Sheriff Eloise Lund quotes from Willy's Wonderland (2021)

View Quote Oh. Stupid idiots. It’ll just incite him more. [to Willy Weasel, apologetically] Willy, this guy does not act for us. His actions should in no way reflect on the town of Hayesville. You know that, right, Willy? [to Deputy Evan Olson, holding The Janitor at gunpoint] Well, cuff him. For God’s sakes, cuff him.

View Quote I’ll give you two reasons why you are: your wife and your kid. If we don’t do what needs to be done, nobody in this county is safe. [to The Janitor, as Deputy Evan Olson cuffs The Janitor's hands together] Why couldn’t you just die? [to Liv Hawthorne] Where are the others?

View Quote [watching as The Janitor puts the bagged animatronics in the dumpster] That G.D. S.O.B. [The Janitor waves at her] Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch. [to The Janitor, holding him at gunpoint] Hold it right there, boy. Inside, now! [marching The Janitor into Willy's Wonderland] Move! We had a good thing, but you just went and **** it all up. Look at me. Look at me when I’m talking to you. All you had to do was die. Was that so hard? No, you just had to go ahead and stay alive, and now we got five dead kids because of you! You might have taken apart a few electronics, but I got a feeling that you can’t stop a round. [to Willy Weasel] Willy! [to The Janitor] Willy needs to eat, and I’m gonna feed him. [to Willy Weasel] Willy, come and get it! [Suddenly, the lights go out. Willy Weasel appears behind her and slices her in half. Both of her halves fall to the floor]

View Quote Sheriff Lund: Will you just stop it?
Liv: Open the door!
Sheriff Lund: I’ll open the damn door. [opens the passenger door] What the hell is wrong with you? No! God damn it. [Jed Love pulls up with the Janitor] Hey, Jed, what’s up?
Jed: This old boy had the misfortune of finding your zigzags out there. I figured I’d bring ’em back to you.
Sheriff Lund: He all right?
Jed: Yeah, he’ll be all right. Tire’s not, but he’ll be fine. He had this pretty Camaro right here. Yes, yes, it was that ocean blue… [As he continues talking, The Janitor and Liv Hawthorne stare at each other]
Sheriff Lund: Jed, I’ll come by and get ’em later.
Jed: All turning around, spinning out, everything. He just slid right in there and then pop, pop…
Sheriff Lund: I don’t have time for this today, okay?
Jed: Yes, ma’am. [takes the Janitor to the garage]

View Quote Liv: Take this off me.
Sheriff Lund: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. There’s not a chance in hell I’m letting you out of this trailer tonight.
Liv: I hate you.
Sheriff Lund: Oh, talk sweet to me all you want. Get down. You know the drill. Get down.
Liv: Get out of my way.
Sheriff Lund: Come here.
Liv: What the hell are you doing? [Sheriff Eloise Lund handcuffs her to a pipe] Wait.
Sheriff Lund: I’ll be back in the morning.
Liv: What… how the hell am I supposed to eat? How am I supposed to take a piss?
Sheriff Lund: There are chips on the coffee table and a bucket on the floor. Try not to make a mess.
Liv: You’re a bitch.
Sheriff Lund: [sarcastically] Oh, I love you too. [She sarcastically smooches]

View Quote Deputy Olson: Sheriff, if I may, why’d you request the state to send backup for one night to curfew a place the size of a postage stamp? [laughs] Oh, don’t get me wrong. I got a wife and kid on the way and I do love the overtime pay.
Sheriff Lund: Double overtime.
Deputy Olson: Right. So what’s the plan the rest of the evening?
Sheriff Lund: See that phone?
Deputy Olson: Yeah.
Sheriff Lund: We’re gonna sit here and pray it don’t ring.
Deputy Olson: Copy that.

