Crank: High Voltage (2009) quotes, page 2

View Quote Orlando: Don't leave no skid marks, ****. Work that ass, baby. Ride that shit, big sexy! Put your arm up, son. Eight seconds, ****! Yeah. Oh, my God. [Answers phone] Hello.
Venus: Orlando?
Orlando: Venus! What is up, my man? Where you been, man? I ain't seen your ass since We was all of us broken up about what happened to your brother. You okay?
Venus: Orlando, I need your help.
Orlando: Venus, come on. You my ****. Can't get no bigger. L.A. Underground, we're like a family, man. We a freak-ass family, but we family, all right? We look out for our own. What?
Venus: I'm looking for a man called The Ferret. El Huron.
Orlando: Shit. Ferret?!
Police officer: [Pointing guns at Eve] Freeze! Hey! Now, spread it. All right, let's go. Against the car.

View Quote Psychiatrist: It's completely normal to be freaked out when someone has a gun at your head. I would've shit myself.
Ankleson: I still have nightmares.
Psychiatrist: Everybody has nightmares. The point is by coming here and talking with me you made a choice to confront your issues and lick 'em.
Ankleson: I can't even leave my **** apartment. I cl... Every time I go up to... leave the door, I-I see the guy with the gun.
[Flashback to previous film of Chev holding gun to hospital orderly's head in the hall for epinephrine]
Psychiatrist: Think about it like this, Ankleson. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You gotta go out and enjoy it. Knock back a couple of beers, hit a titty bar.
Ankleson: Excuse me?!
Psychiatrist: Have some smelly snatch rubbed in your face. You gotta get out there, man.
Ankleson: Yeah, I've gotta do it.
Psychiatrist: Tackle a **** whore, get your dick wet. Dip your wick into life a little bit. Have some fun.
Ankleson: Yeah. I'm gonna go out there and floss my teeth with some pubes.
Psychiatrist: Oh, now you're on it.
Ankleson: I'm done with fear. My life begins today. [A stray bullet finds the doctor's head and kills him instantly while the psychiatrist vomits into the camera]
...
[Chev catches Johnny and they're fighting]
Municipal hydro employee: Maybe we better call nine-one-one.
Chev Chelios: Where's my box?!
Johnny: No! No!
Chev Chelios: [After pounding Johnny's face] Five more like that... and your brains will be strawberry jelly.
Johnny: You can't look in that box!
Chev Chelios: The key and the ****in' combo.
Johnny: No!
Chev Chelios: Do it. [Johnny enters combination] That's better. [Chev looks in] This isn't my ****in' pumper! What the... What is that? What kind of sick freak carries something like this around in a box? I am shocked to my **** core. You've got some deep problems, mother****er. What the **** is that? That one I sort of know and it's ****in' got to come back and ****in' r-run it... What the **** is this?! What the **** is tha... [Drops cooler box on ground and calls Doc] Hello. Doc.
Doc Miles: Chevy. When you hung up on me, I was trying to ****in' tell you something. Your heart was transplanted three weeks ago into that Shaolin mother****er.
Chev Chelios: **** great. Now what?
Doc Miles: I'm on it. Poon Dong is still in L.A. And if I'm right he's got what you need in pristine working condition beating inside his chest.
Chev Chelios: Good. Where do I find him?
Doc Miles: Don't worry about it. I got people on the street.
Chev Chelios: Good luck with that, Doc. I'll try it my way. Come here, you. Up you get. Okay, darling. One last dance. [Points in Johnny's face] Where's the ****in' old man? [A bullet goes through Johnny's head and Chev looks at finger with amazement and turns around to see Chico and his cohorts and a thug clubs Chev's head]
Chico: [To a cohort] What old man?

