way we're gonna bust in.
[last lines; The world went back to where Shrek was giving his big, loud ogre roars from before] [resume words]
RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!! [Once he was done, he panted and saw where he was. He was back in his own original world and at his kids' birthday party, as if he never left it. It was as if the magic of true love's kiss reversed everything to the event where he roared. He saw that everyone else in the Candy Apple was left stunned and silent for a bit until they all cheered.]
[chuckles as he hugs his dad]
I love you, daddy.
E Everyone
[chanting]
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! [Gingy saw one of the Three Blind Mice facing the other way, so he turned the mouse around correctly. Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head.]
Everybody, I have found... [lifts his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.] another cake!
[turned to see Fiona, the way she was before signing his life away. This time, he removed the party hat and went up to hug his wife.]
Oh, Fiona. I've never been better.
[Fiona smiled warmly, and the parents then heard their kids playfully roaring.]
Happy Birthday, Farkle. Fergus, my little man! And, Felicia, sweetheart... I believe this is yours.
F Felicia
Thank you, Daddy.
Hey, Uncle Shrek, how about giving my babies an encore!
Please, señor, let us have it! [The others insist eagerly. However, instead of a roar, Shrek holds his nose and blows a toot through his ears. Then, all three of his babies held their noses and blew smaller toots through their ears. As their friends applaud and Puss waves a little yellow flag, Fiona is astounded.]
I didn't know we can do that!
You know, I always thought that I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
No. It was you that rescued me.
[Fiona beams, before the two share a kiss with their babies hugging them, while everyone cheers. Then, the scene changed to a picture of the still scene on the final page of a book Shrek had out. "The End" We see Shrek's hand closing the book to his own story "Shrek Forever After", before placing the book up on a shelf, but the story is not quite over just yet. Shrek then went outside of his house in the swamp as another party was going on, with a new cover of the song "I'm a Believer" by Weezer from his first film's ending playing. Also, the ogres from the resistance came as guests. Shrek held out a tray of mugs with swamp drinks for them, and each took a glass before two ogres took Shrek and tossed him up in the air. Shrek lay on his back in the air happily. Fiona then caught him in her arms before the two smooched and chuckled. Donkey then slid down Dragon's spine before she used her tail to flick him into her mouth. She closed it before opening it back up, with Donkey's fur all fuzzy as it was in the alternate dimension, but he shook it off. The other ogres tossed a big ball made of their shields in the air, and the Wolf and pigs used the reflection of light off the Magic Mirror to shine on the ball, and Fiona was on top of the outhouse, spinning the ball with her finger like a basketball and also like a disco ball. Puss then flipped in the air and slid across a deck, sliding his sword across it, causing sparks to appear and lighting the villagers' sparklers, making them laugh and cheer. Puss then stopped near a shield Cookie held and saw that it made Puss look bloated (like it did in the alternate dimension), making Puss concerned. Queen Lillian then danced with one of the resistance ogres, passing a memorial with a portrait of King Harold and all the frogs who attended his funeral, each with a drink in their flipper and bobbing along to the song. The portrait of Harold's face was moving by itself, because most likely his ghost was taking its form, and gave a short smile. Even Fifi was there, seeing a small bluebird, snapping at it, trying to eat it, but the bluebird landed on Shrek's finger, and Fiona sang a high note, making not only the bluebird puff up, but Fifi puff up as well. Then Rumpelstiltskin, in a round cage, turned away from this, as there was an explosion of white feathers. When he looked, he saw that both birds had exploded, and all that was left of Fifi was her webbed feet. Everyone was stunned at first before they burst out laughing, while the horrified Rumpelstiltskin couldn't help but grieve for the loss of his pet, but before he could, he began to dance unwillingly, due to the Pied Piper using his flute power on the captured villain while outside the cage. Everyone then cheered for the small concert being given to them by Brogan, Cookie and Gretched. Brogan and Gretched were on guitars, while Cookie was on the drums. Then the three held their noses and blew through their ears. Some of the witches, who were also there and not on Rumpelstiltskin's side in this world, began taking off on their broomsticks for a joyride, cheering and whooping. However, the fifth witch couldn't take off because her broom turned out to be Pinocchio's nose grown long. She looked at the puppet behind her and shook her head. The other four witches flew through the sky and created a rainbow pattern with magic dust. Three of the Dronkeys flew up, each one carrying one of Shrek's kids in the air, going for a joyride themselves. Even Butter Pants was riding a Dronkey himself. At a stump, Gingy was riding an animal cracker horse, with the other animal crackers gathered around him. The Three Pigs appeared, not helping but finding the animal crackers tasty.]
