Willy's Wonderland 2021 quotes

Hello, little boy. You don’t have to be afraid of me. I’m not the same as the others. They’re so mean to me. They call me ugly and they make fun of my colorful skin. I’m trapped in this body. I just want to be free. I guess I don’t expect you to believe me. I hoped that you were different.

Chris

I’m Chris.

Trust me, Chris. You know you can. You can feel my goodness.

Chris

If what you’re saying is true, and you’re not like the others… I could help you get to the next life?

It’s true. Evil has kept me here. You must have questions. I can tell you so much about the other side. I can answer all your questions. If you can help me.

I can show you what’s on the other side. If you could help me get there.

Liv

Oh, Chris.

Chris

Liv, Liv, it’s gonna be okay. Kay, we’re gonna make a deal and… [He grunts as Cammy Chameleon wraps her tongue around his neck, snapping it. He falls to the floor, dead. Liv gasps]

Wanna play, bitch?

Deputy Olson

Sheriff, if I may, why’d you request the state to send backup for one night to curfew a place the size of a postage stamp? [laughs] Oh, don’t get me wrong. I got a wife and kid on the way and I do love the overtime pay.

Sheriff Lund

Double overtime.

Deputy Olson

Right. So what’s the plan the rest of the evening?

Sheriff Lund

See that phone?

Deputy Olson

Yeah.

Sheriff Lund

We’re gonna sit here and pray it don’t ring.

Deputy Olson

Copy that.

Jed

You want God to laugh, you tell him your plans. [laughs]

Tex

Howdy there, partner. My name is Tex, same as the state. Got the handle Macadoo. Welcome to Willy’s Wonderland.

Jed

Yeah, he don’t talk much.

Tex

And I respect that. I enjoy a man of few words. [Janitor looks at the graffiti] Well, business is not what it used to be, but I am fixing to reopen and make Willy’s better than ever. Anyway, enough horseshit. Here’s my offer. You spend the night cleaning Willy’s Wonderland and I will pay to have your car fixed. I go on in tomorrow, you come out of there, and your ride will be ready for you right there. Deal? [The Janitor stares at the "Willy's Wonderland" sign] If not, I got places to be. [Tex chuckles] All right. All right. [He chuckles] Let’s go inside.

Jed

Good luck, mister.

Tex

Watch your step. Check this out. [He turns on the T.V.]

Hey, kids, it’s Willy the Weasel. Welcome to my wonderland. Come on down and meet the gang. We’ve got Arty the Alligator, Siren Sara, Cammy the Chameleon, Gus Gorilla, Knighty Knight, Ozzie the Ostrich, and Tito the Turtle.[singing with other animatronics] It’s your birthday, so let’s party, everyone. It’s your birthday and we want you to have fun. It’s your birthday, so let’s party, everyone.

Tex

We had some great times. Kids laughing, smiling, eating hot dogs, opening presents. You know the story, right? Well, some of these little bastards start crawling over the characters, they get hurt. A couple of lawsuits later from Mommy Safety Organizations and wham, bam, thank you, ma’am, we’re out of business. Shut us right down. [opens the janitor's closet] Damn thing always gets jammed. [sighs, turning on the light] Yeah. This stuff oughta do the trick. Broom, mop, bucket, drain snake, Windex, rags, whatever you need, we got it. [presents a Willy's Wonderland shirt] Oh, lookee here. Congratulations. You are officially on staff. [sighs] Well, pal, it’s gonna be dark soon. I’ll be back in the morning with that car of yours dapper and ready to drive or my name is not Tex Macadoo. [chuckles] Help yourself to whatever you can find in the kitchen. It’s on the house. And be sure to take breaks. Always good to pace yourself. That’s it. Good luck.

Liv

Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying?

Look at all these naughty birthday boys and birthday girls.

Aaron

Oh, shit.

I think it’s time for them to go nightie night. [singing with other animatronics] It’s your birthday and we want you to have fun. [their voices distort] It’s your birthday, so let’s kill everyone... [singing] Six little chickens at the end of the line. Six Little Chickens at the end of the line. One happy weasel says, "It's dinnertime!" Six little chickens gonna be just fine! Six little chickens in the weasel's den. Four little Roosters & A Couple of Hens. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Six Little Chickens at the END of the line! Six Little Chickеns. [speaking] Watch Out Now! [singing] Six little chickens [speaking] Herе comes the weasel! [singing] Six little chickens runnin' outta time WHOOPS!... Five little chickens at the END of the line!

