Richard Kempster JAN!!!!!!
3rd most-quoted character in Jungle 2 Jungle (1997): in 19 of its 63 quotes
Most scenes with: Michael Cromwell (13), Mimi Siku (5), Langston (3)
Now, this guy has a lot of money. He's the king of caviar, and he's gonna save our asses!
More lines from Richard Kempster
2 quotes Richard Kempster Richard Kempster I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot!
Scenes with Richard Kempster
16 scenes Richard [walking upstairs]
Ring twice, knock once, ring three times. Okay.
Richard So it is...
What, what?
Richard Ring twice.
Ring twice. [Michael rings doorbell] Got it, got it.
Richard Knock once. [knocks] And then you ring three times.
You sure it's three?
Richard Yes, it's definitely three times. [Michael rings doorbell]
Okay. [clears throat; nothing happens]
Richard Okay, so that's wrong. So we do, ring three times... [rings three times]
I'm not sure--
Richard Knock once, and ring twice.
No, it--
Richard Yeah.
Richard Uh-uh, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be good. [nothing happens]
That-that really worked great. I-I remember it differently now. I got what it is.
Richard All right, Mr. Wizard, take over.
Ring twice.
Richard Take over.
You knock once.
Richard And ring--
[stops Richard]
No-no-no, you do not, whatever you do, ring four times. [Holds up hand and indicates fingers to remind Richard of the man losing his fingers]
Trader 1
[Michael is in the open outcry floor of the Stock exchange]
10½!
Trader 2
9.25!
Trader 3
25! I'll take it!
How's July? July's how?
Trader 4
July's at 95¼.
Trader 4
"Moron"?! "Moron," this. At 95! At 95!
Richard [gets off the floor]
Keep your pencil to yourself!
94¾ bid, for 300.
Trader 4
Sold, 300!
Buy 300, yes!
Richard [to Trader 4]
300?! 300, you idiot?! [to another trader] Get out of my way! [following Michael] 300 lots of coffee futures? You call that a hunch?
No, Richard, I call that an opportunity.
Richard 300 lots, in this market, is not an opportunity, it's a death wish.
Oh, ye of little faith.
Richard No, no, no. Me of big mortgage.
Hi, Maddy. What've you got?
Maddy
American Airlines Flight 109 leaving J.F.K., 1:00 p.m., arriving Caracas at 6:22 p.m.
All right, all right.
Richard Aw, come on. You're not still leaving, are you? I mean, after what you did in there?
I'm getting married to Charlotte in 30 days. In order to do that, I need the divorce from Patricia.
Maddy
Toiletries, shirts, socks...
Richard I don't believe this. You're gonna leave me with 5,100 tons of coffee?
Richard, the only reason I put up with you for so long is because you're the best analyst on the Street.
Richard You know, you give me that same patronizing little speech every time you play one of your stupid hunches.
Yeah? And what happens?
Richard I'm hospitalized, and the blood pressure medication is adjusted.
Maddy
Laptop. Uplink. [Michael gets in taxi] You'll overnight in Caracas, then fly to Canaima the next morning where you'll be met.
Thanks. [to Richard] See ya in two days!
Richard [annoyed]
Unbelievable.
If Cromwell should bother to call, put him through to my office immediately! Has anybody seen that idiot Kempster around here?! Kempster!
Richard [hiding under desk]
Michael, you have got to get back here tomorrow. Langston is going insane. Where are you?
I'm staying in the middle of Nightmare on Bodega Street.
Richard If you don't get here, do I sell the coffee or do I hold it?
No, no, no, no. Do not sell the coffee till I give you the go-ahead. Call me on the uplink as soon as London opens, all right?
Richard All right. Okay.
Kempster!
Richard [Michael and Mimi are at the airport in New York City and Richard has spotted them]
Michael! Michael!
[introducing Mimi to the moving walkway for the first time]
All right, we gotta get movin' here pretty-- Get on there. It's just-- It's a moving sidewalk.
Richard [Walking alongside Michael and Mimi]
Michael! Hey, Mike! Michael, how ya doin'?
Richard, what are you doing here?
Richard I told Langston you had a reason. You do have a reason, right?
For what?
Richard For holding on to the beans.
What beans?
Richard The coffee beans.
You didn't sell them?
Richard No.
I told you to sell them at 97½!
Richard [stops in place and reels back with both hands on his head]
Oh, God, I'm dead! I'm gonna lose my house! Where will my children live?!
Richard-- Excuse me. Richard. Why didn't ya sell?
Richard 'Cause you didn't confirm, that's why!
What?!
Richard You did not confirm.
What's coffee doin' now?
