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George Banks quotes

View Quote I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. A boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say "I do." I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not my own. My daughter's. Annie Banks-MacKenzie. That's her married name. MacKenzie. I'll be honest with you. When I bought this house seventeen years ago, it cost me less than this blessed event in which Annie Banks became Annie Banks-MacKenzie. I'm told that one day I'll look back on all this with great affection and nostalgia. I hope so. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. An adorable little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never imagine. I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. How she used to sit in my lap and lean her head against my chest. She said that I was her hero. Then the day comes when she wants to get her ears pierced and she wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. Next thing you know she's wearing eye shadow and high heels. From that moment on, you're in a constant state of panic. You worry about her going out with the wrong kind of guys, the kind of guys who only want one thing--and you know exactly what that one thing is because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then she gets a little older and you quit worrying about her meeting the wrong guy and you worry about her meeting the right guy. And that's the biggest fear of all because then you lose her. And before you know it, you're sitting all alone in a big, empty house, wearing rice on your tux, wondering what happened to your life. It was just six months ago that it happened here. Just six months ago that the storm broke.
View Quote I've always been a concerned parent. I'm big on car seats, seat belts, bed times, curfews, calling when you get somewhere, never running with a sharp object. What can I say? I'm a father. Worrying comes with the territory.
View Quote We live in a small town in Southern California called San Marino. I love this town, and not just because it's the kind of place where people still smile at each other but because it hasn't changed much in the past twenty-five years. And since I'm not a guy who's big on change, this town fits me like a glove. I got Annie's ten-speed all cleaned up and polished. New seat, new tires...I couldn't wait to show it to her. This is our house. 24 Maple Drive. Annie was just in grammar school when we bought it. A few years later, we got a surprise package. Our son, Matt. I love this house. I love that I taught my kids to ride their bikes in the driveway. I love that I slept with them in tents in the backyard. I love that we carved our initials in the tree out front. This house is warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and looks spectacular with Christmas lights. It's a great house. I never want to move. But the thing I think I like best about this house are the voices I hear when I walk through the door.
View Quote Right then I realized, my day had passed. She'll always love me, of course, but not in the same way. I was no longer the man in my little girl's life. I was like an old shoe. The kind we manufacture and get all excited about, then after a few years discontinue. That was me now. Mr. Discontinued.
View Quote With one swift move, I'd been cut out of the deal. Annie, Nina, and Franck were in charge now.
View Quote I was beginning to feel like I was having an out of body experience. I had to get out of the house, and fast. Nina said as long as I was escaping would I mind escaping to the market and picking up something for dinner. Sure. That was all I needed. A busy supermarket. I needed to drive, mellow out, get my mind off the wedding. But mellowing out was not in the cards.
View Quote That was the low point. Flipping out over four hot dog buns. I couldn't figure out why I'd gotten so nuts. Why the wedding had me so unglued.
View Quote I knew I'd never be able to remember what Nina wore that day. But I also knew I'd never forget the way she looked.
View Quote This was the moment I had been dreading for the past six months. Well, actually for the past twenty-two years...Annie overwhelmed me. She was as calm and cool as I had ever seen her. Very unBanks-like.
View Quote It's funny how empty a house can suddenly get, isn't it?
View Quote Nina: Is something going on?
Annie: Yes, it is, Mom...uh...God, this is a hard thing to tell parents...especially when you're my parents...Oh, God!
George: Honey, just say it. What's the big deal?
Matt: Yeah.
Annie: Okay! I met somebody in Rome. Um, he's an American. Uh, he's from L.A., actually. And um, his name's Brian MacKenzie. And he's this completely wonderful, wonderful, amazing man, and...well, we starting seeing each other, a lot...and, um...we fell in love. Ha! Ha! It actually happened! And, uh, we've decided to get married...which means that, I'm engaged! Ha! I'm engaged! I'm getting married! HA!
Matt: Congratulations!
Annie: Thank you.
Nina: Oh! My! My! Oh, so, oh my...and that's your engagement ring, huh? bought it from said that it's at least a hundred years old...So, Dad. Stop it. Say something.