D Dieter
Yummy!
[The pigs chowed down on all the animal crackers, leaving nothing but Gingy and his horse. Shrek and Fiona danced with each other before falling backwards in the mud. Now the ogre couple, and pretty much everyone else, except Rumpelstiltskin, the Dronkeys and Dragon, were all making mud angels in the mud, laughing and enjoying themselves, as the Dronkeys flew up in the air.]
[Opening scene starts the movie the book title Shrek Forever After the book opening the pages] [first lines; first words as narrating]
Once upon a time, a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona. But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre. Only true love's kiss could lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive. But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.
King Harold [King Harold and Queen Lillian drive to a shady carrage park.]
I don't know about this, Lillian. Fairy Godmother said only true love's kiss could break Fiona's curse.
Queen Lillian I don't trust that woman, Harold. This may be our last hope. Besides, he does come highly recommended by King Midas.
King Harold But to put our daughter's life in the hands of this... person? He's devious. He's deceitful. He's... he's...
R Rumpel
[Inside the carriage, the royal couple watches as Rumpelstiltskin dramatically spins his chair around to introduce himself.]
Rumpelstiltskin!
R Rumpel
[Thunder cracks while Fifi, Rumpel's monsterous goose honks.] [after kissing Lillian's hand]
Mrs Highness.
Queen Lillian [slightly repulsed]
Ugh... How... how do you do?
R Rumpel
[Fifi hisses at Harold]
Down, Fifi. Get down! [she does so, very slowly. He gets out the contract.] As you can see, everything's in order.
King Harold So you'll put an end... To our daughter's curse?
R Rumpel
And, in return, you sign the kingdom of Far Far Away, over to me. [More thunder is heard as close ups of Harold and Fifi are shown]
King Harold [To Queen Lillian]
Lillian, this is madness!
Queen Lillian What choice do we have, Harold? Fiona has been locked away in that tower far too long.
R Rumpel
It's not like she's getting any younger.
King Harold But to sign over our entire kingdom?
R Rumpel
Well, if your kingdom's worth more to you than your daughter...
King Harold [firmly]
Nothing is worth more to us than our daughter.
R Rumpel
[Rumplestilskin closes the windows, gets out a container of yellow ink and places it onto the table] [beckoning]
Jump, Fifi, jump! [Fifi leaps onto his lap, where he plucks a feather from her and dips it in the ink before handing it to Harold.] Just sign it, and all your problems disappear. [he pushes the contract to them. However, before Harold can sign it, a royal messenger bursts in through the door.]
M Messenger
Your Highnessǃ The Princessǃ She's been savedǃ
R Rumpel
[Both Harold and Lillian gasped in relief as Harold goes to rip up the contract.] [Confused]
Oh... Who saved her?
[Outside, Rumpel was in the trash, looking for scraps, as he saw a plate and licked it, trying to get some flavor. Then he heard the door slam as he hid, but he saw Shrek storm out of the party with Fiona following him.]
Unbelievable!
Tell me about it! Those villagers are...
I'm not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I'm talking about you. Is this really how you want to remember the kids' first birthday?
Oh, great. So this is all my fault?
Yes! But.... You know what? Let's talk about this after the party, at home.
You mean that roadside attraction we live in? [mimicking the tour guide] "Step right up! See the dancing ogre! Don't worry! He won't bite!" I USED to be an ogre, now I'm just a Jolly Green Joke!
