Wallace Shawn movie quotes

View Quote Oh, ya big lizard!

View Quote I don't like confrontations.

View Quote Whiskers, will you get out of here! You're interfering with a search and rescue!

View Quote It's the chicken man!

View Quote I can't look! Could somebody cover my eyes?!

View Quote Guys, we can't park here. It's a white zone.

View Quote Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the Shrieking Eels — if you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh. If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels.

View Quote [to Fezzik] And YOU! Friendless. Brainless. Helpless. Hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? In Greenland?!

View Quote You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" [laughs maniacally, then falls over dead]

View Quote He held me! He actually held me!

View Quote Mr. Potato Head: But these toddlers... they don't know how to play with us!
Rex: They're too young!
Hamm: Yeah, they're sticky.

View Quote Rex: At last, I'm gonna get played with!
Buzz: Uh, Rex?
Rex: Come to Papa!

View Quote Megan: But how do we get out of here?
Jim: Yeah, how do we get out of here?
Ezra: Well... um.... there's always... my way!
(cuts to ghost carriage bursting out the wall)

View Quote [Emma is carrying a lot of cases for the trip to Heaven]
Ezra: [indicating the cases] What's all this?
Emma: Well, I don't know what we'll need.
Ezra: What are you talking about? We're going to Heaven. You can't take it with you.
Emma: The Hell I can't!
[starts giggling]

View Quote Jim Evers: Wait a minute. You're telling me this guy is dead, and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to get jiggy with my wife.
Ezra: Pretty much. Are you upset?
Jim Evers: The guy is dead, and he's trying to get with my wife? And the house isn't really for sale? Yes, I'm upset.

View Quote [The camera switches to the front of the house. Max has exited out the front door]
Goofy: [comes around from the back] Maxie! Wait up! You forgot your lunch! Have a good day! [kisses Max]
[A few skateboarders passing by see it and start laughing]
Max: [singing] They've been laughing since I can remember, but they're not gonna laugh anymore! No more "Maxie the geek"! No more "Goof of the week" like before!
Girl tearing up test: [singing] No more algebra tests 'til September!
Boy: [singing] No more looking at losers like him!
Bully with crib notes on arm: [singing] No more having to cheat!
Another Bully: [singing] No more mystery meat!
Boy: [singing] No more gym!
Another Boy: [singing] No more gym!
Yet Another Boy: [singing] No more gym!
Yet Another Another Boy: [shouting] No more gym!
Girl with credit cards: [singing] Gonna move to the mall!
Beach Boy: [singing] Gonna live in the pool!
Max: [singing] Gonna talk to Roxanne and not feel like a fool!
All: [singing] 'Cause after today I'm gonna be cruising!
Max: [singing] After today she'll be mine!
All: [singing] After today my brains'll be snoozing!
Max: [singing] If I don't faint, I'll be fine!
Twin Girls: [singing] I've got forty more minutes of Home Economics!
Twin Boys: [singing] Then down with the textbooks...
Nerdy Boys: [singing] And up with the comics!
Max: [singing] Just think of all of the time I've been losing, finding the right thing to say!
All: [singing] But things'll be going my way, after today!
Max: [waves, but Roxanne does not see him, singing] She looked right through me! And who could blame her? I need a new me, plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof! And...
All: [singing] After today I'm gonna be cruising!
Two Girls in black: [singing] No more pep rallies to cut!
All: [singing] After today my brains'll be snoozing!
Bus Driver: [singing] I'm gonna sit on my butt!
Max: [singing] I've got less than an hour and when this is ended, I'll either be famous... [slides down the banister and accidentally bumps into Principal Mazur]
Principal Mazur: [shakes his fist, singing] Or you'll be suspended!
All: [singing] Just think of all of the time I've been losing, waiting until I could say: Gonna be on my own, kiss the parents good-bye! Gonna party from now 'til the end of July! Things'll be going my way after today!
[school bell rings]
Max: [singing] I wish that this was the day after today! [starts to step down, but trips and tumbles down, falling flat on his face at the bottom, losing his hat and shades]
[Students laugh at him then walk away]
Roxanne: [comes over and helps him up] Are you all right?
Max: [puts on his hat and shades] Yeah, yeah, I'm OK, I just ah, duh,... [starts laughing, the emits a Goofy "Uhyuck!", covers his mouth and dashes away, accidentally tripping over some garbage cans. He looks back at Roxanne for a moment, then runs away with an cry of anguish]
[Roxanne looks down at the ground for a moment]