George: I'm sorry. What did you say?
Young Annie: Dad, I met a man in Rome. And he's wonderful and brilliant, and we're getting married.
Annie: Mom, what's he doing?
Nina: George? George? George? What is it?
George: Well...this is...this is ridiculous! You're too young to get married!
Annie: Too young? Dad, I'm twenty-two. If I'm not mistaken, that's a year older than Mom was when you guys got married.
George: That is absolutely not true!
Nina: Oh,'re absolutely wrong.
George: You were this age when I married you?
Nina: No. I was younger. I was this age when she was born.
George: That...that doesn't matter. Times have changed. Your mother was mature...and twenty-two isn't what it used to be...Matt, would you turn on the air conditioner? It's hot in here. I thought...I thought you didn't believe in marriage. I thought it meant a woman lost her identity. I thought you wanted to get a job before you settled down so you could earn money and be your own person.
Annie: All right, hold on. I didn't think I believed in marriage until I met Brian. Brian's not like any other guy I've ever known. I want to be married to him. And I'm not going to lose my identity with him because he's not some overpowering, macho guy. He's like you, Dad! Except he's brilliant. He happens to love that I'm going to be an architect. He wants me to design a house for us to live in. He said he'd move anywhere I got a job. Give me a little credit, George. I'm not going to marry some ape who wants me to wear go-go boots and an apron. I'm telling you, you'll love him. He's a genius. And sweet. And I love him more than anything in the world.
Nina: What does Brian do?
George: Who's Brian?
Nina: Oh!
George: I forgot his name!
Annie: He's an independent communications consultant.
George: Independent?
Annie: Yes.
George: That's code for unemployed! This is perfect! You meet an unemployed, amazingly brilliant non-ape that I'm going to have to support! I suppose I'm going to have to hire him and fire some hard working guy with three kids because my son-in-law, the "independent communications consultant," can't get a job anywhere else! No wonder he'll move anywhere you get a job! You're not getting married and that's it and that's final! And I don't like you calling me George! I mean, when did this start?
Annie: Daddy, what is wrong with you? [runs out]
George: What? Are you telling me you're happy about this?
Nina: George, please. Would you stop acting like a lunatic father and go out and talk to her before she runs out that door, marries this kid and we never see her again!
George: All right. Kid? How do you know he's a kid? He could be forty-five years old.
View Quote Annie: An independent communications consultant does not mean he's an unemployable non-ape. Brian happens to be a computer genius. Companies send him all over the world hooking up these complex systems. Major banks and corporations send him to Tokyo and Brazil and Geneva. He's a genius.
George: You mentioned that. How old is this genius?
Annie: Twenty-six, not forty-five. You guys still think I can't hear you when you're one room away.
George: If you love him so much, I know I'll love him, too.
View Quote Brian: I've heard so much about you. It's great to finally meet you, sir!
George: [voiceover] "Sir." Two words now crossed my mind: "brown" and "nose."
View Quote Brian: You know, driving down here, I tried to put myself in your place. Your daughter comes home after spending four months in Rome, and uh, I'm sure you couldn't wait to see her...and she shocks you with the news that she's getting married. And to somebody you've never met before. I'm sure that was pretty..."heavy" use a word from your generation. I just want to say that I'm an upstanding citizen, and I've never been engaged before...I've never really been in love before. And, uh...I think Annie is the greatest person I've ever met. And I can't wait to marry her and one day...have children...and grandchildren. And I'm going to do my best to be supportive of her dreams...and she's a very gifted architect...and um...I'm just thrilled that I met her! I love your daughter. The feelings I have for her are never going to change. And I'm here to stay.
Nina: Oh, honey!
Annie: Mom! [they hug]
Brian: That's okay Mr. Banks, we don't have to hug.
George: later.
Nina: Well that was just a...that was just about the best thing I ever heard anybody say!
Brian: Well, I meant it.
View Quote Brian: Good night. Good night, Mr. Banks.
Annie: Oh, you can call him George. Or Dad!
George: George will be fine.
