I wouldn't let you sleep in my room... if you were growing on my ass!
Kevin McCallister
Macaulay Culkin · 26 quotes
Kate McCallister
Catherine O'Hara · 13 quotes
Marv
Daniel Stern · 11 quotes
Buzz McCallister
Devin Ratray · 7 quotes
Jeff McCallister
Michael C. Maronna · 6 quotes
Peter
John Heard · 4 quotes
Megan
Hillary Wolf · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Marv & Harry (9), Kevin McCallister & Kate McCallister (5), Kevin McCallister & Jeff McCallister (5)
Home Alone quotes
Page 1 of 4
Frank McCallister Look what you did, you little jerk!
I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner.
Kevin, you're such a disease.
This is Christmas, the season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.
No, he's just home alone.
Linnie McCallister You're what the French call "les incomp?tents".
He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him.
[While in the van with Marv]
I don't get it. I mean right now it looks like there's nobody home. Last night, the place was jumping. Something ain't right. [To Marv] Go check it out.
[Long pause. Marv just nods. Harry looks at Marv in a stunned way while Marv looks over at Harry]
Now?
Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.
Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!
We're not gonna hurt you.
Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.
Be a good little fella now, and open the door. [Kevin shoots Harry in the groin; high-pitched] AHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO... [Fall to his knees, cursing]
What? What? What?! What happened?!
Get the little...!
Yes! Yes!
The little jerk is armed!
That's it! That's it! I'm going round the front, you go to the basement!
Remember the kid we saw the other day? He lives here.
Well, if the kid's there, his parents gotta be.
He's home alone.
What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again, didn't you? You left the water running, didn't you? What's wrong with you? Why did you that? I told you not to do it.
Harry, it's our calling card.
Calling card.
All the great ones leave their mark. We're the Wet Bandits.
Where did he go?
Maybe he committed suicide.
Over here you horse-ass. Come and get me before I call the cops.
Let's get him!
No, wait! That's just what he wants us to do. To back down through his fun house.
But he's gonna call the cops!
He's not gonna call the cops from a treehouse!
Johnny
[hears knock at door]
Who is it?
Snakes
[Snakes comes in]
It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
Johnny
Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!
Snakes
All right, Johnny, but what about my money?
Johnny
What money?
Snakes
Acey said you had some dough for me.
Johnny
That a fact? How much do I owe ya?
Snakes
Acey said 10%
Johnny
[smirks]
Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
Snakes
What do you mean?
Johnny
He's upstairs taking a bath, He'll call you when he gets out. Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. (pulls out tommy gun)I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead!
Snakes
[wide eyed and calm]
All right, Johnny, I'm sorry!, I'm going!
Johnny
1, 2, 10! [starts unloading bullets into Snakes while laughing maniacally]
Keep the change, ya filthy animal!
Johnny
Who is it?
Pizza Man
It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Johnny
Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!
Pizza Man
Okay, but what about the money?
Johnny
What money?
Pizza Man
Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Johnny
Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
Pizza Man
That'll be $11.80, sir. [Kevin drops $12 cash from the door hatch]
Johnny
Keep the change, ya filthy animal!
Pizza Man
Cheapskate.
Johnny
Hey, I'm going to give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!