Martin Short movie quotes

View Quote [upon encountering Jim] Oh, this is fantastic! A carbon-based life form come to rescue me at last! I just want to hug you and squeeze you and hold you close to me.

View Quote I've been marooned for so long. I mean, solitude's fine, don't get me wrong. But for heaven's sake, after 100 years... YA GO A LITTLE NUTS!

View Quote I'm sorry, my memory isn't what it use to be I've, um, lost my mind! [laughs] "Lost my mind!" You haven't found it, have you? My missing piece? My primary memory circuit?

View Quote (About Jovanovich) Now, this guy has a lot of money. He's the king of caviar, and he's gonna save our asses!

View Quote JAN!!!!!!

View Quote I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot!

View Quote Jack: [after Santa's pants catch on fire] Is there anything I can do?
Scott: Yeah, put a chill on my bottom, will you?

View Quote Bud: [after putting out an oven fire deliberately started by Jack] What's the matter with you people? Don't you realize you were an inch away from Armageddon?
Jack: [sarcastically] I'll get a mop!

View Quote Jack: [to Scott] You get the soda cans and you get the TV specials and you get the postage stamps and the billboards and the beautiful adoring wife and the army of toy-building yes men. What do I get? A few runny noses and some dead citrus.

View Quote Hubie: Rocko, there's something you should know. Waldo...Waldo isn't real [(Rocko's face is shocked)] I needed to you to show me the way home. I didn't think you'll do it if I asked. So... So I made up stories about a make-believe-guy named Waldo. [(Rocko is angry and punch his fist together)] Well, say something.

View Quote Hubie: [(wishing upon a star)] Star Light, Star Bright, The first star I see tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight.

View Quote Hubie: Hey Rocko, I guess this means we put our differences on ice. [(laughs)] Get it, huh? "Put our differences on ice?"

View Quote Would I be in a doctor's office if I was feeling alright?

View Quote I'm possessed!

View Quote Please, I beg of you for some aspirin!

View Quote Huy: [repeated line] By the power of Ra!

View Quote Hotep: So you think you've got friends in high places, with the power to put us on the run. [he vanishes]
Huy: Well, forgive us these smiles on our faces. You'll know what power is when we are done, son...

View Quote [After Rameses and Moses have wrecked the statues]
Seti: Why do the gods torment me with such reckless, destructive, blasphemous sons?
Rameses: Father, hear what I say...
Seti: Be still, Pharaoh speaks. I seek to build an empire, and your only goal is to amuse yourselves by tearing it down. Have I taught you nothing?
Hotep: You mustn't be so hard on yourself, Your Majesty. You're an excellent teacher.
Huy: It's not you fault your sons learned nothing.
Hotep: Well, they learned blasphemy.
Huy: True. [They both leave]
Moses: Father, the fault was mine: I goaded Rameses on, and so I am responsible.
Seti: Responsible. And do you know the meaning of that word, Rameses?
Rameses: I understand, Father.
Seti: And do you understand the task from which your birth has destined you? The ancient traditions: when I pass into the next world, then you will be the morning and the evening star.
Rameses: One damaged temple does not destroy centuries of tradition.
Seti: But one weak link can break the chain of a mighty dynasty!
[The Queen relieves him]
Seti: You have my leave to go.
Rameses: Father...
[The Queen stops him and he leaves, offended]
Moses: Father, you know it was really my fault. Must you be so hard on him?
Seti: Moses, you will never have to carry a burden like the crown I will pass to Rameses. He must not allow himself to be lead astray, not even by you, my son.
Moses: All he cares about is... is your approval. I know he will lift up to your expectations. He only needs the opportunity.
Seti: Maybe, maybe so. Go now, I shall see you both tonight.

View Quote Balloons to the children of the world! Trapeze Americano!

View Quote Alex: Stefano, why the sad little face?
Stefano: Vitaly. He will not go on!
Alex: What?
Stefano: I tried everything I could! [weeping]
Alex: Shhhhh... Wipe away the tears. Calm down. Where is he? I'm sure I can reason with him.

View Quote Stefano: It's real!
Maurice: That's how you do it!
Stefano: So, you want to run away with the circus?
Alex: Live a life of adventure?
Gloria: Full of romance?
Melman: And danger!
Marty: Really living!
Stefano: What do you say?
Marty: [singing] Ra da da-da-da-da da circus! Da da da-da-da-da-da da Afro circus! Afro circus! Afro! Polka-dot, polka-dot, polka-dot Afro!
[Marty and Julien do their mash-up dance routine with "I Like To Move It" and "Afro Circus" while Gloria, Melman, Alex and the circus animals celebrate their victory]
Alex: Hey, Skipper, what did you end up doing with the crazy lady anyway?

View Quote One time, Dorothy Gish was visiting me on the set of "Little Neddy, Grab Your Gun". And she came up to me and she looked me in the face and - I'd never met her, I'd just known her on films, you know, Dorothy Gish, Lillian's sister - and she looked me in the eyes and she said, "Young man, you have got it." And. Ah! Dorothy Gish. It's a true story.

View Quote Bartender: We don't have no beer, just tequila.
Ned: What's tequila?
Bartender: ...It's like beer...
Dusty: Is it fattening?
Bartender: ...Fat-ten-ing?