Chris

Shit!

Dan

What the… holy ****! [grunts, slipping on Aaron's blood. Aaron falls flat on his back]

Liv

Go. Leave. Leave! [to Chris] Chris, go. [Liv's friends flee. Aaron breathes heavily] I’m sorry.

Liv

I know the bullshit story they told you. That if you clean up the place tonight, they’ll pay to have your tires fixed by morning, right? It’s a lie. They’ve said the same story to countless other over the last 20 years. They baited you. You’re here to be a human sacrifice. You’re here to be eaten and killed. Do you understand that? This town has a dark history. And it all starts with this horrible place. You know, Willy’s may seem like a happy-go-lucky child’s play place, but it’s much, much more than that. Willy’s was built in 1996, the brainchild of Jerry Robert Willis. If that name sounds familiar to you, it should. Jerry was one of the last century’s most sick and sadistic serial killers. Jerry spent most of the time cultivating similar sickos. I mean, these were the most depraved people you could ever imagine. Often, Jerry and his crew would whisk away unsuspecting families to the Super Happy Fun Room. Once inside, the families would be treated to a birthday cake and a private show by Willy Weasel. The shows would always end the same way. [Willis, in the Willy costume, stalks behind the birthday boy. He slashes his claws at the boy and kidnaps the boy's sister while their parents flee] After numerous missing persons reports and suspicious smells coming from the inside of Willy’s, the law felt it was time to investigate. [Sirens wail outside the restaurant] Jerry and his gang refused to be taken alive. After the police finally entered the Super Happy Fun Room, they discovered that Jerry and his crew had performed a satanic suicide ritual. Instead of surrendering, the killers decided to take their own lives. Those familiar with satanic rituals speculate that the suicide ritual was some sort of a Katra transfer of energy where the memory and consciousness of the living relocate into non-living entities. In this case, the animatronic robots. Ten years later, Willy’s reopens with a new owner, Tex Macadoo. He tries to keep the current public unaware of its horrific past. Things are wrong from the start. [A little girl hugs Gus Gorilla. Gus Gorilla grabs her] There’s reports that the creatures would move on their own. [A fat little boy is about to touch Siren Sara's breasts] Some would say things they weren’t programmed to say.

You really wanna ****, fatty?

Liv

And others would kill and feast on customers. [The little boy cries] After several ghastly incidents, Willy’s closes its doors again. But Tex still doesn’t bulldoze it to the ground. Why, you may ask?

Aaron

Because Willy got to him.

Dan

Convinced him to make a deal with the devil. Along with all those other backwoods inbreds in this sorry town.

Chris

Speaking of backwoods inbreds, where’d Bob and Kathy go?

Liv

Take this off me.

Sheriff Lund

Oh, you gotta be kidding me. There’s not a chance in hell I’m letting you out of this trailer tonight.

Liv

I hate you.

Sheriff Lund

Oh, talk sweet to me all you want. Get down. You know the drill. Get down.

Liv

Get out of my way.

Sheriff Lund

Come here.

Liv

What the hell are you doing? [Sheriff Eloise Lund handcuffs her to a pipe] Wait.

Sheriff Lund

I’ll be back in the morning.

Liv

What… how the hell am I supposed to eat? How am I supposed to take a piss?

Sheriff Lund

There are chips on the coffee table and a bucket on the floor. Try not to make a mess.

Liv

You’re a bitch.

Sheriff Lund

Oh, I love you too. [She sarcastically smooches]

Liv

You can’t arrest me.

Deputy Olson

Can and will. Breaking and entering, destruction of property, and I’m pretty sure that was a dead body on the floor.

Liv

What’s worse, the dead body you saw, or the guy that you left to die? Are you ready to be a murderer? Because that’s exactly what you’re gonna be. You’re gonna be a cold-blooded…

Deputy Olson

Shut up! I ain’t no murderer.

