(to step-brother Josh)
So, the flannel shirt deal -- is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?
Cher Horowitz
Alicia Silverstone · 71 quotes
Dionne Davenport
Stacey Dash · 18 quotes
Josh Lucas
Paul Rudd · 15 quotes
Tai Fraiser
Brittany Murphy · 15 quotes
Mel Horowitz
Dan Hedaya · 8 quotes
Murray Duvall
Donald Faison · 4 quotes
Amber
Elisa Donovan · 3 quotes
Mr. Wendell Hall
Wallace Shawn · 3 quotes
Travis
Breckin Meyer · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Cher Horowitz & Josh Lucas (15), Cher Horowitz & Dionne Davenport (13), Cher Horowitz & Tai Fraiser (9)
Clueless quotes
Page 1 of 6Miss Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
Well, there goes your social life.
[after Cher's oral on violence in the media]
Hello?! Was I the only one listening? I mean, I thought it reeked.
I believe that was your designer imposter perfume.
(about Tai)
Dee, my mission is clear. Would you look at that girl. She is so adorably clueless. We have got to adopt her.
She is to' up! Our stock would plummet.
Dee! Don't you wanna use your popularity for a good cause?
No.
Tai, how old are you?
I'll be sixteen in May.
My birthday is in April and, as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and laced at a party, but it is quite another to be fried all day.
Do you see the distinction?
Would you call me selfish?
No, not to your face.
[picks up Cher's backpack]
Well, at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my backpack.
It's faux!
But, Tai, do you really think you'd be good with Josh? I mean, he's like a school nerd.
What, am I some sort of a mentally challenged airhead?
No! Not even! I didn't say that.
What, I'm not good enough for Josh or something?
I.... I just don't think you mesh well together.
YOU don't think that WE mesh well?! Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin who can't drive.
.... That was way harsh, Tai.
Daddy, did you ever have a problem that you couldn't argue your way out of?
Tell me the problem, and we'll figure out how to argue it.
I like this boy....
Yes
And he likes someone else.
How could that be?
I don't know, but I feel wretched!
Well, obviously this boy is a complete moron. You are the most beautiful girl in Beverly Hills. And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I want you with a stupid fellow like that.
Hey granola breath, you've got something on your chin.
I'm growing a goatee.
Oh, that's good. You don't want to be the last person at the coffee house without chin pubes.
Hey! You know about this stuff. I wanna do something good for humanity.
How about sterilization?
Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy
I not a Mexican! [storms out]
What was that about?
Lucy's from El Salvador.
So?
That's an entirely different country.
What does that matter?
You get angry if somebody thinks you live below Sunset.
Oh, she's a full on Monet.
What's that?
You see, it's like the painting see, from far away it's okay, but up close it's a big ol' mess.
I've got an idea. Let's do a makeover!
No. No.
Oh, c'mon! Let us! Cher's main thrill in life is a makeover. Okay, it gives her a sense of control on a world full of chaos.
Please?
Sure. Why not? Shit, you guys! I've never had straight friends before.
Ms. Stoeger? I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for 40 minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.
Ms. Stoeger [The other girls cheer]
Well, you certainly exercised your mouth, Cher. Now, hit the ball.
[Ball flies by, inches from Cher's nose]
Ms. Stoeger, that machine is just a lawsuit waiting to happen!
Ms. Stoeger Thanks for the legal advice.