Billy
Nothing like two dudes and a dog making candles.
Ned
Such a cliché.
Our Idiot Brother quotes
Billy
Ned
Janet
I am not going to stand here and be insulted on my own porch.
Miranda
I'll insult you right here.
Janet
Okay, I'm a pacifist. I don't play that way.
Miranda
I'm gonna peace you in the side of the head you don't give us the dog.
Janet
I'm not going to receive that with anything but love.
Jeremy
[referring to Ned not being able to go through with a 3-way with a man and a woman]
Just because you're straight doesn't mean you're homophobic.
Ned
[feeling ashamed of himself]
I don't know, maybe I should have tried harder.
Ned
[looking for his dog Willie Nelson]
Hey, man, have you seen Willie Nelson?
Billy
Oh, Yeah, definitely.
Ned
When?
Billy
[realizing what was actually asked]
Oh, you mean recently? I just meant, in general, I have seen him!
Ned
[working with Billy in their new recycled candle shop]
Anyway, what I was saying though, is that people recycle cans, they recycle papers, you know... why not, why not candles? I say, we put a bin out, let people bring their old drippings in their convenience.
Billy
It's like those, those bags, that say - I used to be a plastic bottle. We can have a bin that say - I used to be another candle!
Ned
That's a great idea. Yeah. And then when they bring those candles, we put them in another bin that say - I used to be another candle.
Billy
Yeah... and eventually we can just have one that say - "Trust me, I used to be a lot of candles!"
Ned
[agreeing, amused by the idea]
I was a ton... I used to be a lot of candles!
Billy
[still revising his literary contribution]
Trust me, man... I have been other candles!
Ned
Hey, you know, I've been meaning to tell you. You're doing a really good thing here, Omar. Seriously. I mean you talk to us screw-ups, you give us a reason for getting out of bed in the morning.
Omar
Thanks, man. So you get out of bed in another three weeks, okay?
Ned
I'll do it.
Omar
I appreciate the compliment. It's rare that we get love from the clients.
Ned
Well, you're a good dude. And I just needed this appointment today, I'm having a tough go of it. I swear, I try and do good, but I just **** it up. Man, I **** it up with my sisters, I'm back living with my mom. On top of it all, I broke down and smoked a joint with the kid that lives across the street from me.
Omar
Okay, I didn't just hear that.
Ned
I said I broke down and smoked a joint with the kid that lives across the stre...
Omar
What are you doing? Hey! Ned, why are you telling me this?
Ned
I just need to unload, man. That's part of why I'm here, right?
Omar
I'm not your therapist, Ned. You don't tell your parole officer you got high. Now I have to report you or I could lose my job.
Ned
Seriously? Can you forget I said that?
Omar
No, Ned, I can't.
Ned
Aw, shit.
Ned
Okay, I, I really didn't want to get litigious, but I brought a lawyer.
Cindy
[off-screen, shouting into the phone]
Well, I am sorry I don't have a big, throbbing **** for you!
Janet
That's some Ivy League shit out there, man.
Omar
[speaking extremely slowly]
I'm Officer Omar Coleman. I'm your parole officer.
Ned
I'm Ned Rochlin. Why are you talking so slow?
Omar
[now speaking normally]
I just figured, looking at your sheet, that since you sold grass to a uniformed police officer that you must be ****.
Ned
Yeah, I get that a lot.
River Anderson
Go **** yourselves!
Nedrick "Ned" Rochlin
[about River]
You know, he's just a little boy. Little boys fight. Doesn't mean he's going to grow up to be a frat-boy rapist.
Natalie "Nat" Rochlin
[on the phone, to Cindy's voicemail]
I know you're not gonna call me back but... Hum, one more thing, remember that time I missed your awards dinner? Well, hum, I wasn't really working. I was at home watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York... I'm sorry, hum... What else?
Nedrick "Ned" Rochlin
I like to think that if you put your trust out there; if you really give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion.
Nedrick "Ned" Rochlin
I need some leg warmers, my Croc is stuck!
Nedrick "Ned" Rochlin
This is like free therapy. New York State cares.