Pepper quotes from Crank: High Voltage (2009)

View Quote I can bet on my grandma's coochie, he's at the horse track!

View Quote Eve: Why didn't you call me?
Chev Chelios: Like **** I didn't. Didn't you get my message? [Scene of answering machine playing distorted blowing wind as Chev was free falling from helicopter]
Eve: No! Where have you been for the last three months? I thought you were dead.
Chev Chelios: I fell a mile out of a helicopter. It's a long story.
Eve: No way! You know what? That's totally possible. I saw this video on YouTube where this guy's parachute doesn't open and he falls like fourteen thousand feet and he lives.
Chev Chelios: Yes baby, I know it's possible because I ****in' did it!
Eve: [Refusing Pepper's lesbian advances] Quit it.
Chev Chelios: Since when were you on the Internet?
Eve: You know, a lot of things have changed since you died.
Chev Chelios: I didn't ****in' die.
Eve: Well, that's besides the point, isn't it? [To Pepper] Get off!
Pepper: Ooh!
Eve: Where are we going, Chev?
Chev Chelios: I don't know. I need to find that slant from the club, the one with the red cooler.
Pepper: Are you talking about Johnny Vang?
Chev Chelios: Do you know Johnny Vang?
Pepper: I know his ass. He's got that box with him all the time.
Chev Chelios: That box. I need it.
Pepper: I can bet on my grandma's coochie he's at the horse track.
Eve: Dude, you gonna put Johnny Vang on ice?
Pepper: Maybe.
Eve: That's so ****in' sexy.
Pepper: ****in' dead.
Eve: [To Pepper] Didn't they cuff you?
Pepper: Damn it. Do me. I'll do you.
Eve: Bitch.