Liv

Then what are you? You’re complicit. You’re just another cult member recruited by the sheriff to do all of her dirty work.

Deputy Olson

I ain’t no cult member and I ain’t no murderer. And how ’bout you, huh? Living with the sheriff all these years, all this going on, what have you done?

Liv

You don’t know what it’s like living with her. My entire life, it’s like I’ve been a ghost. And no matter what I do, it doesn’t change who she is. So I thought maybe I could do something right and burn this f@%#$g place down. So I am doing something. What about you? Hmm? You just gonna sit there and watch all of this happen and not do anything about it?

Deputy Olson

I’m gonna set things right. That’s what I’m goddamn gonna do. You’ll see.
[Tito Turtle attacks from the roof of the police car]

Sheriff Lund

Get that stuff off of her. [to Willy Weasel, apologetically, as Deputy Evan Olson puts the cable in the janitor's closet] Willy, I’m so sorry about this prick.

Liv

Eloise, please, stop. He’s a good guy.

Sheriff Lund

Shut your yap and get outside.

Deputy Olson

They killed some of ’em.

Sheriff Lund

Oh. Stupid idiots. It’ll just incite him more. [to Willy Weasel, apologetically] Willy, this guy does not act for us. His actions should in no way reflect on the town of Hayesville. You know that, right, Willy? [to Deputy Olson, holding the Janitor at gunpoint] Well, cuff him. For God’s sakes, cuff him.

Deputy Olson

No way. I’m not leaving him here.

Sheriff Lund

I’ll give you two reasons why you are: your wife and your kid. If we don’t do what needs to be done, nobody in this county is safe. [to the Janitor, as Deputy Olson cuffs his hands together] Why couldn’t you just die? [to Liv] Where are the others?

Liv

They’re dead.

Sheriff Eloise Lund

Stupid kids. [to Deputy Olson] Do you see? Okay, time to go. Go.

Liv

No. Uh-uh. I’m not leaving without him.

Sheriff Lund

I’m not giving you a choice. Go.

Liv

I’m not leaving without him.

Sheriff Lund

Get out of here.

Liv

You don’t understand. You’ve locked the wrong guy up in here. He's not trapped in there with them. They're trapped in here with him.

Sheriff Lund

Not for much longer. [to the Janitor] I’m sorry, son.

Liv

Is that what you did to my parents? You’re a monster.

Deputy Olson

What do we do now?

Sheriff Lund

Well, I’m gonna wait here until this problem solves itself. You drop her off in a cell, come back, and get me. Should be done by then.

Sheriff Lund

That G.D. S.O.B. [the Janitor waves at her] Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch. [to the Janitor, at gunpoint] Hold it right there, boy. Inside, now! [marches The Janitor into Willy's Wonderland] Move! We had a good thing, but you just went and f@%#$d it all up. Look at me. Look at me when I’m talking to you. All you had to do was die. Was that so hard? No, you just had to go ahead and stay alive, and now we got five dead kids because of you! You might have taken apart a few electronics, but I got a feeling that you can’t stop a round. [to Willy Weasel] Willy! [to the Janitor] Willy needs to eat, and I’m gonna feed him. [to Willy Weasel] Willy, come and get it!

Hey, kids, do you know what time it is? [distorting] It’s birthday time. [singing with other animatronics, as he brutally slashes around the Janitor into the chest] It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. [speaking, distorted, throwing him into the ball pit] Okay now, kids. Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow. [singing with other animatronics] We welcome you to Willy's, where everyone's your friend.[speaking, distorted] That's right. [singing with other animatronics, distorted, walking away] Here at Willy's Wonderland, the good times never end. Birthday fun for everyone, how old are you today? Everyone at Willy’s is hoping you will stay... [speaking with other animatronics] Forever. [singing with other animatronics, distorted, as the Janitor climbs out of the ball pit] It's birthday time, it's birthday time, it's birthday time. Let's cheer at Willy's Wonderland! [speaking, distorted, as the Janitor goes to the kitchen to tape two mop sticks together and put his Punch energy drinks into a bag] Proudly serving families since 1984.
[The Janitor goes back to the dining area, roaring. The two fight, the Janitor pummeling Willy's head before tearing it off. He holds it]

Sheriff Lund

Will you just stop it?

