Brian Fantana I am hung...over.
3rd most-quoted character in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004): in 25 of its 151 quotes
Most scenes with: Ron Burgundy (14), Brick Tamland (8), Champ Kind (8)
I know what you're thinking. And the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called The Octagon. But I've also nicknamed my testes. The left one is James Westfall, and the right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang.
More lines from Brian Fantana
8 quotes Brian Fantana Brian Fantana I'm very aroused.
Brian Fantana [after Brick talks about bears]
Oh that's just great! You hear that, Ed? BEARS! Now you are putting the whole station in jeopardy.
Brian Fantana Excusez-moi, Numero two!
Brian Fantana [unveiling the Sex Panther]
No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. [...] They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
Brian Fantana Listen to Burgundy! He's gone soft on us, like some school boy bitch.
Brian Fantana "[when Veronica gags at his perfume and asks what the smell is]" That's the smell of desire, m'lady. "[once she describes it]" Well... desire smells like that to some people!
Brian Fantana [having heard a passer-by insult his Sex Panther cologne]
...The mood is tense, Fantana!
Scenes with Brian Fantana
16 scenes Brian Fantana Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom!
It is anchorMAN, not anchorLADY! And that is a scientific fact!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!
Brian Fantana You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Shit! Sh... it's terrible! She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!
Brian Fantana Mhm!
LOUD NOISES!!
The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
That's a given.
We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.
Brian Fantana Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?
Brian Fantana Sex Panther by Odeon. This stuff is illegal in 9 countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
It's quite pungent. It's a formidable scent, it stings the nostrils...in a good way.
Brian Fantana [daubing the cologne on his neck]
Yup.
Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana They've done studies, you know. They say 60% of the time, it works every time.
That doesn't make any sense.
My God, what is that smell?
Brian Fantana That's the smell of desire my lady.
God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with Indian food! Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana You know, desire smells like that to some people
Garth Holliday What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee
It smells like Bigfoot's dick!
Hoser
(cut to Brian being jet-hosed)
This is worse than when that raccoon got in the photocopier!
Brian Fantana I think I was in love once.
Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana I don't remember.
That's not a good start, but keep going...
Brian Fantana She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana Damn it!
Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana Panda Watch! The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I, uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.[to the Panda] Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk!
Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind.
Brian Fantana.
Brian No, you're Brick.
Brian.
Brian I'm Brian.
Veronica.
VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I HAD SEX AND NOW WE ARE IN LOVE!! ...Did I say that loud?
Brian Fantana Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month. We are number one. We just grabbed every key demographic.
Brian [Everyone cheers.]
Yeah! Yeah!
Super duper, gang! Super duper! That's nice! Way to go! Neat-o, gang.
Yes!
Boy, Ed, that is good news. I gotta be honest.
That is good news!
Brian All right!
Garth Uh, they don't ever really listen to me, Ed.
Just get it done.
Garth Okay.
Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel Four News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Panda Watch! The mood is tense. I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I, uh, Ching King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said "No, you can't do that, he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off." [to the Panda] Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, panda jerk!
Great story. Compelling and rich. Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at Channel Four News. You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the teleprompter? For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, Burgundy will read!
Brian Well, I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance.
Brian [Brian and Ron.]
Time to musk up.
[He laughs.]
What cologne are you gonna go with? London Gentleman or . . . wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight?
Brian No. She gets a special cologne. It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. Yep. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
It's quite pungent.
Brian Oh yeah.
It's a formidable scent.
Brian Yeah.
Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.
Brian They've done studies, you know? 60% of the time, it works every time.
That doesn't make any sense.
Brian Well, let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
Brian [Brian growls, leaves the office, and approaches Veronica.]
Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way.
My God. What is that smell? Oh!
Brian That's the smell of desire, my lady.
God no, it smells like - like a used diaper filled with Indian food. Oh! Excuse me.
Brian You know, desire smells like that to some people.
News station employee
[Other people start reacting to the cologne.]
What is that? It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!
Woman
[Another woman passes by Brian and reacts in disgust.]
It smells like Bigfoot's dick!
Brian [Almost all of the employees flee the office to avoid the smell, and a woman starts screaming. Brian looks at his watch.]
Oh.
Brian [The smell is so strong that it sets off the fire alarm. Brian tries acting casual and walks away.]
Oh, what's that smell, huh?
Hoser
[The scene cuts to Brian being jet-hosed in the parking lot.]
This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier!
Brian [Brian laughs.]
A real ice queen.
The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show.
Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and we are now in love! Did I say that loud?
Brian Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
Well, I don't care. It's fantastic!
What's it like, Ron?
The intimate times? Outta sight, my man!
Brian No, the other thing. Love.
Yeah. What is that?
You really want to know what love is?
Brian Yes! Tell us!
More than anything in the world, Ron!
Well, it's really quite simple. It's kinda like...
[He starts singing "Afternoon Delight".]
"Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight. My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right', why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?"
Everyone
[Champ, Brian, and Brick join in.]
"When everything's a little clearer in the light of day. And, we know the night is always gonna be here anyway!"
"Thinking of you's workin' up my appetite, looking forward to a little afternoon delight. Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite, and the thought of loving you is getting so exciting, sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight."
Everyone
[Everyone sings.]
"Afternoon delight!"
Brian Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
Brian Yeah, it really does.
Man.
Everyone
[Everyone sings.]
"Afternoon delight!"
Last time I checked, my name was Ron Burgundy! What's yours?
Brian Fantana Brian Fantana!
Champ Kind!
Brian Fantana...
Brian Fantana No, you're Brick...
Yes! Ron!
Stop it! Ron!
[voiceover]
Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL but was later fired after being accused of sexual harassment by Terry Bradshaw.
Woman
[to Brian Fantana]
Excuse me. Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?
[Brian howls happily.] [voiceover]
Brian Fantana went on to have great success as the host of the hit reality TV show Intercourse Island on the Fox Network.
Brian Anyone seen Brick? Brick?
[Brick is still in the bear pen and is cuddling with a bear.]
Don't! That tickles! No, that tickles me!
[voiceover]
Brick Tamland is married with 11 children and is one of the top political advisors to the Bush White House.
I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!
Baxter
[Ron and Veronica are still kissing.] [to Ron, about Veronica]
Hey! Is she going to live with us? Because I am not cool with that.