View Quote Randy: Lemon. Hey, hey, hey!
Eve: Randy?!
Randy: Hi.
Eve: What are you doing here?
Randy: It's about the dude.
Eve: What dude?
Randy: The asshole.
Eve: What about him?
Randy: He's on every channel. The guy's a **** psycho killer, baby. Every cop in this city's looking for him, not to mention the **** beaners. [Whispers] The **** Orientals.
Eve: So?!
Randy: So?! So?! So the heat's on the street... and that dude's playing for keeps, baby.
Eve: I have no idea what the hell you just said.
Randy: Look. Lemon. Lemon, look.
Eve: What?!
Randy: I know we've all been down our dark roads in the past, okay, babe?
[Randy has flashback to an ex-girlfriend, a loud mouthed obese black woman]
Ex-girlfriend: I need my hair did, my nails did. You ain't gave me no money. Where you been at, Randy? If I ever catch you with another bitch... Well, you do got a big-ass dick for a white boy.
Randy: Anyway, look, the point is, you're my lady now, all right? I don't think it's safe for you to be out there with that, that sick ****o running wild right now.
Eve: You can say that again.
Randy: Look, look. Listen to me. Here's what I think we should do.
Eve: What, Randy?!
Randy: All right, I say we go to the fuzz. We tell them everything. We come clean.
Eve: What?!
Randy: The fuzz, all right? I mean, I'd kill this guy myself, but I got two strikes against me.
Eve: Let go of me!
Randy: Look, baby. All right? I'm trying to be cool to you, but I will drop the hammer. You want me to drop the hammer, baby? [Eve knees him in crotch and throws him onto a car windshield]
Eve: I'm in no mood today, Randy!
Randy: Lemon!

View Quote Various voiceovers: **** you Chelios! Hey **** you Chelios! **** you Chelios! **** **** your balls Chelios! Yo Chelios, **** you! **** off Chelios! **** off Cheli-****-os!

View Quote Venus: Hey. You okay? Wake up. Wake up. Ria, baby. What happened to you? What are you doing out here? What you out here for? I'm looking for the man that killed my brother. Yeah. I have to go. I might not come back. Give the girls kisses and hugs from me.
Ria: I kiss and hug all the pussy. You go kill ****.

View Quote Venus: You're Chev Chelios, right? The sickest, most wicked-ist mother****er that ever vaporized mother****ers in cold-blood, right?
Chev Chelios: Yeah, that's me.

View Quote [Chev has arrived at a strip club and Eve comes out dancing]
Chev Chelios: Eve? Eve. Here, baby. Eve! [Takes her hand]
Eve: Chev.
Randy: Hey. I need you to take your ****in' hands off Lemon now, man.
Chev Chelios: Who the **** are you?
Randy: Who the **** am I? Who the **** are you? Do you know this guy, Lemon?
Chev Chelios: Lemon?
Eve: You were dead. Uh... I'm...uh, I'm so confused right now. What's that ticking sound?
Randy: Yeah, what is that sound? You're kinda weird, tick-man. It's time for you to go!
Chev Chelios: Randy? Randy? Come here.
Eve: [Ria attacks her out of jealousy] ****!
Chev Chelios: Not you. Babe, it's not--
Eve: Who the **** is that?
Chev Chelios: Ah, some whore. ****, no. That was a mistake. Oh, ****. Look she's helpin' me find my heart.
Eve: Yeah. What?!
Chev Chelios: Go away! Come on, let's go. What? Oh, you dozy ****.
Chico: [To posse] No. We need his ass alive. [To Chev] Chev Chelios. Let's save some bullets, dude.
Chev Chelios: I'm up for that, when we've all had a drink.
Eve: Should I duck?
Chev Chelios: Yeah. [A gun battle ensues]
...
Chev Chelios: Shall I bypass the formalities?
Thug: Of course.
Chev Chelios: Who do you work for and what the **** do they want with me?
Thug: EI Huron.
Chev Chelios: English! What's a ****in' ee-el-who-done?
Thug: It's a ferret. He wants you alive... so he can watch you die.
Chev Chelios: Oh, yeah? Why?
Thug: I don't know. Doesn't everybody?
Chev Chelios: Shut up. Ooh, you lucky bastard.

