American Pie 1999 quotes, page 3

Steve Stifler

What did you **** do to him?

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher

You came to see me in action?

Jim

Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!

Steve Stifler

Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!

Dude, chick's a MILF!

What the hell is that?

M-I-L-F Mom I'd Like to ****!

Yeah dude! Yeah!

MILF, MILF, MILF! [MILF Guy #1 proceeds to lick picture]

Steve Stifler

Here's an idea: why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and **** use them!

I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

Jim

I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

Steve Stifler

I'll see you guys tonight, i'll look for you in the "No **** Section", right?

No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn’t getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And by God, we’re not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!

Steve Stifler

She called me and asked for my number.

Jim

She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Steve Stifler

Sherman! What the **** are you doing here?

Steve Stifler

Vicky. Jessica. [walking away] Bitches!

We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.

Steve Stifler

Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

Jim

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Well, they're safer than a tube sock...