ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Kirk: Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly?
Devon: 'Cause I thought you had.
Kirk: No. We're just in a sticky wicket.
Stainer: A "sticky wicket"?
Kirk: Yeah. A rough patch. Rough pumpkins.
Stainer: And how many times have you called her?
Kirk: Five.
Stainer: And how many times have you really called her?
Kirk: Seventeen.
Stainer: It's done. Tao of Love.
Kirk: What?
Stainer: That's what I call it. The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. It's over man.
Kirk: No. It's not over. Frankly, I'm sick of all you guys pretending like you know where I'm coming from. None of you know what I'm going through right now.
Stainer: Tina Jordan does.
Kirk: Who the hell is Tina Jordan?
Stainer: She was my Molly.
Kirk: You never mentioned her.
Stainer: I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. Yeah, perfect. Freckled shoulders. Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. I shoulda seen it coming too, 'cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. The universe spoke and I was depressed for months.
Kirk: That's what that was? You said you had mono.
Stainer: Yeah. Mono of the heart.
Jack: Oh, my God, how's your vagina?
Stainer: Shut up, Jack!
  »   More Quotes from
  »   Back to the