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(The car is stuck in a traffic circle) Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament.
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Audrey: (calling Debbie on the phone in Rome) Hello Debbie? Audrey! Listen you and I have a big score to settle and you know exactly what I mean! So if you want to save this last shred of friendship between you and me, you'll do me this favor! I want you to book me on a Pan-Am flight out of Rome into Chicago today!...Yeah, I'll hold!.............Bitch!
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Bike Rider: It's just a flesh wound, honestly!
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Clark Griswold: Aw, there's Buckingham Palace, kids, that's where the Queen lives and works.
Audrey Griswold: What does she do?
Clark Griswold: She queens. And she vacuums.
Audrey Griswold: What does she do?
Clark Griswold: She queens. And she vacuums.
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Clark Griswold: Hello, my family and I were looking for sex.
German Neighbor: Schweinhund!
German Neighbor: Schweinhund!
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Clark Griswold: There's the left bank kids. I bet you can't guess what bank is on the right.
Rusty Griswold: The Bank of America.
Rusty Griswold: The Bank of America.
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Ellen Griswold: Clark, why don't we just forget the "Pig-in-a-Poke" itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people?
Clark Griswold: Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswolds.
Clark Griswold: Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswolds.
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Ellen Griswold: Look back there!
Clark Griswold: Yeah, it's a hooker...
Ellen Griswold: Look who she's with!
[Clark looks back, Rusty is with the hooker, then Clark walks up and puts his hand on Rusty's shoulder]
Clark Griswold: Russell Griswold!
Rusty Griswold: Oink-Oink my good man.
Clark Griswold: Yeah, it's a hooker...
Ellen Griswold: Look who she's with!
[Clark looks back, Rusty is with the hooker, then Clark walks up and puts his hand on Rusty's shoulder]
Clark Griswold: Russell Griswold!
Rusty Griswold: Oink-Oink my good man.
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Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do?
Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.
Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.
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Stewardess: Can I get you anything to drink?
Clark Griswold: Honey? I guess I'll have a Coke.
Stewardess: Do you want that in the can?
Clark Griswold: No, I'll have it right here.
Clark Griswold: Honey? I guess I'll have a Coke.
Stewardess: Do you want that in the can?
Clark Griswold: No, I'll have it right here.
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[Audrey arrives at the breakfast table]
Ellen: Hi Audrey, would you like something to eat?
Audrey: I'm not hungry. [shows that he received a letter from Jack and starts reading]
Jack: (voiceover) "Dear Audrey, I miss the shit out of you. But luckly, Debbie's been coming by to cheer me up."
Audrey: THAT BITCH!
Ellen: Is something wrong dear?
Audrey: No, I'm fine.
Jack: (voiceover) "I think it's time to ask ourselves this question. Do you think this relationship is strong enough that we consider meeting other people? I think it is."
Audrey: (heartbroken) Would you pass the croissants please? And the butters and jams?
Clark: Well it's nice to see you getting your appetite back.
Audrey: Yeah, well who have I got to be thin for?
Ellen: Hi Audrey, would you like something to eat?
Audrey: I'm not hungry. [shows that he received a letter from Jack and starts reading]
Jack: (voiceover) "Dear Audrey, I miss the shit out of you. But luckly, Debbie's been coming by to cheer me up."
Audrey: THAT BITCH!
Ellen: Is something wrong dear?
Audrey: No, I'm fine.
Jack: (voiceover) "I think it's time to ask ourselves this question. Do you think this relationship is strong enough that we consider meeting other people? I think it is."
Audrey: (heartbroken) Would you pass the croissants please? And the butters and jams?
Clark: Well it's nice to see you getting your appetite back.
Audrey: Yeah, well who have I got to be thin for?
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[The Griswold's are checking out of the Royal Imperior Windsor Arms Hotel in London]
Clark: Don't I have to sign this? I think the Pig in a Poke people will take care of it.
Hotel Desk Clerk: It doesn't include telephone bill.
[Upon hearing this, Audrey gets shocked and slinks away.]
Ellen: Oh, that's no problem. We just made a couple of local calls.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Okay, that'll be...(punches numbers in calculator) 253 American dollars.
Clark: There must be some mistake.
Ellen: How can that be?
Clark: (reads bill) Who the hell called Chicago?...........AUDREY!!
[cut to next scene with the family driving to Stonehenge. Audrey is crying.]
Ellen: Audrey, don't cry. Your father didn't mean what he said.
Audrey: Yes, he did!
Ellen: Not really honey. He has nothing against Jack. He's not really going to cut off his balls. Aren't you Clark?...Clark?!
Clark: Okay, I won't.
Clark: Don't I have to sign this? I think the Pig in a Poke people will take care of it.
Hotel Desk Clerk: It doesn't include telephone bill.
[Upon hearing this, Audrey gets shocked and slinks away.]
Ellen: Oh, that's no problem. We just made a couple of local calls.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Okay, that'll be...(punches numbers in calculator) 253 American dollars.
Clark: There must be some mistake.
Ellen: How can that be?
Clark: (reads bill) Who the hell called Chicago?...........AUDREY!!
[cut to next scene with the family driving to Stonehenge. Audrey is crying.]
Ellen: Audrey, don't cry. Your father didn't mean what he said.
Audrey: Yes, he did!
Ellen: Not really honey. He has nothing against Jack. He's not really going to cut off his balls. Aren't you Clark?...Clark?!
Clark: Okay, I won't.
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[In England Rusty sees a man with a punk Mohawk haircut]
Rusty Griswold: That's it! That's what I want my hair to look like dad!
Clark Griswold: Oh Rusty you don't want to look like a rooster do you?
Rusty Griswold: That's it! That's what I want my hair to look like dad!
Clark Griswold: Oh Rusty you don't want to look like a rooster do you?
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[In England]
Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're on the wrong side of the road.
Clark Griswold: Yes I know, honey, I'm also on the wrong side of the car.
Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're on the wrong side of the road.
Clark Griswold: Yes I know, honey, I'm also on the wrong side of the car.
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[In Germany Clark is looking for their relatives house]
Clark Griswold: What are we looking for?
Audrey Griswold: Sechs (pronounced sex) Dad.
Clark Griswold: That'll do Audrey.
Rusty Griswold: Dad that's German for six.
Clark Griswold: What are we looking for?
Audrey Griswold: Sechs (pronounced sex) Dad.
Clark Griswold: That'll do Audrey.
Rusty Griswold: Dad that's German for six.