Eric, what is it?
I saw him, I saw Kenny!
Oh, you poor dear. You've been through so much. [strokes Cartman]
I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire and now he's all pissed off! [gets shocked by the V-chip] Aaggh! Hey, I can't say "pissed off"? [gets shocked again] Aaggh!
I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him $100.
Kyle
Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault.
No, I know. I'm just ****in’ stoked I don't have to pay him.
Kyle
Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat ****!
Sheila
So, boys, you saw that movie again?
Yes.
Sheila
Well, Kyle, I have had it! You are grounded for the next two weeks!
Kyle
Grounded?
And you, Stan, come on. [Stan exits, and the other two follow]
And you're grounded for three weeks, Eric.
'EY, WHY AM I GROUNDED MORE?! THAT'S **** BULLSHIT!
Sheila
W-W-WHAT?! What was that word, young man?!
The machinery of the V-Chip is very simple. It is placed under the child's skin where it emits a small shock of electricity whenever an obscenity is uttered.
Now, uh, wait a minute. This chip somehow knows if the child is swearing?
It's just like a lie detector, you see? Certain things happen to you when you swear, just like when you lie. The chip picks up on this, and gives the subject a little prick. [to Cartman] Patient B-5, would you step out here, please? [Cartman comes out.] Patient B-5 here has been fitted with the new V-Chip.
Oh, my head hurts.
Don't worry about that. Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Doggy.
Notice that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now say "Montana".
Montana.
Good. Now "pillow".
Pillow.
All right, now I want you to say "horse ****er".
Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.
Horse fu-- [gets shocked] 'AAAH!!' Yiii!! [crowd gasps] That hurt, Godda-- [gets shocked] AIII! OW! ****! [gets shocked] Aghh!!
Now I'd like you to say, "Big Floppy Donkey Dick".
NO!
Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
This isn't fair, you sons of bitches! [gets shocked repeatedly as he continues shouting in pain]
Sheila
We will start putting V-Chips in all our children next week!
[audience cheers]