Okay, okay. Maybe you're not the ogre you used to be, but maybe that's not such a bad thing.
[scoffs]
Oh, I wouldn't expect you to understand. It is not like you're a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace. [throws down the party hat]
[solemnly]
And the other half locked away in a tower.
[sighs]
Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when villagers were afraid of me, and I could take a mud bath in peace, when I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it. Back when the world made sense!
[sharply]
You mean, back before you rescued me from the Dragon's Keep?
[widens her eyes in great shock, not believing what her husband just told her; solemnly]
Shrek, you have 3 beautiful children, a wife who loves you, friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can't see that... is you?
[Shrek doesn't respond; Fiona heads back inside the party, but before she gets in, she glances at Shrek and shakes her head at Shrek, who just glares at her. She sadly closes the door, leaving Shrek alone. Stiltskin heard everything] [bitterly]
That's just great. [leaves]
[Stiltskin peeked out, and his pet goose Fifi, who was now freakishly larger than she was before, peeked out of another trash can, eating some trash. Rumpelstiltskin smirked evilly, knowing this was his chance to finally get back at Shrek, who had ruined his business.]
[Shrek knew the only place to look was the place he first rescued her: the dragon's keep, and that's where he went, with Donkey following. This time, there was no lava surrounding the castle. Shrek ran across the bridge, hoping to find Fiona.]
Shrek? Shrek! Shrek, no, wait! Wait, Shrek! What are you, crazy?! That's the Dragon's Keep! They keep dragons in there! [but he screamed when one of the boards he stepped on broke, so he quickly went back.] Okay, yeah, fine! Go ahead! I’m gonna just hang back here and find us some breakfast!
[Not paying attention to Donkey, Shrek just raced through the castle, breathing desperately. Thankfully, since Dragon wasn't there either for some reason, Shrek had no trouble making it to the stairs leading to the highest room in the tallest tower. He ran up those stairs and burst the door open, causing pigeons in the room to scatter.]
Fiona!
[He looked and saw the bed where he first found Fiona deserted, and the curtains and sheets were all ripped. That's not all he saw. He saw something behind the tapestry of a knight on a steed. He went over, pushing the tapestry aside, seeing markings on the stone wall. They were tallies of all the days Fiona had been locked in the tower. Shrek tore the tapestry off, and the whole wall was marked with tallies. Shrek put his hand on the wall in regret, and then, depressingly, went over to the bed, and there he saw Fiona's princess tiara.]
[He picked up the tiara, sat down and held it in his hands.]
If I didn’t saved Fiona... then who did?
[He then noticed another object on the ground, and that object was the handkerchief Fiona gave Shrek on the day he rescued her. He picked it up and held it as well. Soon, he returned from the castle, holding the handkerchief.]
This is the favor Fiona was supposed to give me on the day we met. [Donkey looked surprised.] It’s a symbol of our love. [pushes hankie in front of Donkey's face] Now smell it!
[winces]
Hey, man, get that dirty favor out of my face!
Your nose is the only chance I have of tracking down my wife, so stop complaining and start smelling. [waves it in front of Donkey] Smell it! Get it! Away you go, girl!
Do I look like a bloodhound to you? In case you haven't noticed, I’m a donkey, not a dog! If I was a dog, they'd call me Dog, not Donkey! And another thing... [Then he started sniffing.] Wait a minute. I think I got something. [sniffed the air some more, walking around a bit.] Whatever it is, it's sweet.
[frowns]
Hey! That's my wife you're talking about. [Donkey then abruptly rose his head up, and dashed off into the forest.] Donkey!
[So as all ogres began preparing all their weapons, Shrek just walked through the camp dejectedly.]
All right, let's get those axes sharpened and weapons packed! Preparation is half the battle!
[Then, Puss began running after Shrek.] [breathing heavily]
Ogre! Un momento! Un momento! [pants] Ogre, ogre, un momento! Just give me a minute.
