The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie quotes

View Quote Captain Hero: Psst! That guard outfit makes you look fat.
Ryan the Rhino Guard: It does? [runs off crying]
Another Rhino Guard: Oh, great! Now I'll have to deal with that all night. Ryan, wait up!

View Quote Foxxy Love: [confused] Something ain't right here. The Foxxy smells herself a mystery. [the other housemates laugh except Foxxy] What's so funny?
Spanky Ham: Come on, Foxxy. It's time to give up trying to redeem yourself.
Princess Clara: Yeah. For weeks, you've been trying to make up for botching that mystery at the amusement park.
[the scene flashes back to the amusement pack where Foxxy is talking to Old Man]
Foxxy Love: [confronting Old Man] Mr. Wilkinson here denies being a supervillain. But let me ask you this, if you ain't not a supervillain, then why would you need a bulletproof face? [pulls a shotgun and shoots the Old Man in the face, while the citizens gasp. The Old Man's wife suddenly shows up]
Old Man's Wife: [Saddened at her husband's death] Oh, Henry! Hang in there, Henry. Don't give up on me, you hear? Don't you give up on me. It's not your time yet. You're a fighter, damn it! Now fight, fight!
Foxxy Love: Damn! I was 40% sure he had one of them bulletproof faces.

View Quote Foxxy Love: Guys, I solved a mystery.
Princess Clara: The only mystery you've ever solved is the mystery of the empty uterus. [Everybody laughs except Foxxy]
Foxxy Love: If that's true, then how did I found out that the Drawn Together had been cancelled?
(dramatic music)
Wooldoor Sockbat: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cancelled?
Princess Clara: That's ridiculous!
Captain Hero: Girl, you crazy.
Spanky Ham: Poppy****!
Foxxy Love: Oh, really? Then why can I say, "You can all **** my titties with your shit-covered ****s, you ****-guzzling ****s!" without being bleeped?
(dramatic music)
Spanky: Yeah! How the **** is... Whoa! I just said "****!"
Captain Hero: ****! Oh, well, I'll be darned.
Toot: Dick-gobbling, blood-soaked, ass-eating turd taster! Whoo-hoo! This is fun!
Ling-Ling: If we not on TV anymore, then why have I been bleaching my anus?
Princess Clara: Guys, we are not cancelled. This is Foxxy we're dealing with, remember? the worst mystery solver of all time. Everytime she tries to solve a mystery, someone ends up dead!
Foxxy Love: **** you, Clara.
Princess Clara: Don't talk to me like that, Jemima-head. I am a princess.
Foxxy Love: Oh, yeah? Well, if you a princess, then why you got this chair in your face? [she hits Clara with a chair] Ta-dow!
[Housemates are fighting in a cloud]
Wooldoor: We can't be cancelled. We just can't. Can we? [He picks up a remote to turn the television on to go on TV guide spectrum to searching "Drawn Together" and he press a select button on a remote. TV guide is searching to confirmation] Searching. [TV Guide to confirmation it says "No search results found", which he is shocked as he dropped the remote on a floor and begins to weeping] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

View Quote Foxxy Love: What the hell is wrong with you, Wooddork!
Wooldoor Sockbat: There is no good explanation for what I've done.
Foxxy Love: You are clearly out your ****in' mind!
Wooldoor Sockbat: I'm sorry, I'm really...
Foxxy Love: (gasps) Did you hear that?
Wooldoor Sockbat: What?
Foxxy Love: You out your ****in' mind? I said ****, and they didn't even beep it! ****! ****, ****, ****, ****! [gasps] What about shit? What about ****? What about shit****? [gasps again] No beeps! They ain't beeping the curse words! [to Wooldoor] Go on, try it! Say something!
Wooldoor Sockbat: Okay. Uh, schwartza. Mud baby. Smoked Irishman. Ink face!
Foxxy Love: Nah, dummy, they never censor racism. I'm talking about words like "shit****".
Wooldoor Sockbat: Ooh, I could never say that. Those are bad words.
Foxxy Love: Ooh, if they ain't beeping, maybe they ain't blurring nothing. Quick, fool, whip it out!
Wooldoor Sockbat: What?
Foxxy Love: Show me your ****.
Wooldoor Sockbat: I thought you'd never ask. (unzips his pants off) Whee!
Foxxy Love: Oh, Wooldoor, you've been holding out on me!
Wooldoor Sockbat: Whoa! I've actually never seen my penis unblurred before. It's way blacker than I thought it would be.
Foxxy Love: You know what this means? I was right! There is a mystery to be solved. And I's gonna solve it. Thanks, Wooldoor.
Wooldoor Sockbat: So, little fella. let's go get you a burger. Whee!

View Quote I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. must kill you all.
Xandir: Wait, can't we just work something out?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. must be aggressive to survive. It's a common sense policy.

View Quote Jew Producer: You don't talk much, do you, I.S.R.A.E.L.?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. talks when I.S.R.A.E.L. has something to say.
Jew Producer: OK, just trying to pass the time here. Listen, I know you're a robot and everything, but don't you have feeling? Isn't it hard for you to destroy things that have never wronged you?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: Everyone has wronged I.S.R.A.E.L.!

View Quote Jew Son: Hey, after that, Jew Dad, can we play a little catch?
Jew Producer: Of course, Jew Son. Gosh, I love you. I don't know what I'd do if anything would happen to you. Oh, how emotionally invested I am in you staying safe and remaining alive, as would anyone watching us right now. [his cell phone rings] Oh, no.
Jew Wife: Don't you dare answer that! It's Shabbat!
Jew Producer: But it's work! It must be important if the boss is calling today.
Jew Wife: I don't care if it's Moses himself. Do NOT answer that!