Brian: Okay. I'll say it next time I see you.
George: Drive carefully. And don't forget to fasten your condom.
Annie: Dad!
George: Seat belt! I meant...I meant seat belt.
Nina: Honey, I'm putting your father to bed. This has been a very big night for him.
View Quote George: It'll never last.
Nina: Wanna bet?
George: Nina. Annie's much too spirited for this kid. He's totally wrong for her. I give it two months, tops. One month.
Nina: This is the right guy for Annie, George. I'm tellin' you, I feel it in my bones. I mean, we're two lucky parents, George.
George: Lucky? Oh! What about his laugh? It was such a give away. It was so phony with his "Ha! Ha! Ha! Hee! Hee! Hee!"
Nina: I thought it was totally sincere.
George: Oh, please. What about that little rehearsed speech he gave that was right out of a book. "How to Grease Your Future Mother-In-Law."
Nina: You're off here, George, really. I thought it was completely from his heart. Why do you think I cried?
George: Good question. I don't know why either of you cried. I'm losing my voice. Are my glands swollen?
Nina: Let me see. No. No, honey. No.
George: And what about the way he kept touching her?
Nina: What do you mean?
George: What do you mean, what do I mean? He couldn't keep his hands off of her.
Nina: Oh, yes...kind of like when we were engaged, except that wasn't all you couldn't keep off me.
George: That was different. And we certainly never acted that way in your parent's house.
Nina: Oh! You want me to name all the rooms we did it in at my parent's house?
George: That was different. We were like two imbeciles. This is our child we're talking about.
Nina: Our child? Oh, George. You know, I still think you see Annie as a seven year-old girl in pigtails!
George: Well, you know? That just shows how you much you know about me because that is not at all how I see her. Right...a seven year-old with pigtails. I mean, here's the thing. We have no idea who this Brian really is.
Nina: Oh?
George: And if that's his real name. I mean, who knows? You know, maybe he already has a wife. You read about these cases everyday. Men who have wives and families stashed all across the country. He could be a professional con artist who meets innocents abroad, and gives them this song and dance about being an independent...whatever that was...and then skips out after bilking them for all they're worth. What are you doing?
Nina: I'm getting ready for bed.
George: Then I suppose that you're not interested that I believe I remember seeing someone who looked like Brian's twin on "America's Most Wanted"?
Nina: You're right. I'm not. George? George, I thought he was great. I liked him a lot. And I'm really happy...George...Would you please stop making that face? And I'm very happy for Annie. And I'm excited for her. This is a big deal and I think that we should at least hug. This is great news. Oh! A wedding! Father of the Bride. Can you believe it?
View Quote George: I don't know why we have to have brunch with total strangers.
Nina: Because their son is marrying our daughter and it's not an unusual custom meeting the in-laws.
George: You know, that's another thing. I hate that expression, "in-laws." What does it mean, anyway? We're legally bound to these people? I don't want to be "in-lawed." Especially to people who live in Bel-Air. I mean, what kind of people have brunch and live in Bel-Air?
Nina: Rich people.
George: They probably live in the one shack in the middle of all these mansions.
Nina: Nice mood, George.
George: What? I'm in a good mood.
Nina: Okay, I think this is it. Yeah...Nice shack, babe.
George: Worse. It's the biggest house on the street. Now we're related to pretentious snobs. Just what we need.
View Quote John: Oh, what a nerve-wracking thing, meeting your future in-laws. What a relief. You two look perfectly normal.
Nina: Oh, well, I am.
View Quote John: How did you...uh...take the news, George?
George: Me? Uh, truthfully, I was a little surprised.
John: I was shocked.
George: So was I.
John: After all, they'd only known each other a few months.
George: Exactly. And Annie is just finishing up school.
John: Absolutely. Oh, believe me, I tossed and turned over this one, but...the bottom line is, they're in love. They over twenty-one, and whether they're rushing into this or not is maybe not for us to say.
George: [voiceover] Right. Not for us to say. We're only their parents. I was just about to say these very words out loud when he hit me with...
John: Yes, sooner or later you just have to let your kids go and hope you brought 'em up right.
