Trey Parker movie quotes

View Quote Gary: [irritated and barking] I said get away from me!! I'm completely lost! I've hit rock bottom!
Woman at Window: Get out of the street, you **** bum! [Gary stumbles against some trash near a bin] You gave up on life, didn't ya?!

View Quote Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: [blank and insincere] I Promise, I Will Never Die.

View Quote Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. has gathered, it would be 9/11 times a hundred.
Gary: Nine-eleven times a hundred... Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes. Ninety-one thousand one hundred.
Joe: Basically all the worst parts of the Bible.

View Quote Shit! I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street!

View Quote Cairo... That's in Egypt.

View Quote Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. has gathered, it would be 9/11 times a hundred.
Gary: Nine-eleven times a hundred... Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes. Ninety-one thousand one hundred.
Joe: Basically all the worst parts of the Bible.

View Quote You are worthress Arec Barrin! [shoots Alec Baldwin]

View Quote Kim Jong Il: And now you see: thenew world is inevetabre!
Lisa: It's what?
Kim Jong Il: Inev- inevitabre
Lisa: One more time...
Kim Jong Il: Inevitabre! Things are inevatbry going to change! God dammit, open your ****in' ears!

View Quote Kim Jong Il: I'm afraid your world is over! [presses the button to set of the WMD's] in five minutes! [Countdown timer appears] Yes! [breaking the fourth wall triumphantly] The ticking crock!!

View Quote Sean Penn: Qapla!
All assembled actors: Qapla!
Tim Robbins: [touting a machinegun] I swear they won't reach the stage!

View Quote [Tim Robbins kicks Gary down and Martin Sheen strikes Chris with a adjustable wrench]
Tim Robbins: Actors Out!!
[Actors drop from above one by one stating their name]
Helen Hunt: Helen Hunt!
Samuel L. Jackson: Samuel Jackson!
Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
Samuel L. Jackson: [Kicks Gary while he's still down] Mother****er!

View Quote Martin Sheen and Tim Robbins are playing chess]
Joe: Please, mister Sheen, mister Robbins: you don't understand what Kim Jong Il is doing.
Martin Sheen: Shuddup! We have explicit instructions to watch you.
Tim Robbins: Yeah, we're supposed to be guarrrds!
Martin Sheen: We're guarrds.
Tim Robbins: We're guarrrds, huh? We're guarrrrds!
Martin Sheen: We're guarrrrds!

View Quote Matt Damon!

View Quote [The terrorists have bombed the Panama Canal]
Sarah: But... how can that be? Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo.
Spottswoode: It appears now that I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. was wrong about the Chechnyans being in charge. [turns towards the machine] That was bad, I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Very bad intelligence.
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: I'm sorry.

Spottswoode: Team, if the Derka-derkistanis have weapons of mass destruction, I'm afraid it could be nine-eleven... times a thousand.
Sarah: Jesus, you mean...?
Spottswoode: Yes. Nine hundred and eleven thousand.
Chris: Well, then forget all these assholes! We have work to do!
Spottswoode: Yes! Let's get Gary valmorphanized so we can use his acting!

Spottswoode: Remember, there is no "I" in "Team America".
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: [pause] Yes there is.

Unused dialogue: Spottswoode: Team, this is all my fault. I screwed up with Cairo. [pause] I let racism cloud my judgment. [pause] I was so sure the world's ultimate terrorist must be Middle Eastern that... I never suspected he was a God damn gook. I'll never be racist again.
[Gary walks in with packed bags, drops them on the floor]
Spottswoode: Where are you going, Gary??
Gary: Don't you get it? Everyone hates us!!
Spottswoode: Now, now... Everyone hated Winnie the Pooh, too.
Gary: [pause] No they didn't!
Spottswoode: Well, I did. That cocksucking bear killed Jack Kennedy!

Spottswoode: Je - sus - Tit - ty - **** - ing! .....CHRIIIIIIST!!!

Sarah: We've lost I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E! I repeat, we have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E,!

[Sarah's plane is crashing]
Sarah: I sense I'm going down.

