Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Debbie
Doorman
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Jason
Jay
Jonah
Martin
Pete

View Quote You wanna know who I want to get pregnant? Felicity Huffman. Ever since I saw Transamerica, I can't get her out of my head.

View Quote You went to Santa Monica Community College.

View Quote Dude, it's not herpes if it's everywhere.

View Quote Thanks for the free money, bitch.

View Quote **** me in the beard.

View Quote No pink eye for me. I'm just really high!

View Quote Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out.

View Quote Martin: I think he's using the dice move a bit too much.
Jay: I think that's pretty much all he's got.

View Quote Debbie: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't the two of you go into your time machines and go back in time and **** each other?
Pete: Who needs a time machine?
Ben: [Holds up a glass of liquor] This is my time machine man.
Pete: I'm gonna throw you into my De Lorean, gun it to 88!

View Quote Alison: BOOBS! BOOBS and BUSH!
Ben: Alriiight, credit bush! That's the best, we're not even five minutes in.

View Quote Alison: What if this was our second date, what would we do?
Ben: BJ?

View Quote Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.
Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

View Quote Jay: You're embarrassing me in company!
Jonah: You embarrass yourself!

View Quote Ben: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison: And a little bit Spanish...?
Ben: Yeah, I'm not very good with impressions.

View Quote Alison: I'm sorry I told you to **** your bong.
Ben: It's okay... I didn't...