T.J. Miller movie quotes

View Quote [Trailer] Whoo-hoo! Science! It's the reason we know more!

View Quote Yes! Nothing is better than free food! Unless it's moldy!

View Quote Hiro, if I could have only one superpower right now, it would be the ability to crawl through this camera, and give you a big hug.

View Quote Beth lives in Midtown. Alright? Midtown is that way. Guess what else is that way! Some horrific shit is in Midtown!

View Quote Maybe you should have left town a bit earlier, man.

View Quote [pointing the camera at himself as he prepares to cross a treacherous rooftop] If this is the last thing you see me, that means I died.

View Quote [from trailer] Welcome to the world inside your phone where everyone is expected to act 1 way their whole life.

View Quote Where am I?

View Quote [to Hi -5] This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Hi-5!

View Quote Patty: You look just like someone I went to high school with.
Stainer: Oh yeah? What high school? Maybe it was me.
Patty: No, he's in a coma.
Stainer: Huh. Who brought the good news bear? Somebody give her some **** honey.

View Quote Kirk: Patty's not a bitch, she's uh... different.
Stainer: Yeah, different in that she's a bitch and other people aren't.

View Quote Kirk: She is coming to lunch with my parents on Sunday.
Stainer: That takes care of that, 20 minutes with your family and she will file a restraining order. We're safe.
Devon: Hey did she say anything about Wendy? You know... like about me?

View Quote [To Blind Al, after Deadpool leaves, saying he hid a stash of cocaine] Wanna get **** up?

View Quote Deadpool. That sounds like a **** franchise.

View Quote Wade, we have a **** problem, and by "we", I mean "you".

View Quote Tess, I’m basically your uncle. Su casa es mi casa. And we’re going to lose the casa.

View Quote They said they were gonna bring a check! I didn’t know they were gonna send a death squad!

View Quote No f-ing way!

View Quote [Eret and the Dragon Riders (minus Hiccup) are about to be thrown off a ship into ice water.]
Snotlout: Could this day get any worse?
Tuffnut: Uh, let me see - we're gonna jump into freezing cold water, and then die from drowning.
Eret: [sarcastically] Looks refreshing.

View Quote [At Stoick's funeral]
Hiccup: [regretfully] I'm sorry, Dad. I'm not the chief that you wanted me to be and I'm not the peacekeeper I thought I was. I... don't know...
Valka: You came early into this world. You were such a wee thing. So frail and so fragile. I feared that you wouldn't make it, but your father, he never doubted. He always said you would become the strongest of them all, and he was right. You have the heart of a chief and the soul of a dragon. Only you can bring our worlds together. That is who you are, son.
Hiccup: I uh... I was so afraid of becoming my dad. Mostly because I thought I never could. How do you become someone that great, that brave, that selfless? I guess you can only try. A chief protects his own. We're going back.
Tuffnut: Uh... With what?
Ruffnut: Uh... He took all the dragons.
Hiccup: Not all of them...

View Quote Eret: [to Drago, after the Dragon Riders have been captured] They won't know where you're hiding, I promise you that.
Astrid: Oh, yes, they will! They know we're missing and they have tracking dragons. If you so much as touch us, Hiccup is gonna kick...
Drago: Hiccup?
Eret: He's no problem, really. Trust me.
Astrid: He's only the son of Stoick the Vast, his heir to the throne of Berk, and the greatest Dragon Master this world has ever seen!
Drago: Dragon Master? I alone control the dragons!
Tuffnut: Nope, mm-mm.
Fishlegs: SORRY!
[The Dragon Riders laugh]
Astrid: [defiantly] And unless you let us go, right now... he will blast through here on his Night Fury, and blow your entire fleet ships to SPLINTERS.!
Ruffnut: Yeah, and then you'll be crying like babies!

View Quote I gotta tell you, I was always like, "Tracey, this doesn't make any sense," and she was like, "Words, words, words and some numbers." But she did it.

View Quote Vin Diesel ain't got shit on me!

View Quote Hey, God. I know I haven't asked for a lot in this life. Granted, I was born rich... and white... and a man... and straight. Well, except for that one time in Vegas, but that was Vegas.

View Quote Deadpool: I'm not gonna abandon this kid. He's never had anyone, ever. I need to be selfless.
Weasel: Yeah, but what does that mean?
Deadpool: It means I'm gonna save Russell. Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa, but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand.

View Quote Weasel: There you go, little fella. Go on, you're doing it! My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy.

View Quote Weasel: Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy–[Walks in and sees Deadpool with Blind Al; gives a loud shout of shock]...why wouldn't you cover that up?
[Deadpool is shown with a toddler-sized lower half of his body, the hem of his shirt barely covering his groin]
Deadpool: A true warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
Weasel: Yeah, but you do. I mean, look at you; you're just straight up shirt-cocking it toddler-style?
Deadpool: Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.
Blind Al: What the hell's happening? Describe it.
Deadpool: [To Al] I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you-
Weasel: It's like, um...
Deadpool: [quietly] Here we go.
Weasel: It's like he was giving birth anally, but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out and they said, "You know what? I'm done."
Deadpool: [To Al] Happy?
Weasel: He's like a Muppet from the waist down, but this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. Grover's got a ****-
Dopinder: [Comes in] Sorry, I'm late. I had to take care of the inventory–[Sees Deadpool] Aaaaahhhh! Oh, no, no, no, DP, not again.
Weasel: This has happened before? [Dopinder starts to gag] Jesus, either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me.
Blind Al: Why couldn't God take my hearing?

View Quote Billy: Nothing like two dudes and a dog making candles.
Ned: Such a cliché.

View Quote Ned: [looking for his dog Willie Nelson] Hey, man, have you seen Willie Nelson?
Billy: Oh, Yeah, definitely.
Ned: When?
Billy: [realizing what was actually asked] Oh, you mean recently? I just meant, in general, I have seen him!

View Quote Ned: [working with Billy in their new recycled candle shop] Anyway, what I was saying though, is that people recycle cans, they recycle papers, you know... why not, why not candles? I say, we put a bin out, let people bring their old drippings in their convenience.
Billy: It's like those, those bags, that say - I used to be a plastic bottle. We can have a bin that say - I used to be another candle!
Ned: That's a great idea. Yeah. And then when they bring those candles, we put them in another bin that say - I used to be another candle.
Billy: Yeah... and eventually we can just have one that say - "Trust me, I used to be a lot of candles!"
Ned: [agreeing, amused by the idea] I was a ton... I used to be a lot of candles!
Billy: [still revising his literary contribution] Trust me, man... I have been other candles!