Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Debbie
Doorman
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Jason
Jay
Jonah
Martin
Pete

View Quote I'm not having SHIT right now besides a ****ing panic attack!

View Quote Debbie: We have to help them raise the baby.
Pete: Well...****!!

View Quote Martin: Do you ever get so bored you stare at your balls?
Jonah: I bet you do late John Lennon.

View Quote **** me in the beard.

View Quote You went to Santa Monica Community College.

View Quote Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

View Quote [sobbing and thinking about the babysitter] She is such a prissy little high school cu... ****!

View Quote (In Alison's bed) **** off, Martin!

View Quote [looking at the fleshofthestars website] He misspelled "coming." Oh that's gross!

View Quote You are a funny mother****er man. Jesus, how can you fight with him? Look at his face, I just want to kiss it.

View Quote I'll see you later. (to Alison at the first bar encounter) No I won't, 'cause I'm a pussy.

View Quote I think it's Matisyahu.

View Quote Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?

View Quote [to Ben and Pete at dinner] Hey, I have a really good idea. Why don't the two of you get into your time machine, go back in time and **** each other?!

View Quote No pink eye for me. I'm just really high!