Liv

Open the door!

Sheriff Lund

I’ll open the damn door. [opens the passenger door] What the hell is wrong with you? No! God damn it. [Jed Love pulls up with the Janitor] Hey, Jed, what’s up?

Jed

This old boy had the misfortune of finding your zigzags out there. I figured I’d bring ’em back to you.

Sheriff Lund

He all right?

Jed

Yeah, he’ll be all right. Tire’s not, but he’ll be fine. He had this pretty Camaro right here. Yes, yes, it was that ocean blue… [As he continues talking, The Janitor and Liv Hawthorne stare at each other]

Sheriff Lund

Jed, I’ll come by and get ’em later.

Jed

All turning around, spinning out, everything. He just slid right in there and then pop, pop…

Sheriff Lund

I don’t have time for this today, okay?

Jed

Yes, ma’am. [takes the Janitor to the garage]

Sheriff Lund

You ever use your sidearm?

Deputy Olson

Oh. In training. But these are just punk kids, right? What, vandalizing and loitering? I doubt we’ll need to drop ’em.

Sheriff Lund

It’s not the kids. It’s Willy.

Deputy Olson

The dancing rat? [laughs] Okay. I get it. I get it. The boys told you to pull a fast one on me. Bravo. Nice try.

Sheriff Lund

It ain’t no prank. This is real as it gets. I guaran-damn-tee you that. See, in town, we knew what was happening at Willy’s. We knew there was something supernatural going on. We bellowed to the high heavens that the machines were evil. No one believed us. They thought we were yokels. Tex eventually hired a demolition crew to destroy Willy’s, except the day before bulldozers were set to roll, Eric Miller, the contractor, was found in bed as chewed up as a McDonald’s hamburger. His whole family too. After that, there wasn’t a man alive that would take the job. The town decided that maybe it was better to let sleeping dogs lie. We told everybody just to stay away from there. We figured we’d just let it rot. But rabid dogs don’t sleep when they’re hungry. The machines got out. We found bodies at the ice cream shop, the hardware store, and even the school. We had a real Hobson’s choice on our hands. You know what that is?

Deputy Olson

No.

Sheriff Lund

No choice at all. We could either go to war with the machines, come off like crazy people, probably lose a lot of good folk along the way, or…

Deputy Olson

Or what?

Sheriff Lund

We cut a deal. [flashback, to the animatronics] Leave our people be. Leave our children be. Leave our town be, and… and we will feed you.

Jed

Well, the good news is, I can fix it. The bad news is, it’s gonna have to sit 'til I get the part. Now, Hayesville’s one hotel’s booked. But I do have a place you can stay tonight. Now, it ain’t the Ritz, but it’s a roof and it’s free if you’re willing to do a little light cleaning.

Tex

Best place for a birthday party you’ve ever seen. [to bikers] Heck, it once was, but we’re gonna fix it. [to a Hippie couple] Bring her back to life. Congratulations. You... are... officially... on staff.

Sheriff Lund

We lived up to our end of the bargain and they kept theirs. We tried to find people who wouldn’t be missed. [flashback, Knighty Knight decapitates the homeless man] People with low moral character. [flashback, Cammy Chameleon wraps her tongue around the Hippie couple] And some people who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. [flashback, the Hawthornes scream] Things didn’t always go exactly as planned. I usually pride myself on being able to expect the unexpected. [In the flashback, Sheriff Lund and Tex find little Liv in the janitor's closet, crying] But sometimes, life throws you a zinger. Well, this was the zinger of all zingers. [flashback, to little Liv] Good night, darling. Sweet dreams. [present] I never saw it coming.

Deputy Olson

So, that’s why we’re going?

Sheriff Lund

Liv. Much as she pisses me off, I couldn’t live with losing that girl.

Tex

I gotta tell you, my hat’s off. That is one tough hombre. [chuckles. Both he and Jed laugh]

Jed

Whoo! Well, it’s over.

Tex

Yeah.

Jed

Oh, my God, it’s actually over!

