National Lampoon's Vacation (1983) · 76 quotes
4th most-quoted character in National Lampoon's Vacation (1983): in 10 of its 76 quotes
Most scenes with: Ellen (8), Clark Griswold (5), Rusty (3)
Clark, I don't think that was funny. A loud noise like that could damage the kids' hearing.
C'mon, Ellen. It looked real. Hell - I thought it was a real gun. Didn't you think it was real, honey?
Audrey What?
I said didn't you think it was real?
Audrey What?
Oh are you happy now Clark? She's deaf.
Oh what the hell - it was fun anyway.
I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey So, everybody does that.
Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
Audrey Uh, don't take this personally, Vicki; but being a farmer isn't too cool you know.
Oh, yeah? Well, how cool is this?
[Reaches under her bed and pulls out a shoebox full of marijuana]
I stabbed my brain.
Audrey I just got my period.
Audrey Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
Find a bush Audrey!
She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. What are we going to do Clark?
Well, I guess we could leave her here and maybe the first phone we pass, we could call Cousin Normie and he could come and get her I guess.
That is the meanest, coldest...
Well, what do you want me to do? Call Federal Express?
Audrey Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we? Please say we don't!
Yeah, come on. It'll be real easy for Normie to find Aunt Edna. All he has to do is look for the buzzards.
Oh, no. You can't just put her on the roof.
Audrey Yes, he can!
You want me to strap her to the hood? She'll be fine. It's not as if it's going to rain or something.
[thunder rumbles]
Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart.
Audrey Let's not overdo it, mom.
Shut up.
O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her… give her a break.
Clark! [Clark ignores her, and chants in Hindu] Clark, this is a serious matter! I'll do it myself!
Honey, I'm not an ordained minister. I'm doing my best, okay?
Lord, we loved this woman with all of our hearts.
Audrey Let's not overdo it, Mom.
Shut up. [to "Lord"] But my husband wants his beloved family to go to Wally World. May God have mercy on his soul. Amen.
AMEN! (NOW) LET'S GO!
Ugh! I hope at least you kids have learned something from this.
Audrey Yeah! Don't die unless someone's home!
Audrey I don't want to be in the car anymore. I want to go home! I don't want to go to Walley World!
Clark? Under the circumstances, I would rather we just go home. In retrospect, driving across country, has been one disaster after another!
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad! Maybe we can try it some other time. Walley World's overrated anyway.
What do you think?
I think you're all **** in the head. We're 10 hours from the ****in' fun park and you want to bail out. Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation… it's a quest. It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much ****in' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes!!! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
Don't TOUCH!