George: [voiceover] This guy was making a little too much sense for me. Suddenly, my shirt collar felt like it was starting to strangle me.
View Quote George: The reason I'm asking all these questions is I have a great idea where we can have this lovely, not small, but not too big wedding.
Nina: You do? Where?
George: At our favorite restaurant. The place we've been eating at for fifteen years. The best. The Steak Pit!
Annie: Dad, get serious.
Matt: I don't think you want the word "Pit" on a wedding invitation, George.
Annie: Really, Dad. A rib joint with sawdust on the floor isn't exactly what I had in mind for my wedding. No offense.
View Quote Nina: Why have you been acting so crazy since the moment Annie told you she was getting married?
George: I haven't been acting crazy. I've simply been acting like any normal, red-blooded, American dad.
Nina: Normal? Uh-huh. Okay. Falling into the MacKenzie's pool. Suggesting The Steak Pit as a wedding reception. Oh, watching "America's Most Wanted" every night looking for Brian's face, and now this picnic scenario? George, a wedding is a big deal. Everybody seems to understand this but you.
View Quote Franck: [looking at a book of wedding cakes] So this is a very popular cake with many of the fashionable weddings, you know? And this...I just don't do anymore. And this is fabulous.
Nina: Oh. Oh, that is incredible! Annie, that's just like the one we saw in the magazine.
Annie: Do you like it Dad?
George: Well, what is that? Is that dollars? $1,200?
Franck: Well, Mr. Banks. This is a very reasonable price for a cake of this magnitude.
George: A cake, Franck, is made of flour and water. My first car didn't cost $1,200.
Franck: Well, welcome to the nineties, Mr. Banks!
George: [voiceover] Not only did I not understand a syllable this guy was saying, now I had the feeling he was putting me down.
View Quote George: Two hundred and fifty dollars a head means that for the four of us to attend this wedding in our own home will cost one thousand dollars. Therefore, we are not getting up from this table until we cut this list down to the bare minimum. Now, invite as many people as you want to the church. Pack 'em in. Build a grandstand if you want, but we are not having more than one hundred and fifty people in this house on the day of the wedding. All right, let's start eliminating.
Nina: Okay. Jim Pepper and wife.
George: Oh, great. Start with one of my guys.
Nina: Fine! We'll start with one of mine. I'll cut Steve and Stephanie Turell. They're very good clients of mine...
George: Say no more, they're history.
Nina: All right. Jim Pepper and wife.
George: I've known the guy for twenty years.
Nina: You haven't seen him in fifteen, George.
George: All right. I'll say I lost his address. Now here's somebody. Your cousin Betsy. The poet/waitress/picture framer.
Nina: We can't cut family. They know about the wedding.
Matt: I only invited one person: Cameron. Mom said I could have a friend there.
George: For two hundred and fifty bucks you can see Cameron after the wedding. All right, very good. Five down. We're rolling.
Nina: All right, what about Harry Kirby? We haven't seen him in ages.
George: I don't know.
Annie: Didn't Harry Kirby die last year?
George: Yes! Good! Oh, well...sorry.
Matt: Who's Frank Eglehoffer?
George: What?
Nina: He's coordinating the wedding and then we're not going to invite him?
George: Exactly! Do you think I'm going to pay a guy fifteen-percent, plus an hourly, plus an additional five hundred dollars to feed him and that assistant of his? Have you lost your mind?
Matt: Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?
George: You know, that's not a bad idea. Who else can we ask not to eat? My parents...your mother.
Annie: Why don't we just charge people? That way we can make money on the wedding! [storms out]
Nina: Annie? Annie...
George: I was kidding.
View Quote George: My first move was to get the old tuxedo out of mothballs. [loking in mirror] Hey, lookin' good, my man! Git down! Hey! [singing] What's new pussycat...whoa-a-whoa-whoa...What's new pussycat...whoa-a-whoa-whoa...
Nina: George? Annie, he's up here!
George: Hey...Pussycat, pussycat, I love you...Indeed I do...Yes I do! Hey, what do you think? Bought it in '75 and it still fits.
