Elf 2003 quotes, page 4

57 quotes · 12 characters
Elf (2003) poster
Characters
Buddy Will Ferrell · 41 quotes
Walter James Caan · 20 quotes
Papa Elf Bob Newhart · 8 quotes
Jovie Zooey Deschanel · 7 quotes
Michael Daniel Tay · 7 quotes
Emily Mary Steenburgen · 6 quotes
Eugene Kyle Gass · 5 quotes
Morris Andy Richter · 4 quotes
Gimbel's Manager Faizon Love · 3 quotes
Santa Ed Asner · 3 quotes
Teacher elf Richard Side · 1 quote

Most scenes together: Buddy & Walter (11), Buddy & Papa Elf (6), Buddy & Jovie (6)

Elf quotes

Page 4 of 4
[Physician comes in examination room]

So?

Physician

It's a boy. Buddy is your son.

That's very impossible. You saw that guy out there. He's certifiably insane.

Physician

He's probably just reverting to a state of childlike dependency.

An elf?

Physician

What he needs is to be nurtured.

Oh, I see. So, you'd like me to breastfeed him?

Physician

Walter, just bring him home, introduce him to Emily and Michael, and once he comes to terms with reality, he should drop the whole elf thing and move on with his life. I mean, that's what I would do if I were you.

Nun
[Scene of Walter Hobbs in his office with a nun]

You're taking the books back?

See, I... I see what you're trying to do here. You're trying to make me feel bad, when, in actuality, you're the one that missed the payments.

Nun

But the children love the books.

I know that, uh... you know, I'm the one that ran the focus groups, but I like hearing that.

[Walter and Emily step out of the elevator of Walter's residence building and walk down the hallway to his apartment]

Oh, my God! Walter, this is... this is wonderful, you... you have another son. Wonderful. Oh, gosh, I... I guess I never really thought of it that way. This is incredible, I... you know, it's a little complicated, But it's nothing that we can't handle.

Honey?

What?

He thinks he's an elf.

I'm sorry, what?

He think he's a Christmas elf.

Oh, come on, Walter, I'm sure he doesn't actually think he's an elf.

And then, I traveled through the 7 levels of the candy cane forest, past the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops, and then, I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel. [Ṗroċeeds to then down an entire 2-litter bottle of Coca-Cola in one sịppịṅg]

Ahh. So, where were you for the last 30 years?

The North Pole. Can you pass the maple syrup? Please?

I... I didn't put... it's spaghetti.

Oh, you know what? I think I have some. [Reaches into his sleave and miraculously produces a mini bottle of maple syrup] Yes.

You sure like sugar, huh?

Is there sugar in syrup?

Yes.

Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.

So, would you be staying with us then?

You mean I can stay?

Of course you can.

Emily.

How... how long do you think you'll be with us?

I... I hadn't really planned it out, but I was thinking, like... forever.

Emily? Can I just speak to you for a minute in the, uh, kitchen, please? [In the kitchen to Emily] Are you crazy? He cannot stay here.

Clearly, he has some serious issues. We can't just throw him out in the snow.

Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.

Walter, he's your son.

[Buddy lets out a long belch]

Did you hear that?

[Dismissively]

You are so weird.

[Walter arrives at the police station and Buddy meets him']

Dad! I knew that you'd come, I love you for coming. Officer Tom, this is my Dad. This is Walter... he came. He bailed me out. They gave me one phone call. [repeats] And I said," I know who I'm gonna call... Walter Hobbs. And sure enough, you showed up. You did, they said you weren't gonna show up. They told me so many times...

Shh. Just who the heck are you, and what is your problem?

I'm Buddy. I'm your son.

Wait, um... Tell me, tell me, tell me, uh... Where did you get this picture?

Papa Elf gave it to me.

[Grabs Buddy and violently pins him to the wall]

Listen... is this some kind a game? What do you want, some money?

No! I just wanted to meet you, And I thought you might wanna meet me.

Who wouldn't wanna meet you?

I thought maybe we could make gingerbread houses, eat cookie dough, go ice skating, and... and maybe even hold hands.

Uh-huh. Come with me.

Okay.

[Walter is eating dinner with Emily and Michael]

Hey, uh... I'm gonna eat in the bedroom, okay? I, uh, I got a bunch of stuff to go over.

Are you sure?

I'm... I'm just way behind on a bunch of stuff.

Okay.

Can I eat in my room?

No.

Why not? Dad's eating in his room. [Mimics father's voice] I got a bunch of homework to go over, and I'm way behind on a bunch of stuff.

You're eating here.

[Walter, Morris and Eugene are conference calling Miles Finch]

My favorite book of yours has gotta be Gus' pickles. It's existential, yet it's so accessible.