Richard It's under 90 cents and gone limit down. [Michaels cringes in anger and stomps foot]
I asked you-- I told you to sell it at 97½, and you can't do it 'cause I didn't say "confirm"?! You're an idiot!
Richard Look, for 15 years, Michael, you say "sell," I say "confirm!" Sell, confirm. Sell, confirm. You confirm, and I sell. You didn't confirm, so I didn't sell! [to Mimi] Look, kid, I've given to the rain forest, okay?
His name is Mimi Siku. He's my son.
Richard What do you mean, "son"? You didn't have one when you left here three days ago.
Well, apparently, I did. He's Patricia's son. He's Patricia and my son.
Okay. [hands Mimi a magazine] Take a look at that. [puts up arms like a bodybuilder] Baboon must go fight the chief.
[speaking to Michael and Richard]
Look at this! Cromwell, look at this. Coffee is at 88, and it's dropping like a brick! By tomorrow morning, it could be 85 or lower.
Richard We'll just wait it out. Something'll happen. The market will turn around.
But what if it doesn't?
You remember what happened in '91?
Richard You can't always depend on a natural disaster.
It doesn't have to be a natural disaster. We can hope for an assassination.
Richard Oh, would you take it seriously for one minute?
Just a minute, I'm trying to lighten this guy up.
Stop it. Stop it! Now, come on. Behave yourselves here! Now something better happen fast, [Mimi Siku puts Matika on floor] or I'm gonna throw your butts out the window! What the hell do you hotshots think about when you make these deals? You seem to have forgotten, Cromwell, that you were investing the company's money. When you invest the company's money and win, the company's behind you. But when you screw up like this, [Michael put newspaper on Matika] you're both on the hook for any loss we take.
That would be over a million dollars.
Now, that's not my problem. And by the way, Cromwell, [Michael has realized Mimi's pet tarantula Matika is heading to Langston] when somebody is playing with millions of dollars of my money, I generally like them in the country. [Matika starts crawling up Langston's leg] This country!
Stop-- Stop yelling, please.
[oblivious to Matika]
This is still my office! I'll shout, I'll yell, I'll scream as much as I want! When I made you shareholders in this company, it was to share profits, not losses!
[stands up; shouting]
Not losses is right! We're not here to share losses! We're here to share profits! Profits! Profits! [sees Matika crawling towards him] Huh? [pointing to window] Look up! It's an alien circle with Mickey Rourke's picture in it. Look, look, look, look, look! Up, up! Look! Look up! Look up!
Richard He just found out that he has a son.
Look, look, look, look, look!
Stop shouting, Baboon. Matika kill chief.
[receptionist looks at Michael looking confused]
Catch the damn spider, will you, please? [Mimi does so] Thank you. I-I-- I said I was gonna go fight the chief, not kill the chief. Around here, only... postal employees kill chief. Do you understand? [walks back in office] Boy, whatever you do in Venezuela, do not try the chili del fuego.
[Michael is sitting in his vehicle with Richard and Mimi who spots a fly]
And I say we should just wait it out.
Richard You're insane. Langston is right. We have to find a buyer for the coffee, cut our losses and get out now. [Mimi uses blowdart to kill a fly] Wow! Nice shot.
[hands back dart to Mimi]
Put this away. Would you give me a few moments with Charlotte before you bring Mimi up, okay?
Richard All right.
Richard So, Mimi, how old are you?
The roots of the Yomano tree have broken ground three times in my life.
Richard So, I guess that would make you around--
13.
Richard 13. 13. You know, I have a daughter around that age. Karen.
Will I meet daughter?
Richard Yeah, yeah. She's just up at Charlotte's now. She's trying on her dress for the wedding. [Mimi is mingling with clam basket] What are you doing?
Feed Matika.
Richard What's Matika? [Mimi turns clam basket showing Richard Matika and Richard slams his face against window screaming in alarm]
Richard [on phone; laughing]
Oh, that's very good. Very-- [to Michael] Bob Montgomery. [to Bob Motgomery] That's wonderful. Listen. So, Bob, I'm standing with Michael Cromwell, and, you know, considering our long history together, you're the first person we wanna make this offer to. Are you ready? 5,100 tons of coffee beans. [Bob Motgomery guffaws and hangs up on Richard as Mimi walks on the exterier ledge of window] We're dead. Okay?
Louis
[sees Mimi]
Ah!
Baboon!
Louis
He's doing a Fay Wray! [he faints]
Richard Michael! Mumu!
Mimi! Come back inside!
Statue of Liberty, Baboon.
You do as I tell you.
Get this!
Come look!
