Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie, but the big kids can. Why can't I?
Kevin, I'm on the phone. [on the phone] When do you come back? Not till then?
It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk.
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, then, it must be really bad. [on the phone] No, no one is bringing the dog, we're putting it in the kennel for the... Hey, get off! Kevin, out of the room.
Hang up the phone and make me, why don't ya?
Peter Hey, did you pick up a voltage adapter thing?
No, I didn't have time to do that.
Peter Then, how do I shave in France?
Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.
Peter I've got something, why don't you pick up those Micro-Machines that are in there. Aunt Leslie stepped on one and almost broke her neck.
He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun.
Peter Didn't we talk about that?
Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made ornaments out of fishhooks.
Peter My new fishhooks?
I can't make ornaments out of the old ones with dry worm guts stuck on them.
Peter Come on, Kevin. Out here.
[to Kevin]
What is the matter with you?!
He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I'd hate sausage, and olives, and onions, and...
UF Uncle Frank
[cutting him off]
Look what you did, you little jerk!
[Everyone goes quiet, looking at Kevin]
Kevin, get upstairs right now.
Kevin, you're such a disease.
Peter Kevin, upstairs!
[sarcastically]
"Good night, Kevin". Why do I always get treated like scum?
[to Pizza Boy]
Oh, I am sorry. This house is just crazy. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brother-in-law drove in from Ohio today. It's just nuts.
How come you didn't bring any more cheese pizzas?
PB Pizza Boy
Nice tip. Thanks a lot.
Having a reunion or something?
My husband's brother transferred to Paris last year. His kids are still there. He missed the family, so he invited us to Paris so we can be together.
You're taking a trip to Paris?
Yes, we hope to leave tomorrow morning.
If you'll excuse me, this one's a little out of sorts. I'll be right back.
Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband already. And don't worry about your home. It's in good hands.
[escorting Kevin to the attic after he caused trouble in the kitchen]
There are 15 people in this house. You're the only one who has to make trouble.
I'm the only one getting dumped on.
You're the only one actin' up. Now, get upstairs.
I am upstairs, dummy. Third floor?
Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.
I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it!
Fine. We'll put him someplace else.
It's a tad late. So, get upstairs.
Everyone in this family hates me.
Then, maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck!
Just stay up there. I don't wanna see you again for the rest of the night.
I don't wanna see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't wanna see anybody else, either.
[feeling hurt]
I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
Then, say it again. Maybe it'll happen.
I hope that I never see any of you jerks again! [runs upstairs in a huff, and Kate closes the door]
Peter What's the matter? Honey?
I have a terrible feeling.
Peter About what?
That we didn't do something.
Peter Oh, no, you feel that way because we left in such a hurry. We took care of everything. Believe me, we did.
Did I turn off the coffee?
Peter No, I did.
Peter Yeah.
Did you close the garage?
Peter That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it.
Peter What else could we be forgetting?
[after a brief long silence, she shocks and realizes that they’re actually forgetting one thing]
KEVIN!! [echoes]
