Stan quotes from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Okay, children, let's take our seats. We have a lot to learn today. [normal voice] We sure do, Mr. Hat. Okay, children, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. [Clyde raises his hand] Yes, Clyde?

Twelve.

Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete ****. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.

Kyle

I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison. [Cartman mocks Kyle in a high-pitched, gibberish voice] SHUT UP, FAT BOY!

AY! DON'T CALL ME FAT, YA ****IN' JEW!

Eric, did you just say the F-word?

Jew?

Kyle

No, he's talking about "****". You can't say "****" in school, you ****in’ fat ass!

Kyle!

Why the **** not?

Eric!

Stan

Dude, you just said "****" again!

Stanley!

Kenny

****.

Kenny!

What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. ****, ****ity-****-****-****.

How would you like to go see the school counselor?

How would you like to suck my balls?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!

Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was: [picks up a megaphone and clears throat] "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"

Stan

Holy shit, dude.

All right, you turds, listen up! Your moms are away at a meeting, so they put me in charge of you. But you're still grounded, so you're not allowed to have any fun. Any questions?

Stan

Shelly, where's the clitoris?

Now you all just sit there and keep your mouths shut while I go listen to my Britney Spears records. [opens & closes the door]

Stan

We're "La Resistance". We wanna save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.

I can't help you. I'm grounded to my room for the next three days.

Kyle

So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.

Stan

Why are you grounded?

Why? Because God hates me. He has made my life miserable, so I call him a cocksucking asshole, then I get grounded.