Buddy, are you okay?
I'm sorry, Papa. I just need some alone time.
Buddy, I... I think we... we have to talk. Buddy, uh, I think there's something I... I probably should tell you. You probably should have found out a long... A long time ago.
Buddy
Will Ferrell · 41 quotes
Walter
James Caan · 20 quotes
Papa Elf
Bob Newhart · 8 quotes
Jovie
Zooey Deschanel · 7 quotes
Michael
Daniel Tay · 7 quotes
Emily
Mary Steenburgen · 6 quotes
Eugene
Kyle Gass · 5 quotes
Morris
Andy Richter · 4 quotes
Gimbel's Manager
Faizon Love · 3 quotes
Santa
Ed Asner · 3 quotes
Secretary Deb
Amy Sedaris · 3 quotes
Teacher elf
Richard Side · 1 quote
Most scenes together: Buddy & Walter (11), Buddy & Papa Elf (6), Buddy & Jovie (6)
Elf quotes
Page 3 of 4Well, I think it's time you start your tinker training.
You're gonna help me make it fly.
I thought the magical reindeer made The sleighs fly.
And where do the reindeer get their magic from?
Christmas spirit. Everybody knows that.
Well, silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus.
What?! Well, who do they think puts all their toys under the tree?
Well, there's a rumor floating around that, uh, that the parents do it.
That's... that's ridiculous. I mean, parents couldn't do that all in one night. What about Santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat them, too?
Yeah, I, uh, I... I know, uh, and every year less and less people believe in Santa Claus. I mean, we have a real energy crisis on our hands.
Oh.
I mean, just see how low the, uh Claus meter is.
That's shocking.
That's why I came up with this little beauty in the '60s. [Turns over sleigh engine]
Wh- what is it?
It's a Kringle 3000... A 500-reindeer power jet turbine engine. Without it, the sleigh couldn't get more than, uh, a few feet off the ground. Well, it looks like we got a short in the thermo coupler. You wanna give me a hand with that? You want me to help?
Physician
[Walks into examination room of medical clinic]
Okay. What have we got here?
[Buddy then pops two cotton balls in his mouth and ingests them with Walter observing]
Buddy, don't eat those. [Grabs Buddy's hand on third reach, and Buddy reveals the cotton balls in other hand in a magician's trick]
Physician
We got to really hurry up, Walter, because I'm double-booked for the rest of the afternoon.
Am I sick?
Yeah, but that's not why we're here. We're here to do a test, come on.
What kind of test?
It's just a test to find out if you're my son or not.
Why am I sitting on paper?
Physician
Because it's sanitary for the other patients. Now, would you sit still so I can do the finger prick?
Physician
Yeah, just please sit still, please?
Okay, can I listen to your necklace?
Physician
No, you can't.
Will you just sit still...?
Why is there a skeleton over there?
Physician
I don't know. Walter, could you please...?
If I squint, it looks like a pirate flag.
Physician
Could you please have him sit still?
Does he have a name?
No, he hasn't got a name. I'm sorry, Ben. I am sorry.
Physician
I have a lot of sick patients waiting.
Would you please hold still? Please.
He got mad at me.
Yes, he did. He did. The sooner you sit still, the sooner we can get this mess over with.
Okay. Then can we eat sugar plums?
You betcha. We'll eat sugar plums, make gingerbread houses, and we'll even paint eggs.
Well, painting eggs, that's Easter. [The doctor pricks his finger] Ow!
Rap song lyrics
Whoomp, there it is! A little louder, whoomp, there it is! Come on, y'all, whoomp! There it is upside down and inside out, hey! I'm 'bout to show all you folks, what it's all about, hey! Time for me to get on the mike! And make this mother of a party hype, I'm taking you back to the old school, 'cause I'm an old fool who's so cool, if you wanna get down, I'm gonna show you the way! Whoomp, there it is, let me hear you say, Whoomp, there it is! Come on, y'all! Whoomp! There it is a little louder! Whoomp, there it is! Come on, y'all! Whoomp, there it is!
Listen, some people, they just lose sight of what's important in life. That doesn't mean they can't find their way again, huh? Maybe all they need is just a little Christmas spirit.
I know you are.
[Papa Elf hands Buddy a snowglobe of Empire State Building, representing Walter's office location]
And I'll... I'll always, uh, I'll always be here for you. Now, uh... Go... uh, get.