View Quote Chev Chelios: I got to get a hold... I've got to call Doc. I need a cell phone.
Pepper: Why didn't you just say it? I have a cell phone. Here.
Chev Chelios: You got a cell phone. I got you. Okay?
Doc Miles: You've got to work for the things that... Chevy?
Chev Chelios: I lost the belt battery, Doc.
Doc Miles: How long ago?
Chev Chelios: Over an hour
Doc Miles: Jesus Christ, that's not ****in' possible, Chevy. You should be dea... ****, never mind. Look... it's a wireless system, so any kind of low-level electrical shock to your skin should juice it. At least temporarily. Hey, Chev I'm a certified heart surgeon. Well, I... I was. I lost my license after I **** up my ex-wife's vaginal rejuvenation procedure in our basement. That's irrelevant right now. The point is if you can get hold of your heart, I'm reasonably sure I can put it back in for you.
Chev Chelios: Okay, Doc. I'll be in touch when I find that Chinese **** that's got me pump. That you even had to choose between Phyllis and me. Chinese?
Doc Miles: Sharon, I just shut down, okay? I couldn't think. I couldn't feel. Hey, Chocolate would you get off your fat ass and get dressed?
Chocolate: Why?
Doc Miles: Do you have any idea... how silly Is Doc Miles gonna have to choke a bitch? Do you know that I was waiting for those results, too? I needed to put things in perspective.
Chev Chelios: Oh, you needed? I see, you needed. I think I know who we're dealing with. That's how you do things now.
[Chev pulls up to a riot of pornstars picketing on strike]
Pornstar chant: "Hell, no, we won't blow!"
Chev Chelios: For ****'s sake move! Jesus. Shit! What the ****! Shit!
Pornstars: That's right! You're gonna pay me by the inch, bitch! You make a living! We want to make a living! You carry a weapon! We carry weapons... in our pants. Sick and tired of this! Pay me my ****in' wages, mother ****ers! Droppin' loads on all of your silly wages! They need their money. What, do you want me to **** this car? What, do you want me to **** this car? [Pornstar actress is on windshield] Suck my ****in' tits!
Chev Chelios: Get off the car!
Pornstar: I'm gonna bang that bitch in the back!
Eve: Hi.
Pornstars: We're just sick and tired of this! Just because it's porn doesn't mean we all want to do it! We like to get paid for it!
[Police cruisers pull up]
Police officer: This is a weird scene. We've got pissed-off beaver everywhere. [Chev takes off] We're on pursuit.
[Chev jumps on a staircase railing to slide down in spirit of local skateboarders but slips, falling on crotch]
Camcorder guy: Whoa! "Oh!"
Chev Chelios: ****!
...
[Two men are using a shock collar to train a dog in the park]
Dog guy 1: Sit! Good... I'm just makin' sure. Whatever. Dude, he's totally doing what he's supposed to.
Dog guy 2: Well, he's got to know who's in charge.
Dog guy 1: Dude! Come on!
Dog guy 2: He's gonna eat somebody's baby and you're gonna be in... No, dude, chill. Uh, you're gonna get sued.
Dog guy 1: He's totally doing what he's supposed. to be doing. Come on.
Dog guy 2: Whatever. I wanted a cat.
Dog guy 1: ****!
Dog guy 2: See? Way better than a cat, man.
Dog guy 1: Whatever.
Chev Chelios: [Walks up to the them] Who's this ****in' asshole? You pair of sausage-Nigels. How do you sleep at night?
Dog guy 1: Who is this guy?
Chev Chelios: I'm from PETA. This is animal cruelty, you ****ers. Hello, there.
Dog guy 1: Hey, give that back, you liberal freak.
Chev Chelios: Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah.
Dog guy 1: Um... Dude.
Chev Chelios: ****in' shame on you two.
Dog guy 1: That's two hundred and fifty dollars. I tell you.
Chev Chelios: You pair of ****s. Press the **** button.
Dog guy 1: Well, take it back. Hit him.
Chev Chelios: [Dog guy 2 presses shock button] Not so bad.
Dog guy 1: Disgusting.
Chev Chelios: Morning. Mom would be so proud. Sorry about that. Give me that thing.
Dog guy 1: No.
Dog guy 1: Yeah, there you go. Go on.
Chev Chelios: Ruff, ruff, ruff ruff, ruff ruff! If you don't press that ****in' button, you're goin' in the pond.
Dog guy 2: I'm pressing it. Press it!
Chev Chelios: Come on, what's the matter? ****in' wake up! [Slaps Dog guy 1] Make him press the button you...
Dog guy 1: Give him the ****in'...
Chev Chelios: What are you, ****in' useless?!
Dog guy 2: Hey! No problem.
Police officer: Stop right there! Stop!
Chev Chelios: Oh, shit. [Gives chases]
Dog guy 2: Oh. See, that's what I told you.
Police officer: [Dog attacks officer biting at crotch] My ****in' nuts! Get him off!
Dog guy 2: It's all right! Will our insurance cover that?!
Police officer: Stop it! Freeze! Get down! Get down! Turn around! Get down! What the **** is that around your neck?! Get down on the ground! Show me your...
[Venus pulls up on a moped]
Chev Chelios: Are you ****in' kidding me?! Kaylo?!
Venus: Get on!
Police officer: Both of you down on the ground now!
Venus: Get down! Get down!
Police officer: Get off that ****in' moped!
Chev Chelios: Kaylo, I thought you were dead.
Venus: My name's Venus. I'm from Hollywood. Kaylo was my brother.
Chev Chelios: Brother? No shit. Hey, what the **** did you hit me for, anyway?
Venus: I have a condition. FBT, Full Body Tourette's. I can't control myself.
Chev Chelios: Jesus! ****! What the ****? Hey, listen, I'm sorry about your brother, but I need to get to the Hollywood Park racetrack. And I mean right the **** now. What's the matter, are you hurlin' or something?
Venus: Is that where they're at?
Chev Chelios: Who?
Venus: The ill suckers that killed my brother. You're Chev "The Cheese" Chelios, right? The sickest, most wickedest mother****er that ever vaporized a mother****er in cold blood, right?
Chev Chelios: Yeah. That's me.
Venus: Yeah. So we're gonna get those suckers...
Chev Chelios: Get a grip on yourself. It's already done.
Venus: Huh?
Chev Chelios: It's done. I already took care of the ones that did Kaylo.
Venus: But... All of them?
Chev Chelios: All of them. D-E-A-D. Brown bread.
Venus: Right Said Fred?
Chev Chelios: Simply Red.
Venus: I see.
Chev Chelios: Well, don't look so gloomy, Elvis. I can assure you they did not die pleasantly.
Venus: No... you don't understand. It's a matter of honor. It should have been me to avenge my brother's death. Well... so long, Chelios.
Chev Chelios: My brain hurts. There is one I never got to on account of I could never find him. The one that calls himself "The Ferret."
Venus: El Huron?
Chev Chelios: You know him?
Venus: No. It means "The Ferret" in Spanish.
Chev Chelios: Right. Yeah, I knew that. Listen, you want to find the dude that made your brother dead, you find him.