View Quote [The line rings. The phone rings. Sheriff Eloise Lund picks up the phone]
Sheriff Lund: Hayesville Sheriff’s Office.
Chris: [on the phone] Sheriff?
Sheriff Lund: This is Sheriff Lund.
Chris: It’s Chris Muley.
Sheriff Lund: What can I do you for, Chris?
Chris: Christ, I did something stupid. We’re at Willy’s.
Sheriff Lund: [hangs up; to Olson] Prank call.
[The phone rings]
Deputy Olson: You want me to get that?
Sheriff Lund: People made their beds, they gotta lie in ’em.
Deputy Olson: Pretty sure the saying is, “Protect and Serve,” Sheriff.
Sheriff Lund: Shut your mouth, smart guy. You’re not funny.
[The phone beeps]
Chris: [after the beep] Liv brought us here.
SheriffLund: Son of a bitch. [on the phone] Get your asses out of there, son. [to Deputy Olson, grabbing a couple of shotguns] Put your balls on, Evan. [throwing Deputy Olson a gun] We're going to Willy's!

View Quote Sheriff Lund: You ever use your sidearm?
Deputy Olson: Oh. In training. But these are just punk kids, right? What, vandalizing and loitering? I doubt we’ll need to drop ’em.
Sheriff Lund: It’s not the kids. It’s Willy.
Deputy Olson: The dancing rat? [laughs] Okay. I get it. I get it. The boys told you to pull a fast one on me. Bravo. Nice try.
Sheriff Lund: It ain’t no prank. This is real as it gets. I guaran-damn-tee you that. See, in town, we knew what was happening at Willy’s. We knew there was something supernatural going on. We bellowed to the high heavens that the machines were evil. No one believed us. They thought we were yokels. Tex eventually hired a demolition crew to destroy Willy’s, except the day before bulldozers were set to roll, Eric Miller, the contractor, was found in bed as chewed up as a McDonald’s hamburger. His whole family too. After that, there wasn’t a man alive that would take the job. The town decided that maybe it was better to let sleeping dogs lie. We told everybody just to stay away from there. We figured we’d just let it rot. But rabid dogs don’t sleep when they’re hungry. The machines got out. We found bodies at the ice cream shop, the hardware store, and even the school. We had a real Hobson’s choice on our hands. You know what that is?
Deputy Olson: No.
Sheriff Lund: No choice at all. We could either go to war with the machines, come off like crazy people, probably lose a lot of good folk along the way, or…
Deputy Olson: Or what?
Sheriff Lund: We cut a deal. [flashback, to the animatronics] Leave our people be. Leave our children be. Leave our town be, and… and we will feed you.
[flashback, Jed picks up the Hawthornes]
Jed: Well, the good news is, I can fix it. The bad news is, it’s gonna have to sit 'til I get the part. Now, Hayesville’s one hotel’s booked. But I do have a place you can stay tonight. Now, it ain’t the Ritz, but it’s a roof and it’s free if you’re willing to do a little light cleaning.
Tex: [to the Hawthornes] Best place for a birthday party you’ve ever seen. [to bikers] Heck, it once was, but we’re gonna fix it. [to a Hippie couple] Bring her back to life. Congratulations. You... are... officially... on staff.
Sheriff Lund: We lived up to our end of the bargain and they kept theirs. We tried to find people who wouldn’t be missed. [flashback, Knighty Knight decapitates the homeless man] People with low moral character. [flashback, Cammy Chameleon wraps her tongue around the Hippie couple] And some people who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. [flashback, the Hawthornes scream] Things didn’t always go exactly as planned. I usually pride myself on being able to expect the unexpected. [In the flashback, Sheriff Lund and Tex find little Liv in the janitor's closet, crying] But sometimes, life throws you a zinger. Well, this was the zinger of all zingers. [flashback, to little Liv] Good night, darling. Sweet dreams. [present] I never saw it coming.
Deputy Olson: So, that’s why we’re going?
Sheriff Lund: Liv. Much as she pisses me off, I couldn’t live with losing that girl.