Bye, guys.
Arctic Puffin
Bye, buddy. Take care.
Uh, Greenway's coming in tomorrow, So, what... what do we got?
Well, Morris and I have been brainstorming, and we've come up with what I think is a pretty big idea.
Great, what?
You're gonna love it, it's fantastic.
What?
Okay, picture this... We bring in Miles Finch.
The Miles Finch?
The Golden Ghost. We bring him in! He's written more classics than Dr. Seuss. It ain't gonna be easy, But I think it's worth a shot.
My two top writers, my crack team, my fun squad... you came in here pitching me, the idea of hiring another writer?
Yeah.
Miles Finch. I like it. [Chuckles] I like it.
Client
Two whole pages are missing. The story doesn't make any sense.
What, you think some kid's gonna notice two pages? I mean, they... all they do is look at pictures.
[First lines]
Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here. About the, uh, the story. Elves love to tell stories. I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things You... you didn't know about elves. Another... another interesting, uh, elf-ism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night, while, you know, while the old... the old cobbler sleeps.
Shoe elf
Lazy bum. Couldn't even make a clog.
Elf
Hey!
As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season.
Baker elf
[Scene of elves fleeing an oak tree going up in flames]
I wanna make shoes!
But the third job... [scene cuts to the workshop scene] uh, some call it, uh, "The show," or... or "the big dance," it's the profession that every elf aspires to, and that is to build toys in Santa's workshop.
Supervisor Elf
Only two weeks left till Christmas!
It's a job only an elf can do. Our... our nimble fingers, natural cheer, and active minds are perfect for toy-building. They... they tried using gnomes and trolls, But the gnomes drank too much... [scene of gnome belches] and the trolls weren't toilet trained. [Troll in diaper farts] No human being has ever set... set foot in Santa's workshop. Uh, that is until about 30 years ago, and, as you may have guessed, that's where our story begins.
[Buddy and Michael are hoisting up a pine tree in the family apartment]
What should we put on it first?
Lights!
Oh, good. And then, after that?
Ornaments!
Ornaments, okay.
What the hell's that?
A Christmas tree.
A Christmas tree?
Buddy chopped it down in the park.
Emily.
I don't know what you're making such a big deal about. They were just having a little fun.
Oh, fun? So felonies are fun now? I thought, see, felonies were felonies.
Okay, the tree thing was bad. I'll get him to plant another one. But at least Michael is happy for once.
What, uh, what's that supposed to mean?
Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter, that you haven't exactly been there for him.
I'll tell you what, why don't we just pull him outta school and let the, uh, deranged elf man raise him? Then they can have lots of fun committing felonies.
How are we gonna get the star on top?
I got it. [Buddy takes a running sprint, jumps on the couch, and grabs a hold of the tree, only for him to take the tree down along with him]
I mean, what are we gonna do? We can't... we can't leave him alone here. He's gonna destroy the place.
Why don't you, um... why don't you take off tomorrow? You know, and you could stay home and watch him?
Oh, no. No, I can't stay home tomorrow, I have a budget meeting tomorrow. Well, honey, I can't take off, I'm one... one bad pitch away from getting fired... one.
Well, I tell you what, I have an idea then. Why don't you take buddy to work with you?
[Buddy and Santa are conversing in the workshop with all the elves spectating]
So, I hear you're going on a little journey to the big city.
Yup. Ahh. I'm kind a nervous. [Santa chuckles] Leon says New York is pretty different.
Oh, don't pay attention to Leon. He's never been anywhere. He doesn't have any feet. I've been to New York thousands of times.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
What's it like?
Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, Leave it there. It's not free candy.
Oh.
Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original, but the real one's on the 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that They're letting you look at presents before Christmas.
Can't wait to see my dad... we're gonna go ice skating and... and eat sugar plums.
Yeah, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. You know, Buddy... [sighs] your father... well... he's on the Naughty List.
[Face comes absolutely aghast]
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [Camera races to highlight of Walter Hobbs on the "naughty" page of Santa's book]
Francisco.
Francisco How's it going, Mr. Hobbs?
Ooh, Francisco, that's fun to say..." Francisco." Do you remember me?
I do. I didn't recognize you.
I know, I'm in work clothes. Thank you, Deborah. Deb, you have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.
