Most scenes together: Clark W. Griswold & Cousin Eddie (13), Clark W. Griswold & Ellen (11), Clark W. Griswold & Uncle Lewis (4)
Well, obviously something had to break the window, something had to hit the stereo!
Margo And why is the carpet all wet, TODD?
I don't KNOW, Margo.
[Todd and Margo look at the wet carpet, then at each other, and then directly next door to the Griswold house.]
Hey Gris, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.
Aw, you didn't have to get me anything.
Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.
Hey Gris, if you're not doing anything constructive, run into the living room and get my stogeies.
Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?
He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas.
If he keeps it up, it WILL be his last Christmas.
I can't complain. How're you doing?
Not that good, actually.
Didn't your company kill all of them people over in India not long ago?
No, we missed out on that one. Are you pretty set as far as shopping goes?
Well, I can't lie to you, Clark. The truth is things ain't been going too good at all. You know I told you that I borrowed the RV from my neighbor? Nope. It's mine, we live in it. I had to sell off the house, the barn, the ten acres. All I kept was a fifty-foot plot, pigs, and the worm farm. If only I had back the money that me and Catherine sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey players.
How about the kids?
Oh, his kids can fend for themselves.
No, your kids.
Oh, well, that's the bitch of it; I don't know what to do. We rolled into town on fumes, gas money gave out in Gurney...
Eddie, Ellen and I want help you give the kids a nice Christmas.
Oh, Clark, I couldn't do that.
No, we insist.
Oh, no, I'm not one for charity now.
Oh, I know that, Eddie. This isn't charity, it's family.
Now, come on. If you don't tell me what they want, I'll go out and get it on my own.
...Oh, boy. This is a surprise, Clark. This is just a really nice surprise! [hugs Clark tightly] Just a real nice surprise! [laughs in relief, then gives Clark a piece of paper from his pocket] Here's a little list. Alphabetical, starting with Catherine. And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark. Something...[clicks his tongue with an 'A-okay' gesture] really nice.
Uh oh, he's got that crazy look in his eye.
I told you we should've gone to Hawaii!
CLARK, TURN THAT THING OFF AND GET IN THE HOUSE!
I'll go talk to him. [walks up to Clark] You know, Dad, I've been thinking... [Clark turns and stares crazily at him, his running chainsaw pointed in Russ' direction] Good talk, Dad!
Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone. [Snots coughs up the bone] He got it up. He's alright, now.
Maybe if you wouldn't feed him from the table...
No, no. He's probably just nosing through the trash.
[Clark looks to the direction of the kitchen, and sees the trash can has been knocked over, all the trash scattered over the floor]
Lewis?! [tears up when he sees that his Christmas tree has been burnt into a crisp] MY TREE!
So, what’s the matter with you?
Look what you've done to my tree! [notices that Lewis is on fire in the back of his clothes] LEWIS! [uses a curtain, grabs Lewis and pats his back to put out the fire]
At least it's out of its misery!
Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.
He worked really hard, Grandma.
So do washing machines.
Clark, what do you need a hammer for?
I'm gonna catch it in the coat... And smack it with the hammer.
You are not going to kill that squirrel in front of all these kids!
Well honey, what do you suggest?
Mary Can I help you with anything?
Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - brousing.
Mary For your wife? For your girlfriend?
Uh... huh? What happened? I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary You have your coat on.
Yes, oh do I? How'd that happen?
Mary Because it's cold out?
Yes, Yes, it is a bit nipply out. I mean 'nippy out.' What am I saying, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air, though.
Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.
Unravel these. We need to check every bulb. [pulls out a huge tangle of lights] Oop. Little knot here, you can work on that. [hands it to Russ]
This is great! It's great! I'm dead!
