Joe Pesci movie quotes

View Quote (after seeing Kevin) Hey, look who it is, Marv. Let's get him. [To Kevin] Hiya, pal.

View Quote (after Marv gets 14 cents) That's very smart, Marv. We bust out of jail just to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus.

View Quote ergo what store going to make the most cash on Christmas eve that nobody going to think to rob

View Quote [Repeated line:] Okay! Okay, okay, okay.

View Quote I remember, because nine is my lucky number

View Quote [Rudd shoots Riggs, then holds his ID in front of his face]
Ambassador Arjen 'Aryan' Rudd: Diplomatic immunity
[Murtaugh shoots him through the ID/head]
Roger Murtaugh: It's just been revoked

View Quote [on the phone, not realizing it's his brother Jake who's called him] Salvy, this ain't funny anymore. Is it you? I know somebody's there. I can hear you breathin'. You listenin'? Your mother sucks ****in' big ****in' elephant dicks. You got that?

View Quote He gave you the old good news/bad news routine. The good news is - you're gonna get the shot at the title. And the bad news is - they want ya to do the old flip-flop for 'em.

View Quote What are ya thinkin' about? Ya keep lookin'. Where the **** you going? You're dead! You're married! You're a married man, it's all over. Leave the young girls for me.

View Quote Harry: What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again, didn't you? You left the water running, didn't you? What's wrong with you? Why did you that? I told you not to do it.
Marv: Harry, it's our calling card.
Harry: Calling card.
Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the Wet Bandits.

View Quote Marv: Hey, watch out!
Kevin: AAAAHHHHH!
[The truck stops]
Harry: Hey, hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son, you know.
Kevin McCallister: Sorry.
Marv: Santy don't visit funeral homes, little buddy.
Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas.

View Quote Harry: I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner.

View Quote Jimmy was a good man, you know? Nice family too, huh? I never wanted it to go that far. [pause] I picked us over him. **** 'em. **** 'em. **** 'em.

View Quote If they can whack a President, they can whack a president of a union. You know it and I know it.

View Quote It's at a point where your gonna have to talk to him and tell him, "It's what it is". It's what they want. It's where it's gotten.

View Quote Jim Garrison: Thank you for your time, David. I'm sorry this has to end inconveniently for you but I am going to have to detain you for further questioning by the FBI.
David Ferrie: Why, what's wrong?
Jim Garrison: David, I find your story simply not believable.
David Ferrie: Really? What part?

View Quote David Ferrie: Hey, Willie. I want you to meet Leon Oswald.
Willie O'Keefe: Hey, man! How you doin'?
Lee Harvey Oswald: What the ****'s he doin' here?
Willie O'Keefe: Well, **** you, mother****er!
David Ferrie: Leon's in a bad mood. Don't get excited.