You just made my day.
Mmm.
You don't have to drink that.
Thank you. [Buddy begins reading a book, while Walter continues to work] Francisco...Francisco...Francisco.
Buddy?
Just... just a little.
Sorry.
Why is your name on the desk?
I bought the desk. My name's there so no one steals it.
That's a joke, isn't it, Dad?
Yeah, Buddy, that's a joke.
So, what are we gonna build?
No, uh, we don't do that kind of work here, pal.
Put that down. [Answers phone] Hello? [To Buddy] Please, don't touch anything.
Sorry.
Hey... Bud, have you... have you... Have you ever seen a mailroom?
A mailroom? No.
No?
No.
Oh, I mean, wow. Wow... listen, it's a place where mail from all over the world comes, uh-huh. And they sort it out there, see? And you can touch it all, and they put it in these shiny bins.
Shiny bins?
Right. What do ya think?
It sounds great.
Good.
Can we go there?
Well, um... I gotta work here, maybe... maybe you can work there.
Okay, I'll work there.
[Buddy is walking through the mailroom with a supervisor]
Oh, I don't think this is the place my Dad was talking about. Is there a different mailroom?
Supervisor
No. This is the only one.
It's not very shiny.
Supervisor
Now... over here's the trench. All the mail comes out that shooter. Scan and find the floor each piece is moving to. Put it in a canister and shove it up the tube with the same number. You got that?
I think so. This place reminds me of Santa's workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms, and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.
What?
What?
I can't go to sleep unless I get tucked in.
I am not gonna tuck you in.
I... I promise I'll go right to sleep.
Fine.
Tickle fight, tickle fight!
Buddy, stop.
Tickle fight. Tickle...
Stop stop, stop.
Sorry.
It's all right. Hey, uh, [Clears throat] you just lay there and go to sleep.
Okay.
Okay.
Dad?
Hmm?
I love you.
Okay. Go to sleep now.
Arctic Puffin
[Buddy is running outside and passes 3 claymation figures, Arctic Puffin and two friends, a walrus and a polar bear]
Hey, buddy, wanna pick some snow berries?
Not now, Arctic Puffin.
Leon [Buddy comes up to a claymation snowman]
Hello, Buddy.
Oh... hi, Leon.
Leon Why the long face, partner?
It seems I'm... I'm not an elf.
Leon 'Course you're not. You're 6'3" and had a beard since you were 15.
Papa says my real father lives in a magical place far away. I don't know what to do.
Leon At least you have a daddy. I was just rolled up one day and left out here in the cold.
Thing is, I've never even left the North Pole.
Leon Buddy, I've been around the world many times when I was a young cumulonimbus cloud. It's a wonderful place, filled with wondrous creatures... Except dogs. Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow.
Oh, I know that.
Leon All I'm saying is this might be the golden opportunity to find out who you really are.
Department samplist administer
[Buddy is wandering around Gimbels department store]
Passion fruit spray?
Fruit spray? Sure. [He sprays it in his mouth and then starts crying in pain]
Department samplist ạdmịṇịster
Sorry.
[Buddy observes a sign of "For that special someone" and is holding a hanger of Christmas themed nightgown lingerie]
Gimbel's Manager: Psst! [Grunts and gestures to "come here"] Hey, come... come here!
[Mystified]
Me?
Gimbel's Manager: Yes! What are you doing down here?! You're not supposed to be down here! You can shop on your break, you don't... [grabs Buddy] come on, get upstairs!
Okay, I didn't know!
Gimbel's Manager: Well You should know!
Are you mad at me?
Gimbel's Manager: No.
Are you sure?
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, I'm sure! Just do your job!
Okay, fair enough.
No, it's not.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
No, it's not! Where's the snow? [smiles]
Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite.
Gimbel's Manager: [pause] Make work your favorite, okay?
Okay.
Gimbel's Manager: Work is your new favorite.
Fine.
Gimbel's Manager: It's time for an announcement. [To the employees] Okay, people! Tomorrow morning, 10 am, Santa's comin' to town!
SANTA! OH, MY GOD! [Excitedly, to the manager] Santa, here? I KNOW HIM!
Gimbel's Manager: He'll be here to take pictures with all of the children. 10 am tomorrow.
10 am tomorrow!
Gimbel's Manager: Santa's comin' to town.