Look, Puss, I'm a little pressed for time.
I am not believing what I have just witnessed. Back there, you and Fiona. There was a spark, a spark inside her heart I thought was long extinguished. It was as if, for one moment, Fiona had actually found her true love!
I AM her true love. I ended her curse.
By day, one way; by night, another. [We see a flashback of Fiona, in her human form, in the tower, shedding some tears as the sun was going down. She then lay down, and in a flash, she magically transformed into her ogre form, as part of the spell, and she lay there sorrowfully.] This shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form. [Flashback ends Puss gasped, stunned at what Shrek said.]
You even know the little rhyme! It is true! You are the one! You must prove it to her!
Convince her! Go to her when she is alone and tell her something that only her true love would know.
[popped up out]
Know about what?! [Puss screeched from being startled, and hissed at the Donkey.] Whoa! That's a whole lot of kitty! Shrek, can we keep him?
[Sometime later, Shrek was lying down asleep somewhere, as a familiar voice was heard singing outside.] [singing]
♪ Just thinking about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'Til there's none When I'm stuck with a day That's gray And lonely
[groans]
Donkey, stop with the singing, will you? [His eyes opened up in realization.]
♪ I just stick out my chin, and grin, and say
Donkey! [hit his head on the ceiling.] Ow!
[Shrek then looked and found out he was in some sort of cage on wheels.]
♪ Oh, the sun'll come out tomorrow. So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow. [He peeked and saw Donkey, fuzzier, pulling the carriage he was in. There were two witches on top of the cage in charge of driving.] Come what may, tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow! ♪
Donkey, where am I? What’s happening?!
CW Cage Witch #1
Quiet down there! Oh, I hate this song. [whipped Donkey, making him yelp as he sang a different song.]
[singing]
♪ But I made up my mind I'm keeping my baby Ooooh ♪
CW Cage Witch #2
Yeah, I’m driving, so I’m in charge of the music. [took the instrument of torture and gave the donkey another lash.]
Will you witches make up your mind, please? [The only response was another lash.] ♪ No matter what they take from me ♪ [The second witch grinned, apparently liking the song as she nudged her partner, who also liked the song. They even started to sing along.]
[singing]
♪ They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest love of all ♪
Psst, Donkey? What's going on? Do you know where Fiona is?
Shh! Quiet, ogre! You're gonna get me in trouble, and I need this job. I am not going back to work for Old MacDonald. Tell me to E-I-E-I-O. "E-I-E-I-No!" That's what I said.
Where are my babies? [as Donkey rolls his eyes] And where's your wife, Dragon?
Look, ogre. I think you have me confused with some other talking donkey. I've never seen you before in my life.
[puzzled]
Never seen me before? Come on, Donkey!
And how do you know my name anyway?
It's me, Shrek. Your best friend?
[scoffs]
A donkey and an ogre friends? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! [As he kept pulling the cage, Shrek fumed in frustration.]
Can you at least tell me where they're taking me?
To the same place they take every ogre, to Rumpelstiltskin.
CW Cage Witch
[hits Shrek with her broom]
I said, quiet! [The second witch whipped Donkey again.]
[singing]
♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪ [Shrek then pounded the cage angrily as he saw something definitely different, and to his horror, it was most of the letters of the Far, Far Away sign destroyed.] ♪ Why don't you hit me with your best shot? Hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ Fire away! ♪ [To make matters worse, the green hills of the kingdom were now like a barren wasteland, and the castle is replaced with a huge fortress of a castle with a familiar carriage at the top, with a big 'R' on top as well.]
[When the villagers of Far Far Away had pitchforks and torches, running and chanting "Shrek", looking for Shrek, as the coast is clear, Shrek, Donkey and Puss are hidden in an abandoned bar]
It seems that we are safe.
Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.
[bitterly]
Oh, what's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.
Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end. You'll see. Well, I'll bet by this time tomorrow-
[angrily]
Hey, don't you understand?! There is no tomorrow, [voice cracked] there's no day after that, and there's no day after that, DAY AFTER THAT! My life was perfect! And I'm never gonna get it back!