View Quote [Chico is hostaging and interrogating Johnny Vang in a strip club]
Chico: Mother****er!
Woman: Baby.
Chico: [Starts chopping a chair with a machete] Mother**** Chelios!
Johnny Vang: [In Chinese] Suck me beaner. Chelios is Triad property.
Chico: You like sushi, Chinese man?
Johnny Vang: [Laughs maniacally] That's Japanese, El Torito. Chinese don't eat that shit!
Chico: How the **** am I supposed to know what kind of "-ese" you is you slanty-eyed ****?! Check it out, sushi! [Chico's cohorts hold down Johnny's cohort rolling up sleeve]
Johnny Vang: [In Chinese] This is new and exciting.
Chico: [Chico slices off the tip of an elbow of Johnny's cohort]
Johnny Vang: [In Chinese] We can make a deal. [In English] Hey Chico, we can make a deal huh? [Laughs sheepishly]

View Quote [Eve is being interrogated by police]
Detective: Some boyfriend you got there, Ms. Lydon. He lied to you for six months regarding his work? Which I guess wouldn't be such a big deal if he wasn't a hired killer. He made you a target for the South American mob... for kidnapping, torture, or worse. He sexually humiliated you in front of what... I don't know, half of Los Angeles? Twice. Twice. And then left you there to take the rap? And now you can add an arrest and a police record... to a list of wonderful things Mr. Chelios has brought to your life. Help me out here, sweetheart, okay? Because Because I'm a little bit confused. Why the **** do you continue to protect this asshole?
Eve: That's a dicky question. Besides, I don't know who you're talking about. I mean, I'd like to see you fall out of a helicopter and live.
Detective: What? [Colleague whispers to detective, then to Eve] It looks like you made bail.
Eve: Great. Can I have my stuff back? Yeah.
Detective: Yeah. Just a Just one little piece of advice. Wake the **** up and smell what's burning. [Eve leans forward and sniffs]

View Quote [Poon Dong is driven around with him all dressed up and trying to get women's attentions]
Poon Dong: Hey. Hey. I got 5 dollars that says you blow me for 20 bucks. Oh, stop. Stop right here. Stop right here. Hey, baby. Hey. Hey, baby. How you doing? I'm doing okay, baby. Yeah? How you doing? What you need? You know what I need. Come on. Come on, Daddy.

View Quote [The Luke Cunard talk show begins]
Luke Cunard: [Referring to Chev, to Karen] Tell me what he's like when he's at home.
Karen Chelios: When he's home, he's like a ghost. He plays those video games; all day, all night.
Luke Cunard: Video games.
Karen Chelios: All day.
Luke Cunard: And you let him do that? Well, you did buy the games for him, yeah?
Karen Chelios: Of course. Why should I deny my son?
Luke Cunard: How are you today, Chev?
Young Chev: I'm golden, sir.
Luke Cunard: Your mom tells me that you've been getting into quite a bit of trouble. Is that true?
Young Chev: Yes, sir. Regretfully, that's true.
Luke Cunard: What kind of trouble?
Young Chev: Fighting, talking back, pinching.
Luke Cunard: Pinching what?
Young Chev: Televisions, stereo components, books from the library. That's not all. No, sir. Also a till from a restaurant and one car.
Luke Cunard: A toy car?
Young Chev: No, sir. A BMW Z1. [Studio audience goes into uproar and Chev displays the the finger']
Luke Cunard: Hey, sit. People, people, all right. I hear you've been having quite a bit of trouble at school too.
[Scene of Chev smashing a trashcan into a boy's face in the schoolyard and a teacher rushes forward to thwart him]
Teacher: Chelios! [The teacher is elbowed in the face and he resumes the face smashing and then screams in primal rage]
...
Young Chev: Nothing I can't handle, sir. I have a lot of piss and vinegar!
Karen: He's hyperactive.
Young Chev: Oh, shit, Mom!
Luke Cunard: You want to watch your dirty little mouth, son.
Karen: We tried giving him Ritalin, but Chev?
Young Chev: I sold it.
Luke Cunard: With all this energy, you've never thought about... I don't know, trying out for sports?
Young Chev: [Scene of Chelios running down street with cash till in hand with shop owner and punks in pursuit] I like to run.
Luke Cunard: Chev, where's dad?
Young Chev: I never met the wanker. [Mother hits him lightly in the chest] He died before I was born.
Luke Cunard: What do you think he'd say, if he saw you acting out like this?
Young Chev: Dunno, sir.
Luke Cunard: If he were here now, and he asked you [Pounds a table] "WHY THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO SON?!", what would you tell him?!
Young Chev: Dunno, sir! Bored, I guess.
Luke Cunard: "Bored", he guesses!
Karen: Bored?! Bored?!
Young Chev: Shut up!
Luke Cunard: We're gonna take a short break now. And when we return, we are gonna find out... [Gets up and starts wagging index finger in Chelios face] what makes you tick, little man.