Annie: Like a glove.
Nina:'s just a...way to go. Maybe...maybe you could get a new tux. We're all wearing new clothes and...
George: What? Don't you think I look cute? I mean, there will be a lot of single gals there.
View Quote Franck: Now, Mr. Banks, please, about the seafood. Hanck wants to know if it's okay or not to cook.
George: No Franck. Tell Hanck it's not okay. If I have to move out all the furniture and add amps and repaint the walls and get a new tux and pay for swans, then I'd like the cheaper chicken. Is that clear?
Franck: I understood the "cheaper" part. [Franck talks to Hank] Well, that's it. Hank says he will think about this. Now, we do not want to lose him. He is a genius and we need his mind, okay? So, I'll see what I can do. Hank? Hank?
Howard: I see you're starting to lose it, but I have one more question, very simple, about the parking attendants. Four is comfortable, three is acceptable, anything less absolutely terrifies me.
George: Two.
Howard: Two.
View Quote Stock boy: Excuse me, sir, but what are you doing?
George: I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns.
Stock boy: I'm sorry, sir. But you're going to have to pay for all twelve buns. They're not marked individually.
George: Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for everything they don't need rather than make a stink!
Manager: Get me security.
George: Well, they're not ripping off this nit-wit anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need! George Banks is saying no!
Stock boy: Who's George Banks?
George: Me!
Manager: Why don't we just calm down now, sir.
George: I'll tell you why "we" don't calm down, because you're not excited! It takes two people for a "we" to calm down, doesn't it?
Manager: Uh, that I don't know, sir. I'm just the assistant manager of a supermarket. But I'll tell you this. If you don't pipe down and pay for those buns, I'm going to call the police.
George: Oh...right! Yeah! Uh-huh. Yeah. Right!
View Quote Nina: Ah! I'm going to have to ask you not to talk or I'll have to call Officer whatshisname over there. You've been more than I can handle, George. Annie's wedding is not a conspiracy against you. It's just a wedding. People have them every day in every country in the world. I know it's going to be expensive. But, we don't go to Europe. We don't own fancy cars. I don't own expensive jewelry, so we can afford to have a big wedding.
George: Nina...
Nina: I'll get you out of here on one condition, Banks. That you'll agree to the following. Now repeat after me. "I, George Stanley Banks..."
George: I, George Stanley Banks...
Nina: "...promise to pull it together and act my age."
George: ...promise to pull it together and act my age.
Nina: "I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, unbuttoning my top collar button..."
George: I don't unbutton my top collar...
Nina: Oh, yeah? No...You mean, like this bit?
George: ...stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, and unbuttoning my top collar button.
Nina: "I will stop making faces in general and I will definitely stop telling everybody how much this wedding is costing."
George: I don't tell everyone how much it costs!
Nina: He told you, right?
Officer: Two hundred and fifty a head?
George: Oh, well, thanks!
Nina: "I will try to remember my daughter's feelings and how with every roll of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness."
George: I love you, Nina.
Nina: Just repeat the last part for me, George.
George: I will try to remember my daughter's feelings and how with every roll of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.
Nina: I love you, too. Let's go home.
View Quote Annie: I'm sorry, Dad. But I'm not going to marry Brian.
George: Okay. Okay. Whatever you want is okay with us.
Annie: I feel so awful after everything you guys have done. Now I have to undo it all.
George: Don't worry about it. These things get canceled all the time. Your mother and I can take care of everything. What happened? Another girl?
Annie: Oh, look at your shirt.
George: Don't worry.
Annie: No, it wasn't anything like that. It started out as nothing really. He gave me a present. It's our eight month anniversary today and he gave me...just look! He said it was for me. For our apartment. Just look.
George: It's a blender.