Well, if your life was so perfect, then why did you sign it all the way to Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?
Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone, alright?! [sighs, deeply remorseful now] I didn't know what I had. [He looked like he was about to cry, but then he felt something and heard tiny shouting. He looked down and saw Gingy hitting and attacking his feet with his lollipop.]
G Gingy
Ha! Chah! Surrender now! I'm taking you in! Don't try to fight it, ogre! The reward is mine!
[picked the gingerbread man up]
Gingy?
G Gingy
You unhand me, green devil!
G Gingy
Collecting my bounty!
What are you talking about, cracker?
G Gingy
Rumpelstiltskin promised the deal of a lifetime for whoever could bring you in.
G Gingy
[last words]
Where all your wishes come true. [Shrek pondered this for a bit.]
Wait a minute. I can still fix this.
Now, how you gonna do that?
[set Gingy down]
You know what? I'm gonna give Rumpelstiltskin exactly what he wants. [turns to Gingy] OK, Gingy, tell me about this... [But to his surprise, there were only crumbs and a gumdrop button on the ground. He looked and saw Puss eating something, and it was apparently Gingy. The cat noticed the ogre looking at him and gave a sheepish look.]
Were you going to eat that?
Butter Pants' father: Hey! I believe you promised my son a roar.
BP Butter Pants
Do the roar.
BP Butter Pants
[unimpressed]
I don't like it.
Pigs, we need another cake.
H Heimlich
But we ate ze other cakes.
[The babies cried some more, and Shrek tried calming them down by bouncing them.] Butter Pants' father: Come on, man. One roar!
Hey, everybody. Shrek's gonna do his famous ogre roar! [The Dronkeys gathered around their dad, excited for uncle Shrek's roar.]
Not now, Donkey. Pigs, are there any cupcakes?
D Dieter
We ate them, too.
H Heimlich
Zhey have lollipops.
D Dieter
What, you didn't share?
H Horst
[frowns]
Well, you didn't share the croissants!
[The babies cried some more.]
Everything's gonna be okay.
[came and took her kids, holding them.]
Shrek, what's going on?
[Butterpants was hugging Donkey.]
Come on, Shrek! Your fans are waitin'.
C Crowd
[Pinocchio ran around Shrek, singing and shouting indistinctly. Wolf blew another balloon up until it popped. Then everyone spoke or made noises at once. All of this pressure and tension going on today was taking a toll on Shrek enough; he was losing his patience, trying his best to fight it.]
Do the roar! Do the roar!
We need the cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!
[Shrek couldn't hold it in anymore, so he let out an enormous, furious ogre roar at the top of his lungs that nearly blew everyone away, even ButterPants' hat was blown off.]
RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!
[Once he was done, he panted and everyone else was left stunned and silent for a moment until they all cheered.] [chuckles as he hugs his dad]
I love you, daddy.
[Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head, to his annoyance.]
Everybody, I have found... [lifted his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.] Another cake!
[Everyone started chanting Shrek's name as Shrek stared angrily at the cake, fuming. The concerned Fiona just noticed the look on her husband's face as he handed Felicia to her mother.]
Shrek, are you okay?
E Everyone
[Shrek continued glaring at the adorable ogre picture on the cake, feeling it mocked him.] [chanting]
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
[Enraged, Shrek then slams his big fist into the cake's center after furiously ogre roars, making everyone gasp in shock. He gave a miserable stare at everybody, and even Fiona, who was more stunned than anyone else. Then he stormed out of the diner in anger. Everyone else just stood, stunned. Even Gingy was stunned as his frosting chaps fell off.]
[As Rumpelstiltskin angrily scrunches up a page from a library book about Shrek]
Uh– sir, you're gonna have to pay for that.
Uh– M-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?
[Looking devious]
Do you wanna be?
[Cut to Pinocchio kicking him out]
Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumple Stinkypants!
[Coughs as he gets up, then picks up the ripped-out page]
I wish that ogre was never born!
