Jim You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.
Played by Jason Biggs 
American Pie (1999) · 46 quotes
American Pie (1999) · 46 quotes
Tied for most-quoted character in American Pie (1999): in 16 of its 46 quotes
Most scenes with: Steve Stifler (5), Kevin (5), Chris "Oz" Ostreicher (4)
I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
More lines from Jim
2 quotes Jim Jim She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!
Scenes with Jim
13 scenes
Oh! And this one time... at band camp... I stuck a flute in my pussy!
Jim [taking a drink then realizes what she said and spits it out]
Excuse me?
What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cuz I'm getting kind of antsy!
You actually said that? [laughs hysterically]
Shut up!
Jim You did better than me Nova.
Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.
You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. [shouts] Suck me, beautiful!
[walks off, laughing]
You came to see me in action?
Jim Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!
Jim Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
You want to take this one?
Like warm apple pie.
Jim Yeah?
Yeah.
Jim Apple pie, huh?
Uh huh.
Jim McDonald's or homemade?
Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue]
Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Guys.
The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Guys! I'm serious!
What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim Michelle! Michelle.
[talking about masturbation]
It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim Right.
It's not a game.
Jim No.
What you want is a partner to return the ball. You want a partner, don't you, son?
Jim Oh yeah, Dad. I want a partner.
Good. Good. That's very good.
Stifler
[at the library, talking to Jim]
**** me! there's gonna be eastern european chick naked in your house, and you're not gonna do anything about that?
Jim What am I gonna do, broadcast it over the Internet?
Stifler
[awed at Jim's suggestion]
Yeah.
Nadia so umm "shaved" is the expression.[Nadia takes off her panties, and Jim is agape.]
Jim Holy shit.
Holy shit!
Garage Band Members (Tom Delonge, Mark Hoppus, Travis Barker of w:Blink 182): [together] Holy shit.
Enthusiastic Guy [enthusiastically laughs]
Holy shit!
this is like the coolest thing i've ever seen.
I know.
If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]
Stifler
**** me! There’s gonna be an Eastern European chick naked in your house, and you’re not going to do anything about it?
Jim What am I supposed to do, Stifler? Broadcast her over the internet?
Stifler
Yeah!
You can do that?
Jim No, I can’t do that to her.
Stifler
Jim, get some **** balls. If you can’t bring yourself to photograph a naked chick, how the hell are you ever gonna sleep with one?
I don’t like the kid, but he’s got a point, Jim.
Stifler
See? Even Shit Break knows you should do it.
Jim (tries to make a move on a half-naked Nadia)
Looks like you could use an extra hand.
Nadia Jim!
Jim Well, uh…oh!
Nadia (puts on a shirt to cover herself)
Shame on you!
Jim Yes, shame on me. I’ll just go.
Nadia Well…you have seen me. Now it is my turn to see you…strip.
Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It will desensitize you. I don’t want you cumming so damn early this time.
Jim What makes you think that I would **** early?
Come on, I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You’re a sure thing.
Jim Yes I am.