View Quote Lou Ivon: I guarantee the boss will protect you. He likes you. He likes your mind.
David Ferrie: I just don't know who to trust anymore. I suppose I could use a pot of hot coffee and a few packs of Luckys. So, you got anything new in the investigation?
Jim Garrison: Who are you scared of?
David Ferrie: Everybody. The Agency, mob, Cubans. Follow the Cubans. Check them out. Here. In Miami. Dallas. Check out Eladio del Valle. He used to be my paymaster when I flew missions into Cuba. Somewhere in Miami, you're on the right track. Don't write this down! I ain't cooperating with no one! What's going on here! There's a death warrant for me! Don't you get it? Damn! Wait a minute! You ain't bugged, are you? Son of a bitch, Lou! Are you?
Lou Ivon: Dave, I play it square. No bugs. I'd love you to go on the record, but I'm in no hurry.
David Ferrie: I haven't slept since that shit article come out. Why'd you guys have to go and get me involved in this?
Lou Ivon: Did we involve you? Or did Clay Shaw?
David Ferrie: Cocksucking ****. He got me by the balls.
Lou Ivon: What do you mean?
David Ferrie: You know, photographs, compromising stuff. He'll use 'em, too. Agency plays for keeps. I knew Oswald, he was in my Civil Air Patrol unit. I taught him everything. He was a wannabe. Nobody really liked him 'cause they thought he was a snitch. But I treated him good. He talked about his kid he really wanted her to grow up with a chance but
...
David Ferrie: My neck is killing me. I've had cancer for years. Been working with mice trying to find a cure.
Lou Ivon: Did you ever work for the CIA?
David Ferrie: You make it sound like it's some remote **** experience in ancient history. Man, you don't leave the Agency. Once you're in, they got you for life.
Jim Garrison: And Shaw?
David Ferrie: Shaw's an untouchable. Highest clearance. Shaw, Oswald, the Cubans, all Agency.
Jim Garrison: What about Ruby?
David Ferrie: Jack was a pimp. A bagman for the Dallas mob. Ran guns to Castro when he was on our side. Castro was almost with us till we tried to whack him. Everybody keeps flipping sides. It's fun and games.
Lou Ivon: How does the mob figure in this?
David Ferrie: They're Agency too. The CIA and the Mafia worked together for years trying to whack out the beard. There's more to this than you could dream! Check out something called "Operation Mongoose." Government, Pentagon stuff. They're in charge. But who the **** pulls whose chain? Who knows? "Oh, what a deadly web we weave when we practice to deceive."
Jim Garrison: Who killed the President?
David Ferrie: Why don't you **** stop it? Shit! This is too big for you, you know that? Who did the President? ****! It's a mystery. It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma! The shooters don't even know! Don't you get it? ****, man! I can't keep talking like this! They'll **** kill me! I'll **** die! Son of a bitch!
Jim Garrison: It's all right.
David Ferrie: I don't know what happened. ****! All I wanted in the world was to be a Catholic priest. Live in a monastery. Pray. Serve God. I had one terrible **** weakness. And they defrocked me! Then I started to lose everything.
Jim Garrison: You'll be okay, Dave. You just talk to us on the record. We'll protect you, I guarantee it.
David Ferrie: They'll get to you too. They'll destroy you. They're untouchable. I'm so **** exhausted, I can't see straight.

View Quote Leo: Oooohhhh, my tooth!
Dr. Chen's Receptionist: What's the matter with you, sir?
Leo: What's the matter?! My ass hurts! My tooth! What is this, a dentist's office or a proctologist?!

View Quote Leo: Hey, uh, hey, Riggs, who's the, uh, perp? What'd you bust him for?"
Butters: Oh, I'm a perp? Oh, you see a young brother in the back of a police car, automatically I'm a perp?! Look at my suit! Look at my tie! What do I look like, a ****in' Crip's accountant?! Look at this badge, bitch! Check out the gun!
Leo: Okay, okay, hey, hey, put the gun down! Put the gun down!!
Butters: License! Registration! Urine sample!
Leo: Hey, I got a badge too, okay?! German Jews didn't have it any easier when we were kids, so don't think you're the only one, okay?! Okay?! Besides, I knew you were a cop, I was just kiddin' with ya! Hey, I can smell a cop a mile away!
Butters: Oh, I smell bad, what'chu trying to say?!
Leo: Well, stop turning everything around! You're so damn touchy! These guys'll tell ya, we work together, we got a history together! Hey, maybe we'll work together someday! I'm the bomb, they'll tell ya, I'm great!
Butters: Yeah, we're gonna work together as soon as I open up a cereal shop, ya ****in' leprechaun!
Leo: Hey, I didn't call you any names, ya ****face!!! Don't start that!!

View Quote Leo: Okay, you did say "aft"?
Murtaugh: A-F-T. Aft.
Leo: And that's a ****in' word?
Murtaugh: In the back of the cabin on the right side, Leo!
Leo: Well, why didn't you say that to begin with, ROGER?! I love how these people get around boats and water, and all of a sudden everything becomes ****in' nautical! Astern! Avast, ye landlubbers! Man the bilge pumps! Pump your ****in' ass!!