She breathed on me! A dead person breathed on me!
Clark Griswold
Chevy Chase · 53 quotes
Ellen
Beverly D'Angelo · 25 quotes
Rusty
Anthony Michael Hall · 15 quotes
Audrey
Dana Barron · 10 quotes
Cousin Eddie
Randy Quaid · 8 quotes
Aunt Edna
Imogene Coca · 7 quotes
Lasky
John Candy · 4 quotes
Roy Walley
Eddie Bracken · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Clark Griswold & Ellen (17), Clark Griswold & Rusty (9), Ellen & Audrey (8)
National Lampoon's Vacation quotes
Page 1 of 6Is this your idea of a good restaurant? Dog killer!
I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.
I'm not sure of his exact height and weight. All I know is that the man was a saint with children and a genius with food additives and he was... Clark!
Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.
Marty Moose
Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!
Motorcycle Cop Ya know, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver, faster than you could say "police brutality."
The Girl in the Ferrari It's too bad you're married... I'm in the mood for some fun!
[Looking at Vicki's trophy for hog raising]
Uh, don't take this personally, Vicki; but being a farmer isn't too cool you know.
Oh, yeah? Well, how cool is this?
[Reaches under her bed and pulls out a shoebox full of marijuana]
I don't want to be in the car anymore. I want to go home! I don't want to go to Walley World!
Clark? Under the circumstances, I would rather we just go home. In retrospect, driving across country, has been one disaster after another!
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad! Maybe we can try it some other time. Walley World's overrated anyway.
What do you think?
I think you're all **** in the head. We're 10 hours from the ****in' fun park and you want to bail out. Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation… it's a quest. It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much ****in' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes!!! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
Don't TOUCH!
Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
Find a bush Audrey!
Clark, Dinkins needs a long walk and a bath.
Rusty take care of Dinkins.
Dad he bites.
Bite him back.
Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news?
Cousin Catherine [nervously]
Uh, no; I was just about to.
Good news, what good news, Catherine?
You're driving me to Phoenix!
[Clark bites into his 'burger' and it squirts out onto the plate]
Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as Hell can't take a hint.
Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?
About fifty-two thousand dollars.
[Clark quickly begins putting the money back in his wallet]
You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!
Oh - we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?
Clark.
I thought so. Whew! Well am I gonna eat, or am I gonna starve to death?