Josh Lucas quotes from Clueless (1995)

Josh Lucas

If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't 90% selfish, I'd die of shock.

Cher Horowitz

Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Josh Lucas

In some parts of the universe, maybe not in Contempo Casuals, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.

Cher Horowitz

Thank you, Josh. I so need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me that part about Kenny G again?

Cher Horowitz

Hey! You know about this stuff. I wanna do something good for humanity.

Josh Lucas

How about sterilization?

Josh Lucas

Yeah. Well, it's good learning experience, at least for me. I want to be a lawyer. But you, I mean, you don't need to be doing this. Go out and have fun. Go shopping.

Cher Horowitz

Oh, you think that's all I do. That I'm just a ditz with a credit card?

Josh Lucas

No, uh, that's not what I meant. It's just.... um.... Uh, the.... You're.... young and beautiful and-

Cher Horowitz

And?

Josh Lucas

And, uh, well, what?

Cher Horowitz

You think I'm beautiful?

Josh Lucas

Mmm.... yeah. You know you're gorgeous, all right?

Mel Horowitz

I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction.

Cher Horowitz

I have direction.

Josh Lucas

Yeah. Towards the mall.

Josh Lucas

Hey, James Bond, this is America. We drive on the right side of the road.

Cher Horowitz

I am! You try driving in platforms!

Cher Horowitz

Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.

I not a Mexican! [storms out]

Cher Horowitz

What was that about?

Josh Lucas

Lucy's from El Salvador.

Cher Horowitz

So?

Josh Lucas

That's an entirely different country.

Cher Horowitz

What does that matter?

Josh Lucas

You get angry if somebody thinks you live below Sunset.

Cher Horowitz

Hey granola breath, you've got something on your chin.

Josh Lucas

I'm growing a goatee.

Cher Horowitz

Oh, that's good. You don't want to be the last person at the coffee house without chin pubes.

Mel Horowitz

Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter.

Josh Lucas

I don't think so.

Mel Horowitz

Cher, doesn't he look bigger?

Cher Horowitz

His head does.

Josh Lucas

You're not letting her go out like that?

Mel Horowitz

Cher, get in here!

Cher Horowitz

What's up, Daddy?

Mel Horowitz

What the hell is that?!

Cher Horowitz

A dress.

Says who?

Cher Horowitz

Calvin Klein.

Mel Horowitz

It looks like underwear, go upstairs and put something over it.

Cher Horowitz

Oh duh, I was just going to.

Mel Horowitz

Hey you, anything happens to my daughter I've got a .45 and a shovel. I doubt that anyone would miss you.

Mel

So, Josh, have you given any thought to our little discussion about Corporate Law?

Josh

Yeah, you know, but I think I'd really like to check out Environmental Law.

Mel

What for? Do you wanna have a miserable, frustrating life?

Cher

Oh, Josh will have that no matter what he does.

Mel

At least he knows what he wants to do. And he's in a good college. I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction.

Cher

I have direction.

Josh

Yeah, towards the mall.

Josh

We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.

Cher

How fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants-dropping schedule to plant trees. Josh, why don't you just hire a gardener?

Josh

You know, maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause, make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is the giving of...

Cher

Excuse me, but I've donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy...

Josh

Time... funds...

Cher

And as soon as I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance.

Josh

Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, if I ever saw you do something that wasn't 90% selfish, I'd die of shock.

Cher

Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Cher

That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.

Josh

Do you have any idea what you're talking about?

Cher

No. Why, do I sound like I do?

Cher

We got another notice from the fire department saying we have to clear out the bush. You said you were going to get Jose to do it.

He your gardener. I don't know why you don't tell him.

Cher

Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.

I not a Mexican! [storms off]

Cher

Great, what was that all about?

Josh

Lucy's from El Salvador.

Cher

So?

Josh

It's an entirely different country.

Cher

Oh, what does that matter?

Josh

You get upset if someone thinks you live below Sunset.

Josh

You look confused.

Cher

Well, uh, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East.