View Quote [The school bell rings again and We cut to inside the high school]
Max: I can't believe I did that! She finally says "hi" to me and what do I do? I choke! Uhyuck! Like a big spaz!
PJ: Where have you been, buddy?
Max: Hi, Peej. Did you get the camera?
PJ: Look, Max, if my Dad catches me with this he'll kill me! Are you sure we gotta do this?
Max: It's my only chance, PJ. To Roxanne I'm just a nobody! But after today...
[Max and PJ are suddenly flooded with light]
Max: [squints into it] Bobby!
[Bobby is drinking at the fountain with a straw. Max and PJ examine the video equipment on a dolly]
Max: Wow! All this is for us?
Bobby: Mmmmm. Slurpage!
Max: Oh, this is going to be so great, man!
Bobby: [wraps around Max] Dude, need fundage, bro.
Max: [reaches into his backpack, and brings out a bag, handing it to Bobby] Oh, your fee! Yeah, yeah! Right here.
Bobby: [reaches into the bag and pull out an aerosol can] Cheddar! [wolf howl] Cheddar Whizzie! [sprays an enormous amount of the cheese into his mouth, smacks his lips and coughs, spraying Max and PJ with cheese] Mmm. It's pretty scrumptious! Let's do it, ladies!
[The scene cuts to school auditorium. Entire school body is there, making noise and throwing paper. Stacey is at the podium in the middle of the stage]
Stacey: As student body president, I just want to say, like, "yea" to all of us for a really neat year.
Trekkie: Yo, Stacey! Talk to me! Talk to me! Talk to me, baby!
Stacey: And also that I hope you can all attend my totally amazing end-of-school party next Saturday to watch the Powerline concert live on Pay-per-view.
[Students cheer this announcement]
Stacey: Thank you. Thank you very much. And now, without further ado, Principal Mazur.
[The microphone squeals as Principal Mazur begins to speak]
Principal Mazur: Thank you, Stacey! And good morning, boys and girls! You know, every year, on the last day of school, I have several youngsters approach me and say, "Principal Mazur, what can we do to not waste our summer vacation? We don't want to waste our free time sleeping or visiting friends..."
Chad: Say, uh, Roxanne. About Stacey's party...
[The scene cuts to Max, who can see the Boy talking to Roxanne through a part in the curtain]
Max: [closes the curtain, and zips up his Powerline costume] How are you, uh, how are you doing down there, Bobby?
Bobby: Don't give me that attitude, you guys. I'm doing it all for you.
PJ: This is nuts! I don't know why I let you guys talk me into this. If my dad finds out, he's gonna nuke my entire existence! [trips on the wires backstage and partially goes under the curtain]
Max: Oh, I hope this works!
Principal Mazur: ...how about Science Slumber Parties! [The spotlight goes out] What the... [Max puts on his shades and gives a thumbs up. It is echoed by Bobby and PJ. A button is pressed. Rock music begins. A large screen begins to rise behind Principal Mazur. Max appears on the screen. Bobby pulls a switch] What? [notices the screen rising] Hey! I'm not going to just...
[A trap door opens up under the podium and it and Principal Mazur disappears down it. Bobby laughs]
Max (as Tevin Campbell): [lip synching] Some people settle for the typical thing: living all their lives waiting in the wings. It ain't a question of if, just a matter of time, before I move to the front of the line. And once you watching every move that I make, you gotta believe that I got what it takes. To stand out above the crowd even if I gotta shout out loud. 'Til mine is the only face you'll see. Gonna stand out 'til you notice me.
[The students scream their approval. Max is amazed to see the reception his act is getting. He especially notices the rapt gaze of Roxanne in the front row. Bobby laughs and tickles PJ over the success of the plan. Both give Max a thumbs up]
Bobby: [turns on a CO2 fire extinguisher] A little smokage! Arooo-oo-ooo!
Max (as Tevin Campbell): [lip synching] If I make you stop and take a look at me instead of just walking by, there's nothing that I wouldn't do if it was getting you to notice I'm alive. All I need is half a chance, a second thought, a second glance will prove I got whatever it takes. It's a piece of cake.
[Bobby hands PJ a rope with a hook on it. PJ sneaks under cover of the CO2 fog and hooks Max's belt from behind]
Max (as Tevin Campbell): [lips synching] To stand out above the crowd. Even if I gotta shout out loud. [grabs a basketball and slam dunks it. As he swings back, he reaches out for Roxanne's outstretched hand]Til mine is the only face you'll see. Gonna...
Girl: Wow! Who is that guy?
[Max's hand almost grabs Roxanne's, but suddenly the music winds down and dies. The cable is pulled back sending Max tumbling, finally ending up by Principal Mazur]
Boy: Hey, it's the Goof Boy!
Bobby: We're busted!

