Cindy's Dad What's going on in there? Ah, ow, ow, Daddy's head is stuck, unstick Daddy's head, ow...
Cindy Dad, can you knock?
Cindy's Dad Knock? I thought I heard screaming in here!
Cindy No, no, you didn't, Dad.
Cindy's Dad Oh, it must have been that crack I smoked earlier, I guess.
Cindy Yeah.
Cindy's Dad Look, I gotta leave town for a couple days, okay? No big deal, it's just that you know, that new business that I started with those plumbing guys.
Cindy Oh, you mean Uncle Escobar!
Cindy's Dad Yeah, yeah, that's right. Well, there's a problem, some money went missing and apparently some legs are gonna get broken, eh, it's just better if I lay low for a couple days. Now, if the cops raid the place...
Cindy I never heard of you.
Cindy's Dad And don't forget...
Cindy To flush your stash.
Cindy's Dad Oh, you are my little girl, I love you so much. And I left you a little something in the coffee can.
Cindy Dad...
Cindy's Dad But, remember you have to step on it before you sell it. Now what are you gonna cut it with?
Cindy Umm, baking...
Cindy's Dad Baking soda, not baking powder. 'Cause baking powder guys will have muffins growing out of their noses.
Cindy [giggles]
Dad...
Cindy's Dad You love that joke, honey. You've loved that joke since you were 2 years old. Okay, well...
Cindy Have a good trip.
Cindy's Dad Bye.
Cindy Bye.
Well, I'm much more of a people person. I'd rather feed all the hungry little children of the world and much rather help my fellow man than some animal.
HM Homeless Man
[A homeless man approaches.]
Spare a dollar?
Eww! Get away from me, you bum!
Cindy Buffy!? Can't you see that he's just hungry?
Cindy (Cindy gives the man a sandwich from her lunch bag.)
Here you go, sir. A nice sandwich.
HM Homeless Man
I said a dollar, bitch!
Cindy (The homeless man hits Cindy in the back of the head with the sandwich.)
Ow!
Cindy We have to call the police.
No way, I ain't goin' to jail!
Cindy We have to!
Hey, Cindy! Do you know what happens to young boys in prison?! All those sex starved convicts just waitin' for a fresh piece of meat?!
Hey, you're right, Cindy, maybe we should call the police.
Cindy Wait, shouldn't we check his wallet?
B Brenda
Shit, he might have some money. We already committed murder, we might as well rob his ass!
Good idea, I'll take credit cards!
B Brenda
I want the jewelry!
Cindy Um, you're, you're behind the couch...
What?! How do you know that?
Cindy I can um, see your feet.
Oh, ****! Okay, turn around, close your eyes, no peeking! (The Killer hides under the rug, but then gets up)
(Cindy turns around)
Hey, hey, hey! Turn around! No peeking!
(Cindy quickly turns back around) (hides behind the curtain with his hook hanging out)
Okay, now turn around. Now, do you know where I am? Ha ha ha, you don't, do you?
Cindy No, Mr. Killer, I don't know where you are...
I'll give you a big clue! (The Killer pops back out)
(Cindy screams and runs) (chases her and trips)
Oh, I gotta stop drinking.
Cindy Why are you doing this, Bobby?
Why?! WHY?! You hear that, Ray? I think she wants a motive. Did "Scream" have a plot?
Did "I Know What You Did Last Summer" make any sense? Don't think so! What the hell's with the sequel, huh? What the hell's with that fat, white Jamaican guy?
Ah, I want to kill that mother****er, man.
Cindy It's just bad casting, Bobby...
Cindy I thought you loved me.
Oh, I did, baby, I did. But being in abstinence makes you discover new things about yourself. That's right, Cindy, I'm gay. And in case you haven't noticed, so is Ray.
What are you talking about? You took me to that club.
So? They play good music.
What about our trip to San Francisco?
(on the verge of tears)
But... you made love to me.
First of all, you sucked my dick-
The point is, Cindy, that I'm a new man, and I'm ready to leave all this behind and start a new live.
Cindy So you killed all your friends?
Oh, no. Just you. And maybe Shorty, but that wasn't planned on anything. But here's the genius part. We're copycatting a serial killer that already exists. It's the perfect crime, Cindy.
But wait! There's more! Hang on to your seat, baby! 'Cause this one's a screamer!
[Ray backs out of the kitchen in a spooky way]
I'll be back.
[Ray comes back with Mr. Campbell tied up and gagged with his pants down]
Move your big ass! Come on!
Cindy Dad! (Ray shoves Mr. Campbell to the floor) What are you gonna to do? Frame him?
Nah. We're just havin' a little bit of fun with old daddio.
