Most scenes together: Gomez & Morticia (16), Morticia & Debbie Jellinsky (9), Gomez & Uncle Fester (9)
"Dear Wednesday and Pugsley. I love you dearly, but I can never see you again."
"When you are grown up and very lonely, you will understand. Love, Uncle Fester." He's a dead man.
But aren't they extinct?
They are now.
Death! Death to the enemies of the people of the Republic. [Pugsley releases the guillotine and chops a watermelon in half] Hurrah! Justice is served. Bring forward the evil one. [Pugsley brings over Pubert, who is in a white dress and bonnet] You have betrayed the people of France. You are evil incarnate. How do you plead?
Guilty! By her own admission! The sentence is death. Executioner, place her on the block. [Pugsley lays Pubert down in the guillotine] 1... 2...
Playing! [solo] ...3! [She releases the guillotine. Pubert catches the blade in his fingers] Woe to the Republic.
Do you believe in the existence of evil?
Well, did you met my mom?
My uncle Fester's about to get married to this woman in a white uniform.
A radiologist.
A nanny.
Hurry up!
I'm coming.
Wait!
Who's there?
Be careful. Tetanus.
There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Children, what do you think you're doing?
We have to see our family. It's very important.
More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Yes.
I think they should be punished. [starts chanting] Punish!
No! No! We are not here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Campers? Do you know what I think our little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
What?
Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.
I don't want to be in the pageant.
Don't you want to help me realize my vision?
Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, and the Aristotelian unities.
Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.
I'm not perky.
That's for damn sure.
Pugsley, the baby weighs 10 pounds, the cannonball weighs 20 pounds. Which will hit the stone walkway first?
I'm still on fractions.
Which do you think?
The cannonball?
Very good. But which one will bounce?
The baby?
There's only one way to find out. Ready? 1... 2... 3...
Cara mia!
Oh, dear.
What are you in for?
I wouldn't go horseback riding.
That's all?
And I wouldn't make a bird house.
Why not?
I just wanted to read.
And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Our parents are having a baby, too.
They had sex.
Fester?
Uh-huh?
We may be together for a while.
All our lives, cara mia!
What?
Mon cher.
Speak English!
Pumpkin?
And if I have to be seen with you, we need to make some changes.
Changes?
That poor girl. Lurch, was she in there before you baked? [as Lurch hangs his head] C'est la vie!
It's not binding.
Tramp.
It looks familiar... Of course! The gates of hell.
I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides. [showing slide pictures] My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or were they? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday. [the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift] I was 10, and do you know what they got me? Malibu Barbie.
Malibu Barbie.
The nightmare.
The nerve.
That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. I was a ballerina, graceful, delicate! They had to go.
[The next slide shot shows a burning house]