[Kim Jong Il brings up the Middle Eastern terrorists on a large viewscreen]
Kim Jong Il: Okay: who brew up Panama Canal?
Terrorist: We were angry about Cairo.
Kim Jong Il: Goddammit, how many times I have to tew you? You don't use the WMDs until you see the signal! I have worked ten years on this pran! It is a very pwecise, and a compricated pran! I am sick of you terrorists **** it up!! Now take the weapons where I told you and wait for the goddamn signal this time! Goodbye!! [flicks the screen off] Why is everyone so **** stupid? Why aren't more peopre interrigent, rike me?:
[Song: Ronery]

[Gary is drinking his depression away]
Gary Johnston: I'm a dick!
Drunk guy: Well, being a dick ain't so bad. See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just wanna **** all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because... pussies get **** by dicks. But dicks also-****-assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't **** the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit! [Gary pukes]
Alec Baldwin: What the world needs is an international advisory committee who truly understands global politics. Namely, us.
Janeane Garofalo: As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion.
Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
[Chris is experiencing some electro-torture at the hands of a Korean guard]
Chris: [gazes upon his torturer] I'm gonna **** kill you!
Kim Jong Il: You're not in a position to kill anyone, my red-write-and brue-friend.
Lisa: So you're the bastard planning nine-eleven times a thousand.
Kim Jong Il: Nooo, you think so small. You see, I'm about to have an eraborate peace ceremony. And while all the world's most important people are distracted here, I will detonate the WMDs, which I have given to terrrice... awr around the grobe. [looks down on Sarah] It will be nine-eleven times... two thousand three hundred and fifty six!
Chris: My God... That's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!!
Kim Jong il: You are da rast of a dying breed...the fwag-waving American. Well, your wittle dweam will soon be over.

View Quote [Tim Robbins kicks Gary down and Martin Sheen strikes Chris with a adjustable wrench]
Tim Robbins: Actors Out!!
[Actors drop from above one by one stating their name]
Helen Hunt: Helen Hunt!
Samuel L. Jackson: Samuel Jackson!
Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
Samuel L. Jackson: [Kicks Gary while he's still down] Mother****er!

View Quote [repeated line] I've been a bad boy!

View Quote Well, now that I've got the diamond, it's payback time. Oh, it's too bad Gru won't be around to try and stop me. Oh, wait! No, it's not! I hate that tweeb! And you, Hollywood! This time, I'm canceling you! And all the losers who rejected me! Ha ha ha...!

View Quote Gum one, gum all!

View Quote I'm free! Yes, I'm free! Freedom! I've been trapped in that book forever. And I'm... [Henry touches his head] ... I'm forever in your debt. And I just wanna... [Henry keeps squishing] How'd you do there, mister?

View Quote (from trailer) Stop manhandling me, you big weirdo!

View Quote By the way, I'm Gary Orkam Oliver Magma Ichabod the Deceiver, but my friends just call me Goomi for short.

View Quote Ben! Use your hamster style!

View Quote Ben: Jesus!
Joe: Where?!

View Quote Ben: Hey, can you walk around with that thing on?
Joe: I think so, why?
Ben: Wanna go have some fun?

View Quote [at South Park Elementary, the class sings "Uncle ****a". Then Mr. Garrison enters and the class stops singing.]
Mr. Garrison: [as Mr. Hat] Okay, children, let's take our seats. We have a lot to learn today. [normal voice] We sure do, Mr. Hat. Okay, children, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. [Clyde raises his hand] Yes, Clyde?
Clyde: Twelve.
Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete ****. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.
Kyle: I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison. [Cartman mocks Kyle in a high-pitched, gibberish voice] SHUT UP, FAT BOY!
Cartman: AY! DON'T CALL ME FAT, YA ****IN' JEW!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "****". You can't say "****" in school, you ****in’ fat ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the **** not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "****" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: [muffled] ****.
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. ****, ****ity-****-****-****.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
[everyone gasps in shock]
Mr. Garrison: [outraged] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!
Cartman: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was: [picks up a megaphone and clears throat] "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"
[Garrison stands rooted to the spot, furiously speechless]
Stan: Holy shit, dude.

View Quote Shelly: All right, you turds, listen up! Your moms are away at a meeting, so they put me in charge of you. But you're still grounded, so you're not allowed to have any fun. Any questions?
Stan: Shelly, where's the clitoris?
[Shelly picks up a chair and hits Stan over the head with it, outraged about what he just said]
Shelly: Now you all just sit there and keep your mouths shut while I go listen to my Britney Spears records. [opens & closes the door]

View Quote Stan: We're "La Resistance". We wanna save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.
The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded to my room for the next three days.
Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.
Stan: Why are you grounded?
The Mole: Why? Because God hates me. He has made my life miserable, so I call him a cocksucking asshole, then I get grounded.