You gave me a day from your past. A day you wouldn't even remember. A day when you were an innocent, mindless, little baby. [Starts humming Happy Birthday to You]
You took the day I was born.
No, Shrek, you gave it to me.
Come on, Donkey, ¡Vamonos!
Man, you are a cat-tastrophe!
And you, are ri-donkey-lous!
[Beat. Then both laugh]
Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire breathing dragon, and you have little mutant donkey-dragon babies?
You saw what happened, she's gonna think I'm crazy.
Donkey [Not listening] I'm a daddy?
You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once– [He blows into a frog's mouth, inflating it like a balloon] –then I can do it again.
Shrek [Enters Fiona's tent] Hello? Fiona?
[Green eyes are shown in the shadows of a cat condo]
You should not be here.....señor.
Puss? [Puss struggles to get out of his resting place, revealing himself as now overweight with a pink bow on wrapped around the back of his neck.] You've gotta be kiddin' me.
[He lowers down on the scratching post, the lands on his back on a pillow. He then struggles to get up, followed by facing Shrek.]
Feed me, if you dare.
Puss, what happened to you?! You got so fa– [Puss gives him a look] Fa-ancy!
Well, where's your hat? Where's your belt? [He gasps softly] Your wee little boots?
Boots, for a cat? Ha! [He laughs]
But you're Puss in Boots.
Maybe once, [He opens a bottle of milk] but that is a name I have outgrown.
[under his breath]
That's not the only thing you've outgrown.
Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life! I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase. [A mouse runs up to his bowl and starts drinking out of it] Eh, I'll get him later. [He starts drinking out of the bowl himself]
Oh, Puss, what have I done to you? You've gone soft.
Well, I do get brushed twice a day.
You witches are making a big mistake! I know my rights!
PW Pumpkin Witch
You have the right to shut your mouth! [She drops a pumpkin which explodes with smoke in Shrek's face]
So... you're not gonna eat me?
No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
Stop! Where are you going?
How, by getting yourself killed?
So that's how you knew so much about me!
Fiona, wait! [jumping in front of her] Kiss me!
It's the only way to save your friends!
Get out of my way! [walks past him]
You used to believe that a single kiss could solve everything!
[Fiona turns around and reluctantly kisses him. However, when they're done kissing, nothing happens, to Shrek's confusion. Fiona, indifferent, wipes at her mouth]
I don't understand. [frustrated] This doesn't make any sense! True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
[sarcastically]
Yeah, well, you know what? That's what they told me too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did! I saved myself! Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale!
[pleading]
Fiona, don't say that! It does exist!
And how would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? [voice cracking] Did you live all alone in a miserable tower?! Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting for a true love that never came?!
But... but I'm your true love.
Then where were you when I needed you?
[Shrek, stunned and full of guilt, can't bring himself to answer. Fiona turns around and leaves]
Maybe you kissed her... wrong?
No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.
It seems that we are safe.
Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.
Oh, what's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.
Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end. You'll see. Well, I'll bet by this time tomorrow–
Hey, don't you understand? There is no tomorrow, there's no day after that, and there's no day after that day after that! My life was perfect and I'm never gonna get it back!
Well, if your life was so perfect, then why did you sign it all the way to Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?
Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone! Alright? [He sighs, deeply remorseful now] I didn't know what I had.
That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
[sullenly]
No. You were right. I wasn't there for you. And not just at the dragon's keep, but...everyday since.
[smiles softly]
Well, you're here now.
[about ogres using their noses as a horn]
I didn't know we could do that.
[During the main event–]
♪ Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.All you've got to do is call. [Rumpelstiltskin and the witches hear and spot him on top of the new hanging chandelier ball] ♪ And I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah– ♪
And Puss– [Puss descends down the chandelier ball's rope, now wearing his boots, belt, hat and cape.]
[Last lines]
You know, I always thought I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
[smiles slightly, confused]
You did.
No. It was you that rescued me.
[Fiona beams, before the two share a kiss]