Annie: Yeah. Exactly. I mean, I didn't want to act thrown or anything, but inside I was. I mean, I thought something for the apartment...maybe a new clock, or a cool phone, or a great art book, or something...but a blender? I mean, what is this? 1958? Give the little wife a blender? I mean, it scared me, you know? In terms of his expectations. I started to freak out and he asked me what was wrong and I asked him what a gift like this is supposed to be telling me and he said nothing and I didn't believe him and we got into this big fight. And he said I was overreacting. And I said why would I overreact? Nobody in my family overreacts. And then, he came up with this totally absurd story, this completely outrageous lie and I'm looking at him and I'm thinking, this man's a liar!
George: What did he lie about?
Annie: Oh, actually it was something about you.
George: Me?
Annie: He said the day that you and Mom went to go visit his folks...this is so ridiculous! He said that you were snooping around his dad's desk and you somehow found his dad's bankbook...Oh no! First he said you broke some mirror in their bathroom. And then you found his dad's bankbook and you somehow threw it in their pool. I mean, it's too ridiculous. The man lies!
View Quote George: [voiceover] Not only was I not getting rid of the kid, I now found myself talking him into staying. [to Brian] You know, Brian...Annie is a very passionate person and passionate people tend to overreact at times. Annie comes from a long line of major overreactors. Me. I can definitely lose it. My mother...a nut. My grandfather...stories about him are legendary. The good news, however, is that this overreacting tends to get proportionately less by generation, so your kids could be normal. [voiceover] As if that wasn't enough, I went on! [to Brian] But on the upside, with this passion comes great spirit and individuality which is probably one of the reasons you love Annie.
Brian: That's what I love most about her.
George: [voiceover] That's when it hit me like a Mac truck. Annie was just like me, and Brian was just like Nina. They were a perfect match.
View Quote George: Matty. I'm sorry if I've been preoccupied lately with this wedding.
Matt: It's okay.
George: Yeah, but I have, haven't I?
Matt: It's all right. I understand.
George: Yeah, but ...
Matt: Yeah, you have. But I haven't felt ignored or anything. Don't worry, Dad. No permanent damage done.
George: Well, good.
View Quote Annie: Did I wake you?
George: No, I was up. So what are you doing?
Annie: I couldn't sleep. I just kept thinking about how this was my last night in my my house...kinda like my last night as a kid. I mean, I've lived here since I was five and I feel like I'm supposed to turn in my key tomorrow. It was so strange packing up my room. You know how you have always trained me never to throw anything away. So like I have all these ratty stuffed animals and old retainer...all my old magic tricks. And I actually packed it all. I just didn't want to let it go. I mean, I know I can't stay, but it's like I don't want to leave.
George: Well, that's the thing about uh, the surprises. The little things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you. Still happens to me.
[It starts snowing]
Annie: Yikes. What is this?
George: I don't believe it.
Annie: Oh my God. Talk about surprises.
George: It hasn't snowed in L.A. since I was nine.
Annie: Mom's gonna die. What? What is that face?
George: No. Nothing. I was just thinking.
Annie: Oh, this is going to end up costing you more money.
George: No. How I know I'll remember this moment for the rest of my life.
View Quote Franck: Oh oh. I bring the wrong color thread. I assumed you'd be wearing a black tuxedo.
George: It is a block tuxedo.
Franck: I don't think so, babe. This tux is navy blue!
George: What are you talking about? Armani doesn't make a blue tuxedo.
Franck: Armani don't also make polyester.
View Quote George: [voiceover] All I could think of was the part I had to play. Then suddenly I went blank. I had one line and I couldn't remember it. When the Reverend said, "Who presents this woman?" was I supposed to say, "That's me" or was it "I do"? I couldn't think. I felt every eye in place boring into the back of my neck, waiting for me to screw up, when suddenly, it was upon me.
Reverend: Who presents this woman in holy matrimony?
George: I do. [voiceover] Who presents this woman? This "woman." But she's not a woman, she's just a kid. And she's leaving us...I realized at that moment that I was never going to come again and see Annie at the top of the stairs. Never going to see her again at our breakfast table in her nightgown and socks. I suddenly realized what was happening. Annie was all grown up and leaving us, and something inside began to hurt.
View Quote Cameron: By the way, great wedding, Mr. Banks. And don't worry. I didn't eat anything.
George: That makes two of us.
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