Uh, Mr. Finch, uh, Eugene Dupris here. It's a thrill just to be talking to you on our speakerphone.

Miles, um, so, what do you think? Can you fly in tomorrow?

Miles

I'll give you five hours tomorrow, not a minute more.

Oh, that's... that's great.

Miles

I'd like a black s500 to receive me at the airport. I need the interior of that car to be 71 degrees exactly.

We can do that.

Deborah

Mr. Hobbs? There's a situation downstairs.

Miles

I'm sorry, what?

No, hold on, Miles. Deb, hang up.

Miles

I do not hold. Do not put me on hold.

Deborah

We have a problem in the mailroom.

What's going on? Don't speak... Deborah, hang up!

Miles

That's it, I'm gone.

Miles!

Finch

I'll be there tomorrow... 71 degrees.

Deborah

Sir, Chuck in the mailroom needs to talk to you.

Chuck... what, Chuck? I mean, what could be going on down there that's so important you had to interrupt me, what?

Before we learn how to build the latest in extreme graphic chipset processors, let's recite the "Code of the Elves," shall we? Number one; "Treat every day like Christmas." Number two; "There's room for everyone on the nice list." Number three; "The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear."

I then proceeded to tell Buddy of how his father had fallen in love when he was very young with a beautiful girl named Susan Wells, and how Buddy was born and put up for adoption by his mother, and how she had later passed away. I... I told him his father had never even known that Buddy was born, and most importantly, I told him where his father was... uh, in a magical land called New York City.

Though your nose get a little chilling Buddy... We'll frolic and play buddy... buddy... the Eskimo way, walking in a winter wonderland, in the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say, are you married, we'll say no, man. But you can do the job when you in town, brother. Later on, we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire to face unafraid the plans That we made (walking in a winter wonderland x2) I really can't stay. But, baby, it's cold outside, I've got to go 'way, but, baby, it's cold outside. This evening has been been hoping that you'd drop in, so very nice. I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice. My mother will start to worry beautiful, what's your hurry? And father will be pacing the floor. Listen to that fireplace roar, so, really, I'd better scurry. Beautiful, please don't hurry. Well, maybe just a half a drink more. Put some records on while I pour. The neighbors might think. Baby, it's bad out there. Say, what's in this drink? No cabs to be had out there. I wish I knew how your eyes are like starlight now. To break the spell. I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell. I ought to say no, no, no, sir. Mind if I move in closer? At least I'm gonna say that I tried. What's the sense of hurting my pride? I really can't stay, baby, don't hold out. Ah, but it's cold outside. I simply must go, but, baby, it's cold outside. The answer is no, but, baby, it's cold outside. This welcome has been, I'm lucky that you dropped in, so nice and warm. Look out the window at that storm, my sister will be suspicious. Gosh, your lips look delicious, my brother will be there at the door. Waves upon tropical shore, my maiden aunt's mind is vicious. Oh, your lips look delicious. Well, maybe just a cigarette more, never such a pleasure before. I've got to get home, but, baby, you'll freeze out there. Say, lend me your comb, it's up to your knees out there. You've really been grand. I thrill when you touch my hand, but don't you see. How can you do this thing to me? There's bound to be talk tomorrow. Think of my lifelong sorrow. At least there will be plenty implied. If you caught pneumonia and died. I really can't stay. Get rid of that hold out. Ah, but it's cold outside

[After Ḅuddy does an all-nighter of hyper decorating the store, he hears Jovie singing "Baby, It's Cold Outside" in the staff room shower, walks in and sits on the sink shelf and sings along]

I really can't stay, I've got to go 'way, this evening has been, so very nice, my mother will start to worry, and father will be pacing' the floor, So, really, I'd better scurry, well, may be just a half a drink more, the neighbors might think baby, it's bad out there, say, what's in this drink? No cabs to be had out there I wish I knew how to break the spell, I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell, I ought to say no, no, no, sir, mind if I move in closer? At least I'm gonna say that I tried, what's the sense of hurting? my pride? I really can't stay, ah, but it's cold outside baby, it's cold outside! [Buddy sustains a note and Jovie realizes the presence of Buddy in the room and turns the water off] Get out! Don't look at me! Get out! [Buddy covers his eyes and runs into a locker and knocks himself out]

[Walking in a park and comes across a raccoon]

Hey! What's your name? My name's Buddy. [Raccoon hisses] Oh...! Does someone need a hug? [He leans in and raccoon leaps onto his neck knocking him to the ground ferociously attacking] Aah, aah! That's not cool! I just wanted a hug!

[Walks by coffee shop in New York and notices sign saying "WORLD"S BEST CUP OF COFFEE" and then bursts into the shop]

You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to meet you! [The shop staff and patrons just stare indifferently]