View Quote Ned: Young man, you have got it!

View Quote But she's dead, Your Highness. The imposter must've escaped. [Anneliese: No, Preminger.]

View Quote [Erika is pacing back and forth]
Erika: How am I gonna do this? Everyone will know I'm a fake. They'll throw me in the dungeon in two seconds flat. Oh, Julian, where are you? Why aren't you here?
Preminger: [comes in] Your most beautiful Highness. [Wolfie jumps down from the bed and barks at him] What's this stupid cat doing here?
Erika: He belongs to me.
Preminger: Oh, he's yours, is he? Well, a thousand apologies, my lady. Such, canine, feline. What happened to the other one?
Erika: Uh, she's around here somewhere.
Preminger: I see. So, that you're apart. The queen has sent me to escort you to meet the king.
Erika: Uh, thank you.
[Erika takes Preminger's arm. She and Preminger leave the room, with Wolfie following them]

View Quote [Anneliese, Preminger, and Serafina arrive outside the mines]
Anneliese: What are we doing here?
Preminger: Taking a little side trip, princess.
Anneliese: [realizes, angrily] You were behind this!
Preminger: Very clever planting a double to fool the queen, but not quite clever enough. Checkmate! I win. [pulls Anneliese by her arm into the mines]
Anneliese: Serafina!
[Serafina follows Anneliese and Preminger into the mines as Hervé watches on. Preminger pushes Anneliese down]
Nick: Nice to see you again, Your Highness. [to Nack] Watch your step.
Anneliese: I don't understand, Preminger. Why would you do this?
Nack: To be king. [gets punched in the shoulder by Nick]
Anneliese: And how would you get to be king?
Preminger: Still underestimating me? Isn't that just like a royal?
Nack: He was going to marry you.
Anneliese: [surprised] What?
[Preminger and Nack get Anneliese up]
Nack: Now he's got a new bride in mind.
Preminger: Your mother is a very handsome woman. [laughs evilly]
[Preminger and Nack take Anneliese further into the mines, with Nick following behind. Serafina follows behind as well. Preminger opens the door and pushes Anneliese in. Julian is kneeling on the floor with his hands tied behind his back]
Anneliese: Julian!
Julian: [surprised] Anneliese?
[Anneliese starts to untie Julian]
Preminger: How sad they'll be when they discover you've died in a tragic accident.
Julian: They'll never give up looking for the princess.
Preminger: Oh, I think they will. When I show them this. [shows Anneliese and Julian the former's ring. He laughs evilly] Oh, that's funny.
[Anneliese finishes untying Julian. Preminger leaves and closes the door behind him. Julian pulls on the door handle, but is unsuccessful. He shoulder barges against it to break it down, but is unsuccessful]
Julian: No good.
Anneliese: We have to stop him.

View Quote Franck: Oh oh. I bring the wrong color thread. I assumed you'd be wearing a black tuxedo.
George: It is a block tuxedo.
Franck: I don't think so, babe. This tux is navy blue!
George: What are you talking about? Armani doesn't make a blue tuxedo.
Franck: Armani don't also make polyester.

View Quote Franck: Now, Mr. Banks, please, about the seafood. Hanck wants to know if it's okay or not to cook.
George: No Franck. Tell Hanck it's not okay. If I have to move out all the furniture and add amps and repaint the walls and get a new tux and pay for swans, then I'd like the cheaper chicken. Is that clear?
Franck: I understood the "cheaper" part. [Franck talks to Hank] Well, that's it. Hank says he will think about this. Now, we do not want to lose him. He is a genius and we need his mind, okay? So, I'll see what I can do. Hank? Hank?
Howard: I see you're starting to lose it, but I have one more question, very simple, about the parking attendants. Four is comfortable, three is acceptable, anything less absolutely terrifies me.
George: Two.
Howard: Two.

View Quote Franck: [looking at a book of wedding cakes] So this is a very popular cake with many of the fashionable weddings, you know? And this...I just don't do anymore. And this is fabulous.
Nina: Oh. Oh, that is incredible! Annie, that's just like the one we saw in the magazine.
Annie: Do you like it Dad?
George: Well, what is that? Is that dollars? $1,200?
Franck: Well, Mr. Banks. This is a very reasonable price for a cake of this magnitude.
George: A cake, Franck, is made of flour and water. My first car didn't cost $1,200.
Franck: Well, welcome to the nineties, Mr. Banks!
George: [voiceover] Not only did I not understand a syllable this guy was saying, now I had the feeling he was putting me down.

View Quote Jared: Thimbletack, what happens if goblins get the book?
Thimbletack: You die. I die. We all die. Bye-bye.
Mallory: [turns to Jared; voice quavering slightly] What does he mean, "we all die"?
Jared: I think he means we all die.

View Quote Jared: Why can't I see you?
Thimbletack: You don't see us, now you do, but only if we want you to.

View Quote Thimbletack: Master must destroy the book!
Arthur Spiderwick: NO! No, we need to protect it! Keep it inside the circle, and safe from the ogre! I just need more time, Thimbletack. I need more time.

View Quote My finger!