Jim Levenstein I kind of super-glued myself to, uh, myself.
Played by Jason Biggs 
American Pie 2 (2001) · 61 quotes
American Pie 2 (2001) · 61 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in American Pie 2 (2001): in 23 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: Michelle (5), Steve Stifler (4), Jim's Dad (2)
This is my first time, uh, si-since my first time.
More lines from Jim Levenstein
4 quotes Jim Levenstein Jim Levenstein That's a lot of flutes.
Jim Levenstein My name is Petey, and I have gigantic balls!
Jim Levenstein But we never even had friendly hello sex.
Scenes with Jim Levenstein
18 scenes
Jim
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, evidently you two made quite the handsome couple on the Internet. Oh, I didn't see it. It, uh, was brought up at a PTA meeting.
Jim
Nadia will be expecting filet mignon, okay, and all I'm going to be able to give her is rump roast.
Rump roast...
What are you so worried about? You've had experience since Nadia!
Jim
Ah, yes, you would be referring to the flute fetish band geek, who made me her bitch and then ditched me after prom.
You may be Jimbo, or Jumbo, or Jimbodini to those guys in there, but there are still two people who haven't forgotten where James Emmanuel Levenstein came from. We're awful proud of you son.
Jim
Thanks, Dad.
Don't forget your penis cream.
Kevin So, how are the twig and giggle-berries this morning?
Jim
Oh, very colorful, my dick looks like a paint-by-numbers.
Jim, you're the only guy I know whose dick needs an instruction manual.
Trumpet Kid
Are you a guest? Guests belong in the auditorium, you can't be here!
Jim
Do you know where I could find Michelle Flaherty?
Trumpet Kid
Guests bring food. Food attracts animals. This one time, a bear came, and then the bear had to be destroyed, which means they shot it in the head with a rifle, and killed it, and it died.
Jim
Yeah, you must know Michelle.
Jim
Was I any good that night?
Oh, Jeez, how could I forget? [pregnant pause] You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doin'. But wasn't it fun, even though you were so terrible?
Jim
I-I'm sorry, "terrible?"
I've had worse.
Jim
Oh.
Oh, sorry. I just, ah, I could give you some pointers, if you want.
Okay, pretend I'm a hot girl. Now what do you want to do?
Jim
I want to feel your boobs.
No, you dingbat! You don't just go groping away! You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey!
Jim
Holy shit, really?
No, I was just saying that so you could practice.
Jim
'Course.
Jim
This is good, this is good. [looks down at his erect penis] Obviously.
Oh! Uh, Gilligan's Island, Mr. Howell!
Jim
Uh, what?
You've gotta control yourself and think of something non-sexual. I haven't even touched you yet and you're turning into the Sears Tower!
Now don't freak out. I'm gonna do something to push your threshold.
Jim
[loud thumping/sucking noise]
Ow, that's cold. What is that?
I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren't instruments fun?
Holy shit dude, I found a dildo! [Stifler runs round the house] Dildo! Dildo! Dildo! Big blue rubber dicks for everyone! The people demand rubber dicks!
Jim
What are you doing?
Looking for more lesbian artifacts!
Jim
[hands Jim the dildo]
Where did you get this?
Finch's ass.
Jim
[later] [trying to return the dildo Stifler found]
Which room, man? Which room?
I can't remember shit, man, I was too excited! I'm in a lesbian stronghold!
Jim
[the two "lesbians" are making the guys play with each other, in exchange for the girls playing with each other. Jim and Stifler give each other a split-second long peck on the lips.]
That counted!
That totally counted!
That's the way you kiss your mother.
[later] [the girls request handjobs: Jim and Finch doing Stifler]
It's okay, it's okay. I know what I have to do.
Jim
[Finch and Jim run away]
Mother of God!
I am not touching that!
Jim
Put that thing away Stifler!
Why can't you guys be team players, huh? I was the one doing all the sacrificing!
Jim
What are you doing here?
Stifler's Brother
Pussy, man! I'm here for the pussy.
Jim
[nonchalant]
Take a number.
Trumpet Kid
You suck, r****d.
Jim
I'm not ****. I'm a very special boy. [Jim uses the slide of the trombone to hit the kid in the face.]
Jim
[Noticing the women's natural attraction to Oz]
Amazing.
Yes. The force is strong in that one.
Jim
Nadia, please don't take this the wrong way - You are everything I used to want in a woman, and as much as I'm really, really going to regret this, I think I need to be with someone else.
You--you want the band geek?
Jim
Nadia, I am a band geek. I just never joined the band.
Deputy
[Jim is on the roof with his hand in his pants looking at the paint truck but can't get to the paint thinner. A local sheriff's deputy pulls up, chirps his siren, and gets out of his vehicle.]
Hands where we can see 'em! [Jim raises his left hand with the porn tape glued to it] Both hands! Get the other hand up, goddamn it!
Jim
I can't! I can't! I'm glued! I'm glued. Sorry.
Lady Son couldn't you have left that disgusting thing at home?
Jim's Dad: Excuse me?
Lady Well that kind of material is offensive to me.
Jim's Dad: Oh well, we're sorry but you see my son couldn't leave it at home cos he's having a bit of a medical emergency.
Jim
It's ok Dad.
Jim's Dad: Your opinion in his taste in video rentals is not a priority lady, it's a the bottem of the totempole.(Pause) My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Cos you don't have a penis, or maybe you do.
Jim
DAD!
Jim's Dad: Sorry it just bugs me when people speak before they think. How're you doing son?
Jim
I've been better.