Tex

Hell, yeah, it is, boy. Hell, yeah, it is. Hey, come on. I’m gonna give you a ride. We gonna celebrate. I’m buying.

Jed

Sounds good.

Tex

It’s our lucky day. [Both he and Jed laugh] Oh, man. Hey, with the machines gone, I just might actually reopen it.

Jed

You gonna need a gimmick.

Tex

And a name. Maybe Tex’s Turf.

Jed Love

That could sing. Maybe get you a mechanical bull.

Tex

Yeah.

Jed

Draw the customers in.

Tex

Yeah, yeah, I just… I just might. [They see Siren Sara in the rear view mirror] Oh, f@%k me.

Thanks for visiting Willy's Wonderland! Hope you had a fantabulous time! [lights the car, causing a massive explosion, which kills Tex and Jed as well as her, flinging her off. Willy's Wonderland also gets blown up]

Chris

We go in, fast, we split up, and as soon as we find Liv and this janitor dude, we’re out.

Aaron

Hmm.

Chris

What, Aaron?

Aaron

We just don’t need any more Batman bullshit, all right?

Chris

Okay. Thank you. Yeah, I know. It’s only going to make it less safe for everyone else.

Dan

You mean kinda like Liv just did?

Chris

Excuse me?

Aaron

Say what you gotta say.

Bob

Speak up. Now’s the time, Dan. You ain’t gonna say it?

Chris

Do you guys have something in mind?

Bob

Hell, yeah, we do. Everything you telling us not to do, that’s exactly what your dream girl got us up here doing. And now we probably all getting **** up because of it.

Kathy

Bobby.

Bob

What? Am I lying? No, I’m not. It’s the truth.

Chris

Fine. I’ll just go myself.

Bob

Oh, whatever, Chris. When are you getting it through your thick-ass skull, huh? Kissing that ass ain’t gonna get you that ass, playboy. It’ll more than likely get you killed, and ain’t nobody, [to Kathy] except for you, baby, [to Chris] worth none of this bullshit you got us up here doing. So you know what? I’m out this bitch. [to Kathy] Baby, let’s go.

Aaron

No, Chris! Chris!

Bob

Oh, shit!

Kathy

Bobby!

Bob

God damn!

Chris

Everybody okay?

Aaron

Yeah.

Chris

Nice of you guys to join us.

Liv

Wait, what are you guys doing here?

Chris

Oh, my God. Liv, you’re alive.

Liv

I thought we all agreed you were supposed to stay outside and help us find a way out.

Chris

Yeah, uh…

Liv

Now, how the hell are we supposed to get out of here?

Chris

I tried to keep ’em on the roof, but they wouldn’t listen.

Bob

It’s your fault we were on the roof.

Chris

It’s my fault?

Bob

It was your fault.

We’re all friends. We like to play.

Liv

Guys, guys, it’s happening. It’s happening now. [walking up to Siren Sara] Oh, that’s the nasty bitch that tried to kill me.

Chris

Liv.

Play, play, play every night and day.

Liv

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Chris

Hey, what the hell, man?

Liv

What are you… dude!

We’re all Friends. We like to sing.

Chris

Put her down, okay?

Liv

I’m trying to help you, you dumbass! Seriously? I’m trying to help him understand that he’s gonna die in here, but he won’t listen to me.

Sing, sing, sing. It’s a wonderful thing!

Aaron

Wait a second. Wasn’t there eight of them?

We’re all friends. We like to run.

Aaron

Oh, that’s badass.

Hey, kids! You know what time it is? It's birthday time! [singing with other animatronics] It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. It's your birthday, [offscreen, as Carl Hawthorne and Judy Hawthorne are in the hallway, listening for Willy Weasel's growls] and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. [offscreen, speaking] Okay now, kids. Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow. [offscreen, singing with other animatronics, as Carl and Judy run in the hallway, listening for Willy Weasel's snarls. Willy Weasel growls] We welcome you to Willy's, where everyone's your friend.

Carl! [She runs into the dining area. Willy Weasel fights her while little Liv watches from the janitor's closet]

It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. [speaking] Okay now, kids. Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow. [singing with other animatronics] We welcome you to Willy's, where everyone's your friend.

[Blood splatters on the T.V.]