Clark Griswold
Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?
Clark Griswold
Clark Griswold
Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.
Clark Griswold
Ahhh! I'd like to propose a toast, if I may? Here's to...a very restful vacation. Here's to...a very relaxing vacation. A renewed love affair. And...a time of joy with our babies.
Fletch
[narrating]
As I pulled up to my palatial, imitation apartment building, I noticed the familiar red Oldsmo-Buick of Mr. Arnold T. Pants, Esquire. Attorney for the former Mrs. Irwin M. Fletcher. Time to use the service entrance.
Fletch
[to Gail Stanwyck, who answers the door wearing a towel]
Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.
Fletch
I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. Gawdawful mess. You should see my shoes.
Ty Webb
In one physical model of the universe, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, in the opposite direction.
Ty Webb
Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it?
Ty Webb
[singing]
I was born to love you.
I was born to lick your face.
I was born to rub you,
But you were born to rub me first.
Clark Griswold
(The car is stuck in a traffic circle)
Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament.
Clark Griswold
[about Stonehenge]
Take a last look kids, At one of man's most curious creations, built to stand the test of time and the elements, the war, you name it, A thing of glory for a million in future generations to see, and we were here.
Clark Griswold
[singing]
Oh the hills are alive with the sound of Griswold/this shit's been around for a very long time.
Clark Griswold
His name is not Papagiorgio. His name is Rusty Griswold and he's a C+ student!
Clark Griswold
Hard six coming out.
Clark Griswold
...and he want's to enter that garden, with a knowlege, and a mulch...
Dusty
Lip balm?
Bartender
We don't have no beer, just tequila.
Ned
What's tequila?
Bartender
...It's like beer...
Dusty
Is it fattening?
Bartender
...Fat-ten-ing?
Dusty
Lip balm?
Andy Farmer
Call me Mr. Lamb Fries!
Andy Farmer
Cue the deer.
Andy Farmer
You don't know a damn thing about writing! You're a goddamn schoolteacher, not an editor!