[about his new "laser"]
You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star".
Scott Oh, nothing, Darth.
What did you call me?
Scott Nothing. [pretends to sneeze] Ripoff.
Bless you.
Tied for 5th most-quoted character in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999): in 6 of its 80 quotes
Most scenes with: Fat Bastard (5), Doctor Evil (5)
Scenes with Scott
6 scenes Scott Scott The key to this project is the giant laser, which was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. So therefore, it is fitting to call it: "The Alan Parsons Project".
Scott The Alan Parsons Project was a progressive rock band from 1982. Why don't you just name it Operation Wang Chung, ass?
Scott How could you do this to me? On national television?!
Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott.
Scott Why'd you run out on me?
Because you're not quite evil enough.
[audience starts "aw"ing] [to audience]
Well, it's true. [to Scott Evil] You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie. Not evil enough.
Man with white hood (Apparently a member of the Ku Klux Klan): What are you, some kinda freak?!
[audience laughing] :
Scott [stands up]
Shut up, you (bleep)!
OK, come on.
Man with white hood
[stands up, too]
I'll kick your (bleep), punk.
Scott Bring it on, you skanky (bleep)!
No one talks to my son like that. It's okay, Scott. (to man with white hood) You mother(bleep)! (stands up and attacks man with white hood)
(audience going crazy, as well as numerous bleeping, Jerry's bodyguards stopping the fighting people) :
Audience
(chant)
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Number Two
Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could make trillions.
(smug laugh to himself)
Why make trillions when we could make... (zoom up, play evil sound bite, and pause) Billions? (he happily grins)
Scott A trillion is more than a billion, numb-nuts.
All right, zip it.
Scott You- you can't even--
Zip it! Zi-i-ip.
Scott Look, all I'm-
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A.
Scott Number Two, would you please back me-
Look! I'm "Zippy" Longstocking!
Scott Argh, I can't--
(to Devo's "Whip It")
When a problem comes along, you must zip it! (imitates whip) Zip it good!
Scott Frau, would you please-
Scott I'm just trying to-
Zip! Would you like to have a suckle of my "zipple"?
Scott I want--
Sh!
Scott Stop.
(speaking gibberish)
Scott All you--
(speaking gibberish)
Scott You--
(speaking gibberish)
Scott You're like a child!
(speaking gibberish)
Scott Talk--
(speaking gibberish)
Scott If you just--
(speaking gibberish)
Scott Just--
(speaking gibberish)
Scott One time--
Zip it. Unveil the time portal.
Scott Mom?
Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil.
Scott I thought I was a test-tube baby.
Lies. ALL LIES!!!!
(Jerry Springer and the audience are shocked at said shout)
The key to this project is the giant laser, which was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. Therefore, we shall call it: "The Alan Parsons Project".
Scott [snickers]
"Oh my god".
What now?
Scott The Alan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. Why don't you just call it Operation Wang Chung, ass?
What...what should we...
Scott Nothing! I'm sure Operation Bananarama will be huge!
What're you saying?