View Quote [Walks up to a pack of Cholo thugs]
Chev Chelios: Hey, Menudo, where's the ****in' Social Club? [They are silent] Uh, dondé esta La Social Club? [One points to house]
Cholo: Buénos nachos, white boy.
...
[Chev walks up to house and Ria is thrown out front door and a topless obese man comes out]
Chev: [To obese man] You Johnny Vang? [Obese man shakes head and Chev slaps him, knocking him out and Chev walks into house, wreaking mayhem, throwing people out windows and prostitutes run out with Johnny Vang running into a vehicle]
Johnny: Go!
Ria: [She climbs up to obese man] No sucky ****y for your asshole! [Grabs broken bicycle] **** suck face! **** whore! Shrimp dick! BB balls! [Rams bicycle repeatedly on man's crotch] Chicken fat! [Two Triad thugs pull up] What you two ****s looking at?!
Cypress Triad Hood #1: Get lost bitch.
Ria: **** you! [To Triad, about Chev] This dude my Kevin Costner! He going to beat you off!
Cypress Triad Hood #1: What?!
Chev: Where's Johnny Vang?
Cypress Triad Hood #1: You looking to get your ass killed dog?!
Ria: You ask for it, he's gonna tap your ass!
Chev: Wrong expression.
Cypress Triad Hood #1: You ain't tappin' my ass! [Points gun]
[Chev parries the gun out of the hood and beats both hoods with them running to their vehicle] There you go, cupcake. [Ria jumps on Chev's back trying to kiss him and Chev pushes her off] **** no balling for me today, thanks. There goes my ride!
Chev: What's that, **** ****-onese?! I'd rather stick my dick in a blender!
Ria: [Humping him] Sticky me. Hey! I know where Johnny Vang go!
Chev: Johnny Vang?
Ria: Yes.
Chev: Where? [She points down street]
Ria: Hey, dude, why do you run?! Wait for me!
Chev: [He attempts to carjack a station wagon] Get out of the **** car! Out!
Station wagon driver: Get your own station wagon, asshole! Get the **** off! Damn!
Chev: ****!
Ria: You taking it too fast with me!
Chev: Which way?!
Ria: I want you to take it slow.
Chev: Which way?
Ria: Hey! Hey! You didn't ask name!
Chev: Shut up a minute, for ****'s sake! Where is he?! Johnny Vang?!
Ria: Yes. [Points]

View Quote Chev, I'm a certified heart surgeon. Well, I was. Lost my license after I **** up my ex-wife's vaginal rejuvenation procedure in our basement. That's irrelevant right now. The point is, if you get hold of your heart, I'm reasonably sure I can put it back in for you.

View Quote He treated me like his hot little whore.

View Quote I can bet on my grandma's coochie, he's at the horse track!