Seth MacFarlane movie quotes

View Quote Sittin' out here in a public, jerkin' off? Where do you think you are, Red Lobster?

View Quote No! No! I said no Electric Slide! Goddamn it, you will not wreck this night with your forced white people group fun!

View Quote That’s him.

View Quote Hi, there.  My name's Steve.  I'm a dog—in-in case you're, um, well, stupid.

View Quote Just my luck that the only person who could hear me had the IQ of a flank steak.

View Quote I'm house-broken, I'm neutered, and I'm well-versed in the works of Chaucer.

View Quote Luke, this is your landlord.  You still haven't returned my weed whacker.

View Quote Alex Trebek: For eight-hundred dollars, this chemical dye's found in ninety-five percent of all cosmetic products.
Larry Cummings:   Diarrhœa.  [audience laughs]  What?  Oh, oh, oh, sorry!  Sorry.  What is diarrhœa?

View Quote Larry Cummings:   It says here there's another state that's goin'a abolish the death penalty.
Lois Cummings:   Oh, is that right?
Larry Cummings:   Yeah, instead they make ya share a popsicle with Tom Waits.

View Quote Oh, hi, there.  You scared the crap out of me.  I'm Seth MacFarlane, Associate Production Coordinating Directorial Associate Managing Departmental Divisional Office Supervisor of the International Network Amalgamation Distributors Corporation Management Organisational Association of Men Who Like Pussy.

View Quote Wang, for love of Christ, you're an American now.  Use a napkin.

View Quote [being offered a pot cookie by Anna]  The last time somebody gave me one of these, I became convinced that prairie dogs could read my mind.

View Quote I'm not a hero. I'm the guy in the corner, making fun of the hero's shirt, that's who I am.

View Quote Albert: The guy is one of the best shots around. I look like I have Parkinson's next to him.
Louise: What is that?
Albert: It's just another way God mysteriously shows that he loves us.

View Quote Hi, there.  My name's Steve.  I'm a dog—in-in case you're, um, well, stupid.

View Quote I'm house-broken, I'm neutered, and I'm well-versed in the works of Chaucer.

View Quote Just my luck that the only person who could hear me had the IQ of a flank steak.

View Quote Luke, this is your landlord.  You still haven't returned my weed whacker.

View Quote Mike: Look, I'm sure you're gonna a lot of Nampy-Pamby animals in here, saying things like, Oh, it's not winning! It's the taking part that counts! Yeah, not me, pal, I'm here to win. That prize, it's mine!

View Quote Rosita: Why are you back?
Mike: Relax, sweetheart. I'm just back to show you bozos how it's really done! Now watch this.

View Quote Miss Crawly: Anyone seen my glass eye? The darn keeps popping out.
Mike: Whoa! You almost kill me, Jumbo!
Meena: It wasn’t me.
Mike: Oh, Is that so? (The lights catch on fire)
Buster: Pete? [Pete groans] Pete, you’re going to be alright! Okay, just... Just hang in there, buddy! (Ricky and Kai are arguing) Ricky? Kai? Why aren't you rehearsing?
Howie: We're through! They said I'm an intolerable egomaniac. I don't even know what that means!
Buster: All right... We're two acts down. Give me some good news, Miss Crawly.
Miss Crawly: Oh, it's not as bad as it looks. Oopsie-daisy.
Buster: Meena, how would you like to re-audition for the show?
Meena: Really? Well, yeah.
Buster: Great.
Meena: I mean, no.
Buster: What.
Meena: I mean, yes.

View Quote [Stewie and Brian are playing Pac-Man while intoxicated]
Brian: Get, get the fruit. It's more points. Get, get the fruit.
Stewie: I'm not gonna get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit
Stewie: I-I can't get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit man!
Stewie: [angrily] I'M NOT GONNA GET THE FRUIT! THERE'S A GHOST RIGHT THERE!

View Quote Tricia: Peter, how do you respond to the accusations that you were responsible for the series cancellation?
Peter: Well, the show had been on for a while, and uh, I was talking to Alan Alda, and, uh, he said the same thing that, uh, Doc Cosby told me: That it was my face out there, and I should take creative control. So I did. And we pushed the envelope creatively, and I stand by my work.
[cut to Lois and Cleveland dancing to tribal-like music. Cleveland is holding a bleeding chicken]
Cleveland: Peter, can we cut? This isn't working for me.
Peter: Hey, who yells "cut", Cleveland?! The only one who yells "cut" is the director!
Cleveland: Look, if you want me to **** this chick, I'll **** her, but don't make me go through all this bullshit! You're showin' a real ugly side, Griffin!
[Stewie walks in, wearing a tribal skirt and a drum for some reason]
Stewie: Did I miss my cue?
[in the bar]
Peter: Although I probably pushed things too far when I did the incest episode.
[cut to Lois sitting on the couch; Chris walks in]
Chris: [nervously] Oh, uh...hi, Mom.
Lois: [in a shaky voice] Hi, Chris... [they both have a shameful look on their faces]
Brian: [in the kitchen with his head down, pounding his fist on the table every time he says 'wrong'] WRONG! It's WRONG!

View Quote Tricia: Peter, is there anything else you want to say?
Peter: Yeah, I got something to say. [stands on a stool] You know, we kid around a lot here, but the truth is, we care about each other. And we're excited to be back, because we wanna address some serious issues and, you know, do something we can all be proud of. [Peter farts; everyone laughs]
Lois: [laughs] Oh, Peter!
Peter: Hehehehehe! Still got it! [the scene freezes, and the camera zooms out to reveal the Griffins' living room, where the scene is shown on a TV]
Peter: That was me. I used to think flatulence was something to laugh about. Truth is, 300,000,000 Americans a day expel gas through their anus. To learn more about flatulence, you can visit my ass. [farts again, then laughs] Just yankin' ya. [scene fades to black for a moment, then back in again; Peter farts once more]

View Quote I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. must kill you all.
Xandir: Wait, can't we just work something out?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. must be aggressive to survive. It's a common sense policy.

View Quote Jew Producer: You don't talk much, do you, I.S.R.A.E.L.?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. talks when I.S.R.A.E.L. has something to say.
Jew Producer: OK, just trying to pass the time here. Listen, I know you're a robot and everything, but don't you have feeling? Isn't it hard for you to destroy things that have never wronged you?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: Everyone has wronged I.S.R.A.E.L.!

View Quote Jew Producer: You don't talk much, do you, I.S.R.A.E.L.?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. talks when I.S.R.A.E.L. has something to say.
Jew Producer: Okay, just trying to pass the time here. Listen, I know you're a robot and everything, but don't you have feeling? Isn't it hard for you to destroy things that have never wronged you?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: Everyone has wronged I.S.R.A.E.L.!
Jew Producer: Really? Wow, if that's the way you feel maybe we'd all be better off if you didn't exist.
I.S.R.A.E.L.: [pointing a machine gun at The Jew Producer] I.S.R.A.E.L. HAS EVERY RIGHT TO EXIST!!
Jew Producer: Okay, okay, dude, relax, don't get so defensive.
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. need rest...[I.S.R.A.E.L. lands in the middle of a highway and lays down]
Jew Producer: Here?! This is where you want to rest?! This is the single most dangerous place you could be situated! There are so many other places that you could be, I.S.R.A.E.L., that would be safer and would cause less problems! Why here?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. shouldn't have to leave, everyone else should leave! They're the ones who are stupid!