No, no, no! Come back here! Mimi, Get back in here.
Cool.
Move. Get outta my way. Come on. Mimi! Watch out, watch out, watch out. Mimi! Mimi!
Get the wide-angle lens!
Get out of the way, please! Mimi! Wait, wait, wait! [starts walking out of window]
[Looking out window]
You know, it's got to be 15 years since I really stopped to looked at that statue.
Richard [on phone]
Yes. Uh-huh. 11:00. We'll be there. Okay. What? Oh. Hung up. I found us a buyer.
I should take some pictures of Mimi.
Richard You can never have enough pictures of your kids. We have, like, 400 albums. I've never looked at them, but they exist. It's good. Come on. Let's go.
Maddy
Michael, you have a call.
Richard I told you to hold all calls.
Maddy
Richard, it's the police.
We'll manage to survive this, okay?
Richard Yeah, but it's easy for you to say. I got kids to feed.
So do I.
Richard Yeah, but mine want Nike and Nintendo. Your's wants blowguns and Meow Mix.
[reaches into sturgeon fish for roe and offers it to Michael and Richard]
Beluga. Best caviar in whole world.
Oh, yes, yes. Bar none.
Richard Delicious.
The best.
Richard Very good.
Taste.
No, not without toast points. Gotta have toast points.
Richard Tempting.
Capers.
Richard Tempting.
Taste!
Richard Uh-huh.
All right. Look at that, right out of the fish.
Both
[putting the roe into their mouths]
Mmm!
Mmm.
Richard Mmm.
Boy, it's so fishy.
Richard Very fishy. E-- Eggy fishy. [Jovanovic turns his back, speaks Russian, and they both spit out the roe]
Morrison tell me coffee now below 70, no?
Richard We were as shocked as you are.
Morrison [Jovanovic puts arm on him, while injured]
Ow.
Much lower than 75.
We think it was wrong to sell you the coffee futures. We want to buy them back.
How much?
The same. $1,000,000.
You lose money?
Richard Oh. Don't worry about that. We value your friendship is what it is.
And our fingers.
Richard [he and Michael laugh]
Very good.
I do not know.
Richard What's not to know? You're cleaning up here.
You are shrewd men.
No, no, no, no. Believe me, shrewdness is not in the picture.
Richard [walking quickly after Michael, as Michael starts his car]
I told you. Time heals everything. It just-- [tries opening Michael's car door] Oh, the door's locked. Well, that's a statement, I guess. Okay, so... [knocks of Michael's car window] ...I'll keep these certificates at my house and-- [Michael leaves] Don't worry about me. I'm sure there's a train I can take. It's not like it's a dangerous neighborhood or anything. [the fish plant staff/mafia enforcers observe him] Hi. How ya doing?
Richard [at the Kempster household]
Mmm. [lies down, but notices his aquarium is empty; shocked and angry] JAN!
[Richard is sitting on chair with his family sitting on the couch]
Give me coffee certificates.
Richard You don't think I would keep certificates around my house?
Richard Ow. Ow. Ow.
Andrew
Dad keeps everything in the bookcase...
Richard Andrew-- [Jovanovic still holds Richard's hair] Ow.
Andrew
...behind the (Holy) Bible and Judith Krantz.
Thank you, Andrew. [rummages through Richard's bookshelf] Oh. Scruples. Could not put it down. [finds coffee certificates] Oh!
Richard All right, so, uh, you have your certificates. And I would appreciate it if you would just take them and leave my house.
Sit.
Richard Sure.
First, I teach never to make fool of Jovanovic again. Rope him down.
Richard "Rope him down"?
What? What?
Richard Karen, time to come inside, baby!
I want you to have this. [Karen takes gift and kisses Mimi's cheek]
Richard Well, Mimi, here's all your stuff. Better get going, huh? Your dad's waiting. [Michael and Mimi are about to leave] Bye, Michael. Bye, Mimi.
Come on. I'm gonna take you someplace.
[at Trading Floor of the World Trade Center]
Oh, look at those prices! Boys, we're gonna clean up. [Michael sees fly buzzing] Did I ever tell you about cocoa in '73?
Richard Many times.
There I was, with 800 lots of cocoa, back in the days before "greed" became a dirty word. Now, I don't have to explain that to you, my boy. You're a professional. But that Cromwell, he's a disaster waiting to happen. I don't know what's going on with him. Between me and you, Cromwell has become a colossal pain in the-- [Michael shoots sleeping dart through crowd and nails fly on Langston's back] Ooh! [Langston collapses and falls asleep]
Richard Uh, George? Uh, get him something. Michael! Where you goin'?
