Rusty That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.
They used to Rusty.
3rd most-quoted character in National Lampoon's Vacation (1983): in 15 of its 76 quotes
Most scenes with: Clark Griswold (9), Ellen (5), Audrey (3)
Scenes with Rusty
15 scenes Rusty Rusty Hey, ya' got Pac Man?
No.
Rusty Ya' got Space Invaders?
Nope.
Rusty Ya' got Asteroids?
Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.
Rusty [looking through Dale's porno magazines]
Would you ever consider selling any of these?
No way, I treasure these. I use them a lot.
Rusty How do you use magazines?
Ya ever bop your boloney?
Rusty Mom, my sandwich is all wet.
They're all wet... Oh God!... The dog wet on the picnic basket.
[Clark spits out his sandwich. Aunt Edna looks at hers, shrugs, then keeps eating it.]
Clark, Dinkins needs a long walk and a bath.
Rusty take care of Dinkins.
Rusty Dad he bites.
Bite him back.
Rusty I stabbed my brain.
I just got my period.
Rusty Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.
Nothing to be proud of Russ... [pauses as Rusty walks away] 50 yards...
Russ, it's really great that I can spend time with you and... uh... uh... uh...
Rusty Audrey, Dad.
[looking at the dead Aunt Edna in the back seat]
She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. What are we going to do Clark?
Well, I guess we could leave her here and maybe the first phone we pass, we could call Cousin Normie and he could come and get her I guess.
That is the meanest, coldest...
Well, what do you want me to do? Call Federal Express?
Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we? Please say we don't!
Rusty Yeah, come on. It'll be real easy for Normie to find Aunt Edna. All he has to do is look for the buzzards.
Rusty Is that a real gun, Mom?
I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.
Has your father ever killed anyone?
Rusty Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.
Hey you can't prove that Russ.
Rusty, may I call you Rusty? I had a bad experience on this ride once.
Rusty What happened?
I threw up.
Rusty [Clark, Rusty, and Ed the car salesman are looking over the Wagon Queen Family Truckster]
Dad, this is not the car you ordered.
Take it easy, Russ. See, Ed, uh... this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the, uh, Antarctic Blue Super Sports Wagon with the C.B. and the optional rally fun pack.
Ed
You didn't order the, uh, Metallic Pea?
Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue! The Sports Wagon! This isn't even the right model!
Ed
You know, I think you're right. I don't think this is the car. This is the new Wagon Queen Family Truckster. This is a... this is a damn fine automobile, if you want my honest opinion. Beats the hell out of the Sports Wagon, but... I want to make you happy, huh? Davenport! [to Clark] I'll get to the bottom of this.
Davenport
Yes, Mr. Ed.
Ed
Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sports Wagon. Where is it?
Davenport
I don't know, sir. [walks away]
Ed
I know what must have happened. It didn't come in.
Ed, I'm not your ordinary everyday fool, okay? Now I'd like my Antarctic Blue Super Sports Wagon right now, and if you can't get it for me, I'm gonna take my business elsewhere. Where's my old car?
Ed
[unbeknownst to him, the car is being crushed]
I'm just as upset as you are, believe me. Davenport! Get Mr. Griswold's car back and bring it back here! [to Clark] I can get you the wagon, there's no problem there. The problem is, it might take six weeks. Now, I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswold, that if you're thinking of taking the tribe cross-country, this is the automobile you should be using, the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait 'til you drive it.
I don't want to drive it. I just want my old car back, okay? I'm not falling for this bit. No way. Let's go, Russ.
[the car is returned, flattened, and Clark tries to open the door]
I don't want to be in the car anymore. I want to go home! I don't want to go to Walley World!
Clark? Under the circumstances, I would rather we just go home. In retrospect, driving across country, has been one disaster after another!
Rusty Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad! Maybe we can try it some other time. Walley World's overrated anyway.
What do you think?
I think you're all **** in the head. We're 10 hours from the ****in' fun park and you want to bail out. Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation… it's a quest. It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much ****in' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes!!! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
Rusty [touching Clark's shoulder]
Dad, you want an aspirin or somethin’?
Don't TOUCH!
Russ, come here a minute. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt your Mom. It's been a long drive. I work very hard for you, Audrey and your mom. I guess when you get older
Rusty Like swimming naked with girls?
Yeah! Like swimming naked with girls. Well, not with girls. You think I was swimming with girls?
Rusty I saw just one girl.
Who, that girl? Oh, no, that's a waitress. No, I was just ordering in. She's a pool waitress. I was ordering some fish for you, Audrey and Mom.
Rusty She took your order?
She took my order, yeah. Swimming waitress. You understand, don't you, Russ?
Rusty Sure, I understand. [pause] Do you think Mom will buy it?
Good talk, son. Go to bed, Russ.