View Quote [With a loud boom, the scene cuts to the main office of the high school, where Max and Bobby and sitting, waiting their turn to speak with the Principal. Miss Maples, a secretary, is typing and humming the funeral march]
Max: [depressed] I'm a failure--complete loser! My one chance to impress Roxanne and I blew it.
Bobby: [reveals something he has been working on for a while] Uh, huh! Max! Look! It's the leaning tower of cheeza! [stuffs the cheese in his mouth]
PJ: [comes out of the Principal’s office with a vacant look on his face] Oh, man! My dad is gonna smash me like a bug!
Bobby: Hey, PJ! Detention! [laughs jokingly]
Principal Mazur: Robert Zimmeruski.
Bobby: [nervously calls Principal Mazur] OK, I'm coming! Max, here. [hands Max can of cheese] Guard this with your life, dude. [wheels the dolly of video equipment into Principal Mazur's office and gives Max a double thumbs up] Hey, Principal Mazur! What's up, bro!
[The door to Principal Mazur's office shuts. Max puts his head in his hands. Roxanne and Stacey come by the office]
Stacey: [fading] ...with all those kids in my house the place will be like a sauna so I'm all freaked out, but then I thought, "Like, use it!" So my theme's gonna be: "Powerline Goes Rain Forest"! Too much? Roxanne, are you listening?
[Roxanne looks at Max]
Stacey: Ahhh!
Roxanne: No, I don't wanna...
Stacey: [whispers] Talk to him! [Roxanne clears her throat a couple of times] Tap him!
[Roxanne taps Max who immediately sits up, startled. Roxanne's books and papers go flying]
Max: [looks at Roxanne and smiles, gets up out of the chair then starts to help Roxanne pick up the papers and books] Gosh, I'm sorry.
Roxanne: It's OK. Really. [Max and Roxanne reach for the same paper at the same time and Max's hand touches hers. They stay that way for a moment, then Max withdraws his hand, a bit embarrassed] Um, I liked your dance.
Max: Yeah. Yeah? Uh, yeah! It's from Powerline's new video!
Roxanne: I know! He's totally a genius!
Max: Uh, yeah! He, he's doing a concert next week in Los Angeles!
Roxanne: Oh, yeah! Stacey is showing it at her party.
Max: Yeah!
Roxanne: Yeah!
Max: [fidgets and fumbles for a while] Um, uh, Roxanne, I was, uh, sorta kinda thinking that maybe I'd ask you to go with me that is to the party. Of course if you don't want to I'd completely understand!
Roxanne: Well, I was, sorta kinda thinking that ... I'd love to!
Max: Yeah?
Roxanne: Yeah!
Max: Good!
Roxanne: Great!
Max: Terrific!
Roxanne: Wonderful!
Max: All right!
Roxanne: OK!
Stacey: [grabs Roxanne's arm and beings to drag her away] Come on, Roxanne. We don't wanna belabor the moment now, do we?
Roxanne: Well, I'd better be going.
Max: I'll call you later!
Roxanne: OK! Bye! [backs into the door. Giggles nervously, then with a final "Bye." leaves the office]
Stacey: See? That wasn't so bad! I told you men are easy to deal with!
Max: Yes! She said yes! Woo hoo hoo hoo! Everybody mambo! [grabs Miss Maples and begins to mambo with her]
Miss Maples: It's not my break yet!
Bobby: Yeah! Dance with her! Groove with her!
Principal Mazur: [enraged] Miss Maples! Get that boy's father on the phone at once!
Miss Maples: [sing-songish] Yes sir! Right away, sir!
[The scene cuts to Goofy answering the phone at the Discount Store]
Goofy: Hello.
Principal Mazur: Uh, yes, Mr. Goof. This is Principal Mazur. I'm calling in regard to your son, Maximillian.
Goofy: Max? Oh my gosh! Is he hurt?
Principal Mazur: No, Mr. Goof. [enraged] He's in trouble!
Goofy: Trouble? What kinda trouble?
Principal Mazur: Dressed like a gang member. Your son caused the entire student body to break into a riotous frenzy!
Goofy: Gang member? Riot? It couldn't be my...
Principal Mazur: [ticked off] If I were you, Mr. Goof, I'd seriously re-evaluate the way you're raising your child, before he ends up IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR! [angrily hangs up the phone]
Goofy: The electric chair? [lets the phone drop] What am I gonna do? [bathed in a beam of blue light]
PA: Blue light special on aisle 3. Blue light special on aisle 3.
Goofy: [bobs the head of one of the figures, which bounces around a while] Lake Destiny.
[The scene cuts to Pete with the camera, with the little girl's picture taking all set]
Pete: OK, kiddo, now smile!
Goofy: [interrupts Pete's picture taking] Lake Destiny, Idaho!
Pete: Lake Destiny, Idaho?
Goofy: You were right, Pete. Nothing like the great outdoors to strengthen the bond between father and son! You said so yourself!
Pete: Well, yeah, but, ah...
Goofy: [takes off his hat and dances away, then puts it back on] I'm going fishing! I'm going fishing with my boy!
Pete: Yah! OK, precious, give me a big smi... [sees the little girl's underwear still attached to the sitting stamp; he realizes that the little girl has gotten out of the sitting spot to avoid having her picture taken]
Little girl: [giggles as she runs after Goofy; the little girl's butt is now nude] Fishy! Fishy!

