Mr. Shirley quotes from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting.

I have never been treated like this in my life!

Ellen

I'm sorry. This is our family's first kidnapping.

You're fired! And where's the phone? I'm calling the police!

Eddie

Now, just hold your wad there, fella. Clark had nothin' to do with this. This here, all was my idea.

All right, he's still fired. And you are going to jail!

No, Eddie. It was my fault. I lost my temper when I got my bonus, and I guess I said a few things I probably shouldn't have.

Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year.

Yeah? Thanks for telling us. I was expecting a check, instead I got enrolled in a jelly club. 17 years with the company, I've gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this one. You don't want to give bonuses, fine! But when people count on them as their salary, well, what you did just plain...

Sucks.

Thank you, Russ. My...cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain...

Eddie

I appreciate that, Clark.

...is innocent. I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this, on behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas.

Look, uh...sometimes things look good on paper, but...lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it you have to hurt the ones you depend on. It's people that make the difference. Little people like you. So...Carl, whatever you got last year, add...[shrugs] 20 percent.
[Everyone else starts chattering excitedly to one another. A stunned Clark simply faints]

I think you've made a terrible mistake.

I told you to freeze, mister!

May we blink?

Frank.

Helen!

Oh, Thank God, You're all right.

Oh, I'm fine. I'm just fine. It was a big misunderstanding tonight.

Excuse me. Would you and Mrs. Shirley like to step outside, so, we can take care of business here?

Oh, there's no business. I'm not pressing any charges.

What?

It was a mistake.

Mistake? Frank, honey, you were kidnapped!

I did something I shouldn't have, and these people called me on it. This is Clark Griswold and his family.

Ellen

Welcome to our home. [Mrs. Shirley shakes her hand] What's left of it.

Release, B Squad.

What's going on here?

Remember I was toying with the notion of suspending the Christmas bonuses?

You didn't!

Well...

Of all the cheap, lousy ways to save a buck!

That's pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you-!

I've changed my mind! I'm reinstating all the bonuses!