View Quote Sheriff Lund: [to Deputy Olson, holding the Janitor at gunpoint] Get that stuff off of her. [to Willy Weasel, apologetically, as Deputy Evan Olson puts the cable in the janitor's closet] Willy, I’m so sorry about this prick.
Liv: Eloise, please, stop. He’s a good guy.
Sheriff Lund: [to Liv] Shut your yap and get outside.
Deputy Olson: They killed some of ’em.
Sheriff Lund: Oh. Stupid idiots. It’ll just incite him more. [to Willy Weasel, apologetically] Willy, this guy does not act for us. His actions should in no way reflect on the town of Hayesville. You know that, right, Willy? [to Deputy Olson, holding the Janitor at gunpoint] Well, cuff him. For God’s sakes, cuff him.
Deputy Olson: No way. I’m not leaving him here.
Sheriff Lund: I’ll give you two reasons why you are: your wife and your kid. If we don’t do what needs to be done, nobody in this county is safe. [to the Janitor, as Deputy Olson cuffs his hands together] Why couldn’t you just die? [to Liv] Where are the others?
Liv: They’re dead.
Sheriff Eloise Lund: Stupid kids. [to Deputy Olson] Do you see? Okay, time to go. Go.
Liv: No. Uh-uh. I’m not leaving without him.
Sheriff Lund: I’m not giving you a choice. Go.
Liv: I’m not leaving without him.
Sheriff Lund: Get out of here.
Liv: [to Sheriff Lund] You don’t understand. You’ve locked the wrong guy up in here. He's not trapped in there with them. They're trapped in here with him.
Sheriff Lund: [to Liv] Not for much longer. [to the Janitor] I’m sorry, son.
[The door creaks as they leave]
Liv: [to Sheriff Lund] Is that what you did to my parents? You’re a monster.
Deputy Olson: What do we do now?
Sheriff Lund: Well, I’m gonna wait here until this problem solves itself. You drop her off in a cell, come back, and get me. Should be done by then.

View Quote Sheriff Lund: [watching as the Janitor puts the bagged animatronics in the dumpster] That G.D. S.O.B. [the Janitor waves at her] Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch. [to the Janitor, at gunpoint] Hold it right there, boy. Inside, now! [marches The Janitor into Willy's Wonderland] Move! We had a good thing, but you just went and f@%#$d it all up. Look at me. Look at me when I’m talking to you. All you had to do was die. Was that so hard? No, you just had to go ahead and stay alive, and now we got five dead kids because of you! You might have taken apart a few electronics, but I got a feeling that you can’t stop a round. [to Willy Weasel] Willy! [to the Janitor] Willy needs to eat, and I’m gonna feed him. [to Willy Weasel] Willy, come and get it!
[The lights go out. Willy Weasel appears behind Lund and slices her in half. Willy Weasel grabs the Janitor and tosses him to the "It's Birthday Time!" alarm, which goes off. Confetti falls all over the place]
Willy Weasel: Hey, kids, do you know what time it is? [distorting] It’s birthday time. [singing with other animatronics, as he brutally slashes around the Janitor into the chest] It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. [speaking, distorted, throwing him into the ball pit] Okay now, kids. Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow. [singing with other animatronics] We welcome you to Willy's, where everyone's your friend.[speaking, distorted] That's right. [singing with other animatronics, distorted, walking away] Here at Willy's Wonderland, the good times never end. Birthday fun for everyone, how old are you today? Everyone at Willy’s is hoping you will stay... [speaking with other animatronics] Forever. [singing with other animatronics, distorted, as the Janitor climbs out of the ball pit] It's birthday time, it's birthday time, it's birthday time. Let's cheer at Willy's Wonderland! [speaking, distorted, as the Janitor goes to the kitchen to tape two mop sticks together and put his Punch energy drinks into a bag] Proudly serving families since 1984.
[The Janitor goes back to the dining area, roaring. The two fight, the Janitor pummeling Willy's head before tearing it off. He holds it]