View Quote Now could all conversations please come to a halt? And could the suicide attempts please be postponed till the next period?

View Quote Mr. Wendell Hall: .... Uh, Amber, rebuttal?
Amber Mariens: Mr. Hall, how can I answer that? The topic is Haiti and she's talking about some little party.
Cher Horowitz: Hello! It was his fiftieth birthday!
Amber Mariens: [does "W" hand motion] Whatever! If she doesn't do her assignment, I can't do mine.

View Quote Mr. Wendell Hall: Cher Horowitz: Two tardies.
Cher Horowitz: I object! Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies?
Mr. Wendell Hall: One was last Monday.
Cher Horowitz: Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies.
Mr. Wendell Hall: I assume you're referring to women's troubles and so, I'll let that one slide.

View Quote Herman: I don't want it tickety boo, I want it tickety now!

View Quote Herman: And what do you do, Chick?
Chick: I'm a pornographer. Let me give you my card, you know, just in case.

View Quote Herman: Nancy, did you finish the Celebrity Scene page?
Nancy Kendricks: Oh, tickety boo.
Herman: I don't know what that means.
Nancy Kendricks: It means you'll have it soon.
Herman: Well if you mean I'll have it soon, then why don't you say 'I'll have it soon'? I mean, 'tickety boo' is just confusing, for everybody!

View Quote Baron Von Westphalen: Our mission is to destroy Capitalism, dethrone God.
Boxer Santaros: Officer Roland Taverner. That's who you want.

View Quote Baron Von Westphalen: [after Serpentine cuts off Takehashi's hand] Clearly your attorneys didn't read the whole contract. It stipulates a six-inch margin of error in the cutting radius!
Hideo Takehashi: Contract said finger only!

View Quote Dr. Linda Lao: Have you built the world's first perpetual motion machine?
Baron Von Westphalen: The ocean is a perpetual motion machine. Fluid Karma is a simulation of the principles you see working right here. As long as the waves continue to crash, Fluid Karma will exist.
Dr. Katarina Kuntzler: Quantum teleportation.
Dr. Linda Lao: Explain the transport mechanism, that's all I'm asking.
Dr. Soberin Exx: Uh, Fluid Karma works via the principle of quantum entanglement. Particles thus entangled will behave identically.

View Quote I mean why have a little... when you can have... a lot!?

View Quote Some of you? Why not... all of you?

View Quote I mean why have a little... when you can have... a lot!?

View Quote Some of you? Why not... all of you?

View Quote I mean why have a little... when you can have... a lot!?

View Quote Some of you? Why not... all of you?