Can't see the line, can you Russ?
Clark W. Griswold
Chevy Chase · 52 quotes
Cousin Eddie
Randy Quaid · 22 quotes
Ellen
Beverly D'Angelo · 14 quotes
Aunt Bethany
Mae Questel · 6 quotes
Uncle Lewis
William Hickey · 6 quotes
Art
E.G. Marshall · 4 quotes
Audrey
Juliette Lewis · 3 quotes
Mr. Shirley
3 quotes
Ruby Sue
Ellen Hamilton Latzen · 3 quotes
Todd
Nicholas Guest · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Clark W. Griswold & Cousin Eddie (13), Clark W. Griswold & Ellen (11), Clark W. Griswold & Uncle Lewis (4)
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation quotes
Page 5 of 6Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair, it's a good quality item. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?
Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here piece of furniture. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?
Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, Clark W. Griswold, Jr.! Remember, don't try this at home, kids; I am a professional. Later, dudes. Let 'er rip. Hang 10! [pushes off; goes sledding downhill at ridiculously high speed] OH, SHIIIIIIIIIT!!
He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if your wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.
Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.
If that cat had nine lives she just spent 'em all!
LOTTA SAP in here, Little full, Lotta sap!!
That right there is a RV, I got it off my buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV.
The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.
They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.
Well I'm gonna park the cars and get the suit cases, and well, I'll be outside for the season.
Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny **** Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
[as an entourage of suits - lead by Clark's boss - passes by single file]
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.