View Quote King: Outrageous! How did you think you were going to get away with this? A foul-mouthed clone of my daughter. What if some child actually thought it was her using word shit****?
Network Head: I understand. But we are taking measures.
King: We are taking measures, too. Ooh! [an eraser bomb breaks into the window, his last words before he erased] What the...? [explosion]

View Quote Network Head: Because of this! [takes off of coat to reveal that he has many explosives on his stomach and chest while That's for Pure Mike Nichols song from The Kennedy Center Honors (2003) clip]
[I.S.R.A.E.L. screams as she runs off and jumps out of the window]
Network Head: [His last words before his death] I have enough E-5 to destroy all of Make-A-Point Land! Looks like I'll be enjoying the Drawn Together Gang in hell! [laughs evilly]
Foxxy Love: You've got some real weird sense of humor.

View Quote Network Head: My beautiful wife was taking our little girl Sasha to her first day of elementary school. They were singing something. Something pure, something innocent. Little Sasha was young and hadn't yet been burdened with the complexities and ugliness of life. But then she saw it.
Sasha: Mommy, Mommy! What is that chocolate-face girl doing to the princess?
Network Head's Wife: [gasp as she saw Drawn Together billboard] No, no, no, no. Don't look at it, honey. Close your eyes! For God sakes, close your eyes!
Sasha: Mommy! The chocolate girl is eating the princess! She's eating her face! Why is she eating her face?! MOMMY!!
[both screaming as car crashes as falls into a dead end]
Network Head: My wife lost control of the car and drove off a cliff! They landed in a deadly pit of alligators! Swimming in a pit of sulfric acid! By the time arrived, there was nothing I could do...but get...revenge..!

View Quote Princess Clara: What the... [walks into the king, who is not her father at all] Who the **** are you? [everyone gasps]
King: I am the king!
Princess Clara: The king? You are not the king. My father is the king, which makes me the princess.
Real Princess: Father, I think this peasant has gone mad with the plague... [spinning around, during which time we get to see her vagina under her dress] for everyone knows I am the true princess of the land.

View Quote Rhino Guard: Do you not know that impersonating a princess is a serious offense, punishable by death?
Princess Clara: [slapping the rhino guard's finger] Do you not know that sucking my dick is a serious offense, punishable by **** YOU! Now let us in at once or I'll have your children killed! [to the camera] Yeah, it's good to be home.

View Quote Spanky Ham: Oh god, I was so scared. I mean, I wanted to go, "Whee, wee, wee, wee!", all the way home.
Ling-Ling: Do you think Jew Producer was telling truth? That I'm not really Pikachu?
Princess Clara: Never trust a Jew producer. I'm obviously a real Disney Princess. If I weren't, why would I be so much better than all you people and Foxxy?
Foxxy Love: Maybe the Jew Producer was tellin' the truth. I mean, Clara, you may look like a Disney princess, but how many Disney princesses have done the things you done done?
[cut to various shots of Clara doing un-princess-like things]
Foxxy Love: And how many times you seen Josie and the Pussycats do what I doed?
[cut to various shots of Foxxy doing things not befitting of Josie and the Pussycats]
Captain Hero: Now, Foxxy, let's not jump to any conclusions here.
Foxxy Love: C'mon, Captain Hero, how many real superheroes do you know that bang corpses?
Captain Hero: I don't know. Molly, how many superheroes HAVE you been with?
[cut to various shots of Molly in sexual encounters with various superheroes, the last one in which Batman can be seen fellating Robin on a toilet]
Foxxy: In fact, ain't no real cartoon characters would do any of the things we done doed!
Toot: Come to think of it, I don't behave anything like the real Betty Boop.
Xandir: [sighs] Please, Toot. We're trying to have a discussion here?
Spanky Ham: Yeah, really, Toot. Don't make this all about you.
Ling-Ling: She always does this.
Wooldoor: This is horrible! We're cancelled and fake! Just like my child support checks.
Spanky Ham: Oh, yeah, laugh it up, Wooldoor, but I.S.R.A.E.L.'s after us! No one can hide from I.S.R.A.E.L. What are we going to do?
Foxxy Love: You heard the Jew Producer, They want us dead because we's cancelled. So if we can get Drawn Together back on the air, we can save our asses!
Xandir: [scoffs] Yeah right, Foxxy. How you plan on doing that?
Foxxy Love: I don't know yet. But we can start with that girl who stole our timeslot. The Suck My Taint Girl. She sound like she could help.
[All talking at once]
Princess Clara: Well, I'm not fake. So I'm going back to my kingdom. You're all welcome to join me. My father, the king will keep us safe from I.S.R.A.E.L.
Xandir: I do like being safe.
Ling-Ling: Ling-Ling like safe too also.
Captain Hero: Molly and I always dreamed of going to Disneyworld.
Xandir: You said you'd take me to Disneyworld!
Spanky Ham: Well, like a colostomy bag, I'm on Foxxy's side. I liked being a reality TV star.
Wooldoor: Yeah! We need to get our show back. Otherwise, I'll have to go back to my old gig: exposing myself to children, and that union has THE worst health plan!
Xandir: Fine! Then I guess we are splitting up. How do we decide who gets the mystery van?
Toot: Later, ass-bags!

View Quote Suck My Taint Girl: Look, Make-A-Point Land!
Wooldoor: Where? I can't see it.
Foxxy Love: It's right over there, between Why-You-So-Bitter-About-Being-Cancelled Land and You-Had-Three-Or-Four-Seasons-You-Should-Be-Happy-With-What-You-Got-Most-Shows-Don't-Even-Get-That Land.

View Quote Wooldoor Sockbat: Foxxy, the only thing you're good at is giving head, and you managed to do the opposite!
Foxxy Love: You too Wooldoor?
[Foxxy runs away crying and Wooldoor feels sad]