Daniel Stern movie quotes

View Quote (to Kevin) You may have won the BATTLE, little dude, but you lost the WAR!

View Quote (stomps on steps to make kevin drop last paint can then laughs) oh right in the schnozz.

View Quote ( after stealing a scarf from somebody) would you like a scarf?

View Quote Now let's have some peace and quiet around here, for Christ's sakes! I'm tired! I been under a lot of stress! I lost my wife, I lost my job, and I got some sort of rash from making in the bushes!

View Quote [at Curly's impromptu funeral] The man ate bacon at every meal... you just can't do that!

View Quote If hate were people, I'd be China!!

View Quote You know what I'd like to be? A cartoon of some kind. You know, like when they get hit in the head with a frying pan or something, and their head looks like the frying pan, with the handle and everything? They they just go booiing [shakes head] - and their head comes back to normal? Wouldn't that be great?

View Quote I was sure I was going to get that scholarship. My dad of course was sure I wasn't. When I didn't, he was real understanding, you know. He loves to do that. He loves to be understanding when I fail.

View Quote I sure miss playing basketball. I got depressed as hell when my athlete's foot and jock itch went away.

View Quote Harry: What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again, didn't you? You left the water running, didn't you? What's wrong with you? Why did you that? I told you not to do it.
Marv: Harry, it's our calling card.
Harry: Calling card.
Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the Wet Bandits.

View Quote Marv: Hey, watch out!
Kevin: AAAAHHHHH!
[The truck stops]
Harry: Hey, hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son, you know.
Kevin McCallister: Sorry.
Marv: Santy don't visit funeral homes, little buddy.
Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas.

View Quote Marv: Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
Harry Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?

View Quote When you're dating, everything is talking about sex. Where can we do it? Why can't we do it? Are you parents gonna be out so we can do it? Everything is always talkin' about getting sex, and then planning the wedding, all the details. But then, when you get married... it's crazy, I dunno. You can get it whenever you want it. You wake up in the morning and she's there. You come home from work and she's there. So all that sex planning talk is over with. And so is the wedding planning talk, 'cause you're already married. So... ya know I can come down here and we can bullshit the entire night away but I cannot hold a 5 minute conversation with Beth. I mean it's not her fault, I'm not blaming her, she's great... It's just, we got nothing to talk about... But it's good, it's good.

View Quote Shrevie: OK, now ask me what's on the flip side.
Beth: Why?
Shrevie: Just, just ask me what's on the flip side, OK?
Beth: What is on the flip side?
Shrevie: Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey!, 1958. Specialty Records.
[Beth nods blankly]
Shrevie: See? You don't ask me things like that, do you? No! You never ask me what's on the flip side.
Beth: No! Because I don't give a shit. Shrevie, who cares about what's on the flip side about the record?
Shrevie: I do! Every one of my records means something! The label, the producer, the year it was made. Who was copying whose style... who's expanding on that, don't you understand? When I listen to my records they take me back to certain points in my life, OK? Just don't touch my records, ever! You! The first time I met you? Modell's sister's high school graduation party, right? 1955. And Ain't That a Shame was playing when I walked into the door!

View Quote Beth: You know, Elyse's mother is very upset with Eddie. You see, they picked out this yellow-and-white motif for the wedding. You know, like we did - napkins, tablecloths, bridesmaids, maid-of-honor, the whole bit. Anyway, Eddie objected. He wanted blue-and-white, Colts colors. Refused to give in.
Shrevie: So?
Beth: Well, you know how stubborn Eddie is.
Shrevie: Could've been worse. Could've been black-and-gold, Steelers colors.