Deputy Evan Olson quotes from Willy's Wonderland (2021)

View Quote Sheriff, if I may, why’d you request the state to send backup for one night to curfew a place the size of a postage stamp? [He laughs] Oh, don’t get me wrong. I got a wife and kid on the way and I do love the overtime pay.

View Quote Deputy Olson: Sheriff, if I may, why’d you request the state to send backup for one night to curfew a place the size of a postage stamp? [laughs] Oh, don’t get me wrong. I got a wife and kid on the way and I do love the overtime pay.
Sheriff Lund: Double overtime.
Deputy Olson: Right. So what’s the plan the rest of the evening?
Sheriff Lund: See that phone?
Deputy Olson: Yeah.
Sheriff Lund: We’re gonna sit here and pray it don’t ring.
Deputy Olson: Copy that.

View Quote [The line rings. The phone rings. Sheriff Eloise Lund picks up the phone]
Sheriff Lund: Hayesville Sheriff’s Office.
Chris: [on the phone] Sheriff?
Sheriff Lund: This is Sheriff Lund.
Chris: It’s Chris Muley.
Sheriff Lund: What can I do you for, Chris?
Chris: Christ, I did something stupid. We’re at Willy’s.
Sheriff Lund: [hangs up; to Olson] Prank call.
[The phone rings]
Deputy Olson: You want me to get that?
Sheriff Lund: People made their beds, they gotta lie in ’em.
Deputy Olson: Pretty sure the saying is, “Protect and Serve,” Sheriff.
Sheriff Lund: Shut your mouth, smart guy. You’re not funny.
[The phone beeps]
Chris: [after the beep] Liv brought us here.
SheriffLund: Son of a bitch. [on the phone] Get your asses out of there, son. [to Deputy Olson, grabbing a couple of shotguns] Put your balls on, Evan. [throwing Deputy Olson a gun] We're going to Willy's!

View Quote Sheriff Lund: You ever use your sidearm?
Deputy Olson: Oh. In training. But these are just punk kids, right? What, vandalizing and loitering? I doubt we’ll need to drop ’em.
Sheriff Lund: It’s not the kids. It’s Willy.
Deputy Olson: The dancing rat? [laughs] Okay. I get it. I get it. The boys told you to pull a fast one on me. Bravo. Nice try.
Sheriff Lund: It ain’t no prank. This is real as it gets. I guaran-damn-tee you that. See, in town, we knew what was happening at Willy’s. We knew there was something supernatural going on. We bellowed to the high heavens that the machines were evil. No one believed us. They thought we were yokels. Tex eventually hired a demolition crew to destroy Willy’s, except the day before bulldozers were set to roll, Eric Miller, the contractor, was found in bed as chewed up as a McDonald’s hamburger. His whole family too. After that, there wasn’t a man alive that would take the job. The town decided that maybe it was better to let sleeping dogs lie. We told everybody just to stay away from there. We figured we’d just let it rot. But rabid dogs don’t sleep when they’re hungry. The machines got out. We found bodies at the ice cream shop, the hardware store, and even the school. We had a real Hobson’s choice on our hands. You know what that is?
Deputy Olson: No.
Sheriff Lund: No choice at all. We could either go to war with the machines, come off like crazy people, probably lose a lot of good folk along the way, or…
Deputy Olson: Or what?
Sheriff Lund: We cut a deal. [flashback, to the animatronics] Leave our people be. Leave our children be. Leave our town be, and… and we will feed you.
[flashback, Jed picks up the Hawthornes]
Jed: Well, the good news is, I can fix it. The bad news is, it’s gonna have to sit 'til I get the part. Now, Hayesville’s one hotel’s booked. But I do have a place you can stay tonight. Now, it ain’t the Ritz, but it’s a roof and it’s free if you’re willing to do a little light cleaning.
Tex: [to the Hawthornes] Best place for a birthday party you’ve ever seen. [to bikers] Heck, it once was, but we’re gonna fix it. [to a Hippie couple] Bring her back to life. Congratulations. You... are... officially... on staff.
Sheriff Lund: We lived up to our end of the bargain and they kept theirs. We tried to find people who wouldn’t be missed. [flashback, Knighty Knight decapitates the homeless man] People with low moral character. [flashback, Cammy Chameleon wraps her tongue around the Hippie couple] And some people who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. [flashback, the Hawthornes scream] Things didn’t always go exactly as planned. I usually pride myself on being able to expect the unexpected. [In the flashback, Sheriff Lund and Tex find little Liv in the janitor's closet, crying] But sometimes, life throws you a zinger. Well, this was the zinger of all zingers. [flashback, to little Liv] Good night, darling. Sweet dreams. [present] I never saw it coming.
Deputy Olson: So, that’s why we’re going?
Sheriff Lund: Liv. Much as she pisses me off, I couldn’t live with losing that girl.

View Quote Sheriff Lund: [to Deputy Olson, holding the Janitor at gunpoint] Get that stuff off of her. [to Willy Weasel, apologetically, as Deputy Evan Olson puts the cable in the janitor's closet] Willy, I’m so sorry about this prick.
Liv: Eloise, please, stop. He’s a good guy.
Sheriff Lund: [to Liv] Shut your yap and get outside.
Deputy Olson: They killed some of ’em.
Sheriff Lund: Oh. Stupid idiots. It’ll just incite him more. [to Willy Weasel, apologetically] Willy, this guy does not act for us. His actions should in no way reflect on the town of Hayesville. You know that, right, Willy? [to Deputy Olson, holding the Janitor at gunpoint] Well, cuff him. For God’s sakes, cuff him.
Deputy Olson: No way. I’m not leaving him here.
Sheriff Lund: I’ll give you two reasons why you are: your wife and your kid. If we don’t do what needs to be done, nobody in this county is safe. [to the Janitor, as Deputy Olson cuffs his hands together] Why couldn’t you just die? [to Liv] Where are the others?
Liv: They’re dead.
Sheriff Eloise Lund: Stupid kids. [to Deputy Olson] Do you see? Okay, time to go. Go.
Liv: No. Uh-uh. I’m not leaving without him.
Sheriff Lund: I’m not giving you a choice. Go.
Liv: I’m not leaving without him.
Sheriff Lund: Get out of here.
Liv: [to Sheriff Lund] You don’t understand. You’ve locked the wrong guy up in here. He's not trapped in there with them. They're trapped in here with him.
Sheriff Lund: [to Liv] Not for much longer. [to the Janitor] I’m sorry, son.
[The door creaks as they leave]
Liv: [to Sheriff Lund] Is that what you did to my parents? You’re a monster.
Deputy Olson: What do we do now?
Sheriff Lund: Well, I’m gonna wait here until this problem solves itself. You drop her off in a cell, come back, and get me. Should be done by then.

View Quote Liv: You can’t arrest me.
Deputy Olson: Can and will. Breaking and entering, destruction of property, and I’m pretty sure that was a dead body on the floor.
Liv: What’s worse, the dead body you saw, or the guy that you left to die? Are you ready to be a murderer? Because that’s exactly what you’re gonna be. You’re gonna be a cold-blooded…
[The tires squeal as Deputy Olson stops the police car]
Deputy Olson: Shut up! I ain’t no murderer.
Liv: Then what are you? You’re complicit. You’re just another cult member recruited by the sheriff to do all of her dirty work.
Deputy Olson: I ain’t no cult member and I ain’t no murderer. And how ’bout you, huh? Living with the sheriff all these years, all this going on, what have you done?
Liv: You don’t know what it’s like living with her. My entire life, it’s like I’ve been a ghost. And no matter what I do, it doesn’t change who she is. So I thought maybe I could do something right and burn this f@%#$g place down. So I am doing something. What about you? Hmm? You just gonna sit there and watch all of this happen and not do anything about it?
Deputy Olson: I’m gonna set things right. That’s what I’m goddamn gonna do. You’ll see.
[Tito Turtle attacks from the roof of the police car]