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She's Out of My League

She's Out of My League quotes

22 total quotes



View Quote Devon: Hey, did she say anything about Wendy thinking I'm hot?
Kirk: No.
Devon: Shoot, I wonder if she is on Facebook?
Kirk: Devon, you're on Facebook?
Devon: Yeah... I got like 37 friends.
View Quote Devon: You're like Yoda.
Jack: I know.
Devon: You're like... Sex Yoda.
View Quote Dylan: **** it! This floor is slippery. These shoes are ****ed for this.
Mr. Kettner: Dylan, sportsmanship!
Dylan: **** you!
Mrs. Kettner: Timeout.
Dylan: You guys take a timeout for being assholes.
View Quote Jack: Dude, forget Stainer. All right? I think you could get her back.
Stainer: OK, then why don't you look Kirk in the eyes and tell him that you believe he's gonna end up with Molly. Just tell him that.
Jack: Fine. Kirky, I truly believe that... I mean, I think anything is possible.
Kirk: "Anything is possible"?
Devon: Come on! Like there's a million examples of guys like Kirky ending up with a beautiful woman.
Stainer: Such as?
Devon: Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts.
Jack: Right. Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Then he went on to Denise Richards.
Stainer: All recording artists. Normal rules don't apply to those guys. Kirk, as soon as you record an album and it goes platinum, you can push your meat into any human being you want.
Jack: OK, OK, OK. King Kong and Naomi Watts.
Stainer: They never consummated. Totally platonic relationship.
Jack: Stephen Hawking and his lady nurse.
Stainer: He's the master of space and time! He knows about black holes and shit.
Devon: What about the President of France and that girl that went out with Mick Jagger?
Stainer: He knows about wine. And he has a French accent. He could probably French kiss like a mother****er.
Devon: Wait a second... The Beast.
Stainer: Who?
Devon: The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Beast won Beauty's love and he wasn't rich or a recording artist. Though, he did have an amazing voice.
Stainer: OK, Devon, that's a cartoon. But yes, that's one. One out of a million.
Devon: You know what, Stainer? All it takes is one. Man, you... You guys sit here and talk about relationships but the truth is, I'm the only one here that's married. Yeah, and I'm tired of you guys busting my nuggets 'cause I've only been with one girl. It's 'cause she was the right girl! That's why I married her! So, Kirky, let me tell you something, if Molly is the right girl, that's all that matters. You just, you stand up. You stand up. You get in front of her. You get right in front of her and you say, "Hey, I am Kirk Kettner, and I am right here, standing in front of you... right here. Here I am." Something like that.
Stainer: Power of love.
Jack: Very... perfect.
Kirk: Beautiful.
Devon: Thank you. I was in debate, junior/senior year. I don't know if you guys remember that.
View Quote Kirk: [Answering Molly's phone] Hello?
Patty: Who is this?
Kirk: Might be the guy with the new iPhone, who are you?
Patty: Might be your worst ****ing nightmare!
View Quote Kirk: Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly?
Devon: 'Cause I thought you had.
Kirk: No. We're just in a sticky wicket.
Stainer: A "sticky wicket"?
Kirk: Yeah. A rough patch. Rough pumpkins.
Stainer: And how many times have you called her?
Kirk: Five.
Stainer: And how many times have you really called her?
Kirk: Seventeen.
Stainer: It's done. Tao of Love.
Kirk: What?
Stainer: That's what I call it. The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. It's over man.
Kirk: No. It's not over. Frankly, I'm sick of all you guys pretending like you know where I'm coming from. None of you know what I'm going through right now.
Stainer: Tina Jordan does.
Kirk: Who the hell is Tina Jordan?
Stainer: She was my Molly.
Kirk: You never mentioned her.
Stainer: I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. Yeah, perfect. Freckled shoulders. Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. I shoulda seen it coming too, 'cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. The universe spoke and I was depressed for months.
Kirk: That's what that was? You said you had mono.
Stainer: Yeah. Mono of the heart.
Jack: Oh, my God, how's your vagina?
Stainer: Shut up, Jack!
View Quote Kirk: Patty's not a bitch, she's uh... different.
Stainer: Yeah, different in that she's a bitch and other people aren't.
View Quote Kirk: She is coming to lunch with my parents on Sunday.
Stainer: That takes care of that, 20 minutes with your family and she will file a restraining order. We're safe.
Devon: Hey did she say anything about Wendy? You know... like about me?
View Quote Molly: And I'm fine with that too. And I was fine with you up until about three minutes ago.
Kirk: That's great Molly. I'm so glad you're fine with me.
Molly: Okay, Kirk. Maybe-maybe you're right. Maybe you are a five. You know why? No self-esteem, deduct a point. Everytime someone walks into a room you compare yourself to them, deduct a point. You're a smart and talented guy who's afraid to do anything with it, deduct a point. Um how are we doing? Oh, oh yeah, hoping that I have a defect that you can work with? Deduct whatever's left.
Kirk: I'm out of here. Webbed ****ing feet, are you kidding me?
Molly: Kirk!!
View Quote Mr. Fuller: Thanks for coming in, Kettner.
Kirk: Sorry I'm late, Fuller.
Mr. Fuller: You better have a damn good excuse.
Kirk: Nope.
Mr. Fuller: Take a second? Make something up?
Kirk: Nope.
Mr. Fuller: Interesting.
View Quote Museum Director: Can I see your invitation?
Kirk: Can I see your invitation?
Devon: Probably not the best thing to say to the Museum Director.
View Quote Patty: Dude, go shit in your hand.
View Quote Patty: You look just like someone I went to high school with.
Stainer: Oh yeah? What high school? Maybe it was me.
Patty: No, he's in a coma.
Stainer: Huh. Who brought the good news bear? Somebody give her some ****ing honey.
View Quote Plane Doctor: You shouldn't be using your cellphone. It's bad for the plane.
Patty: Oh, I'm sorry, are you the plane doctor? No, then shut the **** up.
View Quote Ron: Come on in for a dip, girl.
Molly: Oh no, I don't even have a bathing suit.
Dylan: You can wear your underwear. It's just like a bikini it covers all the good shit.
Ron: Yeah, underwear is fine.
Marnie: RON!
Ron: It's like what they did in the old days.
Molly: Underwear would be